Childhood friends
by Nasse
Summary: I will always protect you... no matter what" he said, his eyes glowing in the light from the lit candles. "why do you always say that..?" Kira said no more than a whisper. "even though you might die..." "Because I can't live without you... Kira"
1. the power of sleep

**Hi minna desu! **

**Here I am with another story! This one will be about Kira Yamato and Athrun Zala from Gundam SEED (mainly, I think ^^' not compleated it yet) I hope you guys will like it! **

**If you haven't seen the anime you should really try it out! This might be a little hard to understand otherwise but the story is sweet any ways ;)**

**I don't think the story will be that long but we'll see :D I'll get back to you on that! **

**This takes place, actually about the time where the war has stopped, or in the beginning of the next war (which actually takes place in "Gundam SEED destiny") when the two boys, along with captain Ramius, Lacus Clyne and the others are located on the battle ship ArchAngel. If there is something you don't understand or if you just like the story, please review!! :D  
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**Warning!: Well, for those who know me (a little) you know what I like to write don't you? ;) well for those who doesn't, I like yaoi, boyxboy! So there will probably be some smex along the road ;) if you don't like, don't read!**

**Disclaimer: ehm... I don't own Gundam SEED, nor do I own Kira or Athrun... even though a sex God would not be so bad.... hmmm...**

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The ship had fallen silent, half of the crew sleeping and the rest awake but on sleepy alert, nobody really suspecting an ambush at this hour, even though you might think that seems unreasonable since the Archangel had already been attacked so many times the last weeks. In the storage room, where the mobile suits and the ship's other mobile weapons were kept, however, there was a soft sound of fingers against a keyboard, probably coming from one of the bigger units or "Gundams'" as Kira Yamato had started to call them a long time ago. If you'd listen carefully enough you would almost hear the breaths of the worker as he kept on typing.

Soft steps echoed through the empty hallway as a dark haired young man, with glowing green eyes, warning a dark-red ZAFT-uniform came walking there, on a ship which once had belonged to the Earth Alliance. To any one not knowing what had happened here the past year, this would certainly be an odd sight. This young man, a Coordinator from ZAFT, on a Natural, Earth Alliance ship in the middle of the night. But the man did not seem to be bothered by this scaring fact, quite the opposite. He was not on his alert, rubbing his eye tiredly as he, for the first time in years it seemed, unbuttoned the top button on his uniform. He let his steps slow down as he came closer to the gigantic Gundam which had been placed at the far end of the room, his green eyes looking up at the grey giant, his lips almost smiling.

"I knew you'd be here..." he said, almost to him self as a green little bird left its post up on the unit, making a twirl and landed softly on his shoulder.

"Tori" the bird twittered, almost as if happy to see him.

The young man smiled and stepped onto the platform that would take him up to the heights of the entrance to the robotic machine. Silently he looked inside it, smiling and shaking his head as he saw, not surprised at all, how his childhood friend sat in his chair, still working on the programming, as always.

"Kira" he said, smiling wider as those grey-purple eyes snapped up to looked at him in surprise. Athrun sighed and climbed lithely inside. "I knew you'd be here, but you know... it's late already, go to bed idiot."

A slight flush was now rising on the tanned boys face, from tiredness or embarrassment, Athrun could not tell but it suited the boy and Athrun could not help laughing.

"Hey, don't give me that face Kira. You're tired too right? So go to bed..."

"No I want to finish this first." The stubborn kid Athrun had once gotten to know was shining through the armour of compose which the young man in front of him had built up through his life and it made him glad, that Kira was still the same as when they had first met, even though, sometimes, it took some timefor him to show it.

"Hey" he smiled and ruffled his friends hair as he seated himself almost in front of his chair. "You can always finish it tomorrow, Kira, even the hero needs to sleep you know."

"I'm no hero" the brown haired one spat but Athrun could see that little smile lurk at Kira's lips and he was glad once more. The war had affected his friend tremendously in ways indescribable. He had not been able to eat or speak for days, his personality had seemed to fade away to grey as the days had passed and no matter how much Lacus had tried, she hadn't even been able to get him inside for some evenings. The pain of seeing that happen to his best friend had been harder and more agonizing that Athrun could ever have imagined, he had seen friends die and parish in agony as they drew their last breath... but Kira, he was different.

They had known each other long before the war had broken out between Naturals and Coordinators, played and laughed with each other, Kira always with that gentle smile on his face. Athrun had already back then been a smart kid, proving the Coordinator skills he possessed just by being as bright as he was. He had made the green bird, Tori, as a "goodbye"present to Kira as they were to be parted, Athrun's parents taking refuge at PLANT while Kira was left behind.

As he thought back, Athrun had always a clear picture in his mind of how his friend used to be, of how gentle, clumsy but still stubborn he had always been and how sad he had been the day they separated. They had hoped to see each other soon again after that, at PLANT maybe, being able to play and smile again... But the war had broken out all to quickly and years had passed, Athrun fearing his friend had died... A gentle sigh left his lips as he now looked down at that brown hair, those slimmed fingers working with speed no one could match, those eyes that drew every gaze... They had been fighting each other, fighting together and apart in this war, every action almost pulling them closer, even when the sward was between them, Athrun had wished to stretch out his hand and pull this boy close...

"Athrun?" Kira's gentle voice woke him from his thoughts, Athrun suddenly realized as he lifted his head. Had he fallen asleep? Not possible right? It wasn't that late and... "Hey, you should be the one going back to bed Athrun, you are paler than ever."

Athrun smiled again, nodding, now really feeling the tiredness crawl upon him but he didn't move, and there was no need to tell Kira why, because the boy knew exactly every part of his body language.

"okay okay" he laughed and put the keyboard away with a soft click of those hands. "I'll come with you then, if you're gonna be so damn stubborn."

Athrun waited patiently down on the floor as Kira packed up his things and came down too, his face now showing signs of tiredness but his eyes still smiling. In moments like these he was just like he had always been, when they were alone together he could be the same person as he had been years back, before the war dragged them in. Athrun, now not so very tired any more, was amazed every time they were alone, of how much his friend changed around every one else. He was almost as a stranger towards his own sister, but still, with Athrun he was the same, making him warm inside as Kira smiled like nothing had ever happened to them.

"And then well, I had to do a re-check because you never know if some one..." he kept talking, not that Athrun had ever asked why and what he was doing with the Gundam in the middle of the night but it was not like he was complaining ether. He was calm as long as he knew he could hear Kira's voice when he needed it, and this was one of those times. So to him, it didn't really matter what Kira was talking about, as long as he didn't stop.

"Athrun?"

"mm?" He hadn't even realized he had been asked a question so he raised his head in surprise, to suddenly find Kira's face, lips and eyes so close their breaths mixed. He could do nothing but stair, certainly, this was not what he had expected.

"Haha you were spacing out again" his friend only laughed and poked his forehead with his soft fingertips. "Archangel calling Athrun Zala back to earth?" Kira's laughter filled the small hallway they were walking through and even though Athrun could feel his cheeks blossom with redness over the joke, he didn't mind. As long as Kira was laughing, as long as he was happy, as long as he was there, alive... he didn't mind at all being made fun of.

"Ne, Athrun"

"Yeah, Kira?"

They walked still, quiet for a little longer, Kira seeming to think through what it was that he had wanted to get of his chest. Athrun waited silently, patiently, knowing how Kira worked, knowing there were some things about him you couldn't rush and some things he needed to say spontaneously, that was just the way he was, the way he was supposed to be.

"Ah, never mind" he smiled finally, turning to met Athrun's gaze as they stopped outside the door to Kira's room. "It was nothing that can't wait until tomorrow."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, and besides..." the boyish young man smiled and a slight mischievous smirk entered the corner of his mouth. "...if I say it now you'll just forget it since you're so sleepy."

"Oh come one, who was it bringing you back last night when you had fallen alseep in the Gundam?" Athrun laughed and ruffled the hair of his friend again. Even though Kira was almost half a year older, Athrun had always felt like the older one, always looking out for him, now was just a moment like that, and to his delight, Kira frowned and tried to put his hair back into place again.

"Well sorry for being the only one working around here, Capten Athrun Zala-sama"

Even when Kira tried to be mean he looked like a kid, making Athrun laugh. If the others had said something like that to him, he would have thought of his father again, but as long as the words came from Kira, he didn't mind. No insult from him hurt, they were all lovely to hear. Kira knew this, so in situations when their relationship had become tuf to handle or they had been fighting, he would say some harsh words, not to hurt Athrun, but to tell him how much he meant to him, Athrun doing the same. Now when the tired one in front of him rubbed his eyes, trying to say something upsetting he was just being to cute and Athrun could not help himself, but pulled him into his arms, higging him tightly.

"Uah?"

He didn't speak, nether did Kira. There were no need for words, this was something that just happened some times and there was no need commenting it or making fun of it, after all, it was something they both desperately needed. So he stood there, Athrun Zala, with his arms around the slimmed body of his childhood friend, Kira Yamato, three am, one cold night in the middle of winter, embracing him with all the warmth he could give.

"Good night, Kira" he said, his voice sounding weaker than planned but he didn't really care. He could feel Kira's body shift underneath him, but the other one did not pull away, he was just smiling, hugging tighter.

"Good night, Athrun"

It took them time before they parted. All images of the war, their friendship and their happiness going through Athrun's mind as he held him close like that. He liked those spontaneous times, when he had the chance to have Kira for himself, not chairing him with any one else. When they eventually parted, it was mostly because Kira was being to comfortable, almost falling asleep against Athrun's strong shoulder. As the brown haired boy walked into the darkness of his room, Athrun watched him, making sure he made it to the bed before closing the door after his friend.

"Kira..." he whispered once again, smiling. "See you tomorrow....right?"

"Yes... Athrun" the weak responce of the almost sleeping Kira came from between the cheets. "...miss you till then..."

"I'll miss you too... Kira"

The way back to his empty room seemed even longer now that he knew he would not see Kira at the end of it and no matter how many steps he took, the room seemed to be just as far away as it was ten steps back. A couple of times he even thought of going back to Kira's room, if it was to just hear the boy breath to make sure he was still alive of the fact that Kira was the one person closest to him on this ship, he didn't know. But in the end he kept on walking until he finally reached his door and opened it, regretting once again that he did not turn back to Kira, now that the empty darkness hit him like a punch in his face.

"Damn..." he said as a disscouraged smile reached his lips, feeling his headache starting to take over his mind again, longing for those gentle hands to hold him... like they had done that time...

He sank down on his bed, not minding to take of hos uniform, to tired to even brush his teeth, still he couldn't sleep as he finaly put his head to rest on his pillow. He thought of Cagalli, Kira's sister, how she was falling for him and every one could see it. He liked her too but... Then he thought of Dearka, Nicol, Rusty... even Izak. He turned to his side and sighed, trying to force sleep to come even though his thoughts only grew stronger. They had all depended on him, every one had depended on him in this war and still... when it came to Kira, he had always come first on the list of people. Even though his childhood friend did not often speak of his need to be held, to be comforted, Athrun knew all to well how it felt... to fight the strong feelings of love and friendship towards another person, to fight the tears... at the same time as you're trying to kill that very person... with your bare hands.

"Kira..." he tried to say, but his voice was already trembling. Even though there had passed months now since the last time they had had to fight each other, the pain and chock had not left him and every time he was about to sleep, his anxiety returned... he missed him, for real, like as if they had not seen each other for years. His eyes were filled with salty tears as his mind finally found peace round five am... though, then he knew he would only be able to sleep for about maybe an hour or two... if he could stay away from the nightmares.

***

"Kira! Come on you're being slow again!" Cagalli shouted as she pounded with her fist on her brother's bedroom door. The ship was awake since long and Andy had already tried waking the boy but with no success. Now his sister had some how gotten the idea into her mind that she was the only one who could wake him, which meant she had made the rest of the crew walk up as well with he shouting and pounding.

"Cagalli-san" a sweet voice said, low enough so that it would not reach the sleeping "child" inside the locked room.

"Capten Ramius!"

"Listen" their capten smiled as Cagalli and Lacus looked up at her in surprice. "Kira-kun did not return to his room until around three again" to the womans surprised expresions she added: "Athrun told me this morning, so please, let him rest, we can manage right now without him, can't we?"

"Yes Captain!" Cagalli anwered, now blushing at how childish she must have sounded.

The young captain smiled and led the girls away from the door, knowing that Kira probably was still sleeping, he had even slept through a battle once, so there was no real need to worry. Only the most ergent sounds, like calls for help would wake him she thought, smiling.

"Oh, Captain Ramius?" Cagalli smiled after they had reached the cafeteria. "Did you say you have spoken to Athrun? He is awake?"

"Well yes, unlike your brother, Athrun is easily woken by shouts and noises" the older woman teased, making Lacus giggle and causing Cagalli to flush once again, but this time without a word. Their captain smiled and they sat down for something to eat. Only minutes later, Cagalli left to go see the young man of her dreams... Well maybe she hadn't really been dreaming about any one and when we on the subject, the first man she had ever fallen for had turned out to be her twin brother. She hadn't really had time to think in-between that and starting to fall for Athrun so you could say her love "affairs" were still a little messed up. But still her cheeks blushed red as a rose when she made her way towards the Gundams where she would almost certainly find the handsome boy.

As she passed the corridor where Athrun slept every night, ever since he had arrived some weeks earlier, she didn't even think about it, just passing it with selfconcious steps. But as soon as she had passed, a door was swung opened behind her. She, however, was so focused on what she would say to him when she saw him, she didn't even hear the boy she was thinking about heading the opposite way.

Athrun didn't see her ether, so it was not like he was avoiding the blond woman, but since nether of them paid attention to what was happening around them, Athrun made his way towards the cafeteria and Cagalli kept on towards the storage.

Athrun was fighting a bad headache that morning, ever since he had woken up from his world of nightmares, the pounding of his head had made him unable to concentrate and he hoped now, after resting for about an hour, that something to drink and eat might help him to get rid of it all. As he walked into the eating aria however, he straightened his back and inclined his head as a greeting towards the captain and Lacus, he hadn't told them about his head, so why look like a total mess and scare them. He was always composed around others, there was no point in showing emotions at the time of war...

"Athrun, good morning" the pink haired woman smiled, that kind of shining smile that would make all PLANT fall for her. He smiled, wondering quietly what would have happened if he and Lacus had actually gotten married, then he shook the thought away, if they would have gotten married it would have meant that his father would be still alive and ZAFT would have destroyed earth... where they were stationed right now. Such weird thoughts really didn't help his headache.

"Morning Lacus" He smiled instead and took out something to drink, closing his eyes as the cold liquid cleared his thoughts a little. "So, did Cagalli manage to wake the sleeping prince?" Lacus giggled and even the captain smiled and had to wait until she had calmed so that she would drink from her glass while Lacus shook he head.

"No, unfortunately, every one but he woke up, so captain Ramius had her silenced"

"Lacus-san!" the captain said with a raised eyebrow, while Athrun smiled. "You make it sound as if I have killed her, and I have definitely not!" she added as Athrun headed for the door.

"I'm sorry Murrue-san" Lacus giggled.

"Don't you worry, captain" Athrun assured her. "I would never think that. I'll go and try to wake Kira, after all I think I might be the one who knows him the best around here."

"you are probably right Athrun" the captain, being in a cheerful mood then added "That will be your first mission of the day"

"Yes, captain Ramius" he said while faking a salute before leaving the room. He could hear both of them giggle behind him. What was happening to this crew? First he wakes up to a brither and sister "quarrel" then his commanding officers giggle behind his back? Was it really juice in their glasses?

As he reached the door he knocked softly, not with any force but almost with gentleness of a caressing finger. He wanted to go inside, wanted to make sure his only family was okay, that Kira was really there. He wouldn't admitt it to himself, that he was thinking like that. He knew, not to long ago, both him and Kira had been fighting each other on life or death levle, but still... Even though he knew he shoul not make stupid bonds with people, because they could be lost at a heartbeat, he couldn't think like that around Kira. He had to miss him, talk to him, confide in him. Kira made hom feel both safe and insecure. He wanted to protect him, even though he knew Kira wanted to protect every one, well then Athrun had to protect Kira so that he could do that. Kira was the only family he had, and he did not want to give that up, even though he had gone back to ZAFT, even though he should not care this much... he did. Because he had to, otherwise, he wouldn't survive.

"Kira..." he whispered, his ears listening for every little sound from inside the room. "It's me... Athrun. The witch has gone now... so please open the door and let me inside, I want to see you."

At first no sound came and Athrun was just about to knock again when the door suddenly clicked and glided opened, showing him the dusk of the bedroom inside. He smiled and took some steps into the room, seeing the pile on the bed, knowing that Kira must have opened the door from the controls beside his pillow. He sighed and walked over to the bed, smiling more as he saw a naked leg and an arm stick out from underneath the thin blanket.

"Hey Kira" he said, slowly sinking down on the side of the bed. "...Are you okay?" He didn't get any answer, at least not an answer with words but the boy under the sheets slowly pulled it of his head and looked up at him with eyes filled with sleepiness. Athrun couldn't help himself as the smile only grew. The cuteness was overwhelming him with emotions, making him warm, just like back then...

"mm~mornin..." came Kira's morning voice but even before Athrun had time to say another word he felt those slender fingers close themselves around his wrist, then how Kira pulled his arm in such a way he had to follow the movement with his entire body, ending up once more with his arms around Kira's body. His chock was complete as he felt Kira snuggle up against him, his body fitting like a glove against his own, Kira's sleepy warmth warming him from the outside and in, making his headache disappear in an instant.

"K-kira..?"

But there weren't any answers to wait for. The young man in his arms was already sleeping, close to his chest, his breath tickling his chest where his swatter did not cover his skin. Athrun shivered, goosebumps all over his body. He had thought this would never happen again, lying next to Kira in a bed that wasn't his own, with the boy sleeping so close... but now that he felt him once again against his chest, he realized... he had missed it.

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**Oh my oh my ;O what will happen? Kira hugged him! But why? And what will happen when he wakes up? And how come Athrun is thinking back at "that time.."?! what does that mean? And what will happen... if Cagalli finds out about what her "love" is doing in bed with her brother ;)  
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**Keep reading and find out! :D and please review! I need to know if I should continue this story or not x3 **

**see ya!  
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	2. last image of you

**Hi every one! Here comes chapter two! finally ne :D I hope you look forward to reading it :D and well.. I know that it might be a bit slow now in the beginning but soon you will be satisfied my friends :D hoho I really love this anime/manga. So I have a lot of thoughts and ideas :D hope you like them as well. **

**Warning: this is hard for me to say... but you guys, if you don't know by now that this will sooner or later become a yaoi novel then you are... slow :D not in a bad way though :O but if you don't like boyxboy don't read ^^ that's my last warning... knida ;)**

**Disclaimer: As you all might have guessed... I don't own Gundam SEED. But I do own my thoughts... up until now that you al are reading it :O well.. I don't own Gundam SEED Destiny ether by the way! :O "I don't want to fight... so don't make me...!" (if any one remembers who said that, you'll have an extra point! 8D)**

**enjoy chapter two of Childhood friends :)**

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He opened his eyes slowly, the dusk of the room filling his gaze, his arms resting softly against his chest, his entire body relaxed and warm from sleeping. Was it morning already? It was weird Cagalli had not come to wake him up yet.. or had she? Kira could not seem to remember at all. _'Nah'_ he thought, smiling into the warmth of the blanket embracing him._ 'Not like they need me to do anything... if there were a battle... the alarm would have woken me...' _He smiled a little more, burying his face into that soft, warm blanket, trying faintly to remember when the blanked had ever become this soft, after all his years on the Archangel, he had never woken up rested and with a smile on his face, like now...

He let his eyes rise, this was warm, something soft, something...someone breathing. His fingertips softly touched the slimmed chest so close to his own body, his eyes following slowly as his fingers trailed over the rising ribcage. The muscles curved under his didgets, making him bite his lip as he recognised that red fabric, the texture, the feel of the warmth underneath. His eyes and fingers met that dark hair, his fingers lingering there, twirling themselves softly and almost automatically around those curls, while his eyes moved... those lips, that nose... those closed, otherwise, green eyes.

"Athrun..." he whispered, the name sounding different in the darkness of this room, like it had used to sound. He smiled at the ring of it, how gentle it sounded as they both lied there, in the small room, both warm from sleeping. "You even fell asleep in a place like this...? You'll look stupid you know... Athrun."

It was as if his voice just wanted to speak his name. How strange it was, some how, finding Athrun in his bed when he woke up made him happy. He was not alone like he had been for so long, not even Lacus had really changed that feeling. Still, seeing his friend sleep peacefully next to him, no, more, with his arms around him made him calm and at ease.

"Athrun... What are you doing here?"

"Mmn..?"

The young man, with all his gorgeous warmth woke up slowly, almost as slowly as Kira had woken. Those green, spotless eyes made the warmth in Kira's stomach glow stronger, all regret that he had woken Athrun up now disappeared, leaving him satisfied to the core, filled with the warmth of those eyes.

"K-ira?" The darker one let out, his sleeping voice softer than any voice Kira had ever heard, he loved when he spoke like that. "What... Where am I..?"

"Stupid" Kira smiled, letting go of all warmth to sit up, even though he instantly regretted it when the cold air of the room hit his sleepy body. "You must have fallen asleep in here yesterday when you insisted on me gong to bed, because you are sleeping in my bed, Athrun"

Tiredly the other one rubbed his eyes, almost like a child, his slim fingers brushing the dark bangs of his face, looking out through the darkness almost as if to confirm the statement. Kira smiled, pulling his eyes of his friend. When these times came around, he always felt good inside, and still that cold feeling always crept onto him. He didn't want to look away, and still he did. He didn't want to let go of Athrun's warmth, but still he did. Even when they sat next to each other at the dinner table, sometimes, he found himself staring, not because his gaze got stuck, but because he wanted to see...him.

"What time is it then..?" that sleepy voice sounded behind his back and Kira felt shivers run down his spine, causing his lips to curve again. No wonder Cagalli was so obsessed with this guy, always making a fuss about him, where he was, what he did and why. He had always thought that girls were like that but when she had started, it had chocked him. After all, she wasn't really the typical type of girl, not even he, her brother thought that. Still, he had known Athrun his entire life (except the years they had been parted by war, but those years, to Kira, didn't count any more), and he knew he was a good guy at heart. If Athrun and his sister were to fall in love, get married, he should just be happy for them right...? Well that was some how not the case....

"You know, Athrun" he said as he stood up, walking towards the bathroom, looking back over his shoulder at the man in his bed, now regretting even more that he ever stood up and walked away from him. "You will look stupid if Cagalli finds out you spent the night with me..." Even though the had not meant for it, those words sounded quite harsh. Well, it was not like he was happy any more, because it was true, and he didn't want it to be. Why had Athrun slept there any way? Hadn't they agreed they wouldn't do this any more....

"And you don't want your sister to know, how come?" Athrun asked from the bed, he, that man Kira had problems not to think about, he who had done him so much harm, he who had comforted him when no one else had, he who his sister was absolutely mad about.

"Well, I'd like to keep my life" Kira joked, almost to get the sad feelings of his mind. "And besides..."

"Hm?"

"Ah... never mind"

He lowered his eyes, watching his feet for some seconds. What was there to say? They both knew this subject was not their best idea. Still, Athrun had really slept in his bed, and there was nothing that could help them escaping their memories. They had shared a lot, still there was only one memory they could not talk about, one memory Kira both detested and treasured at the bottom of his heart. So what was there to say, when he could not talk about that, and still had mentioned his sister... at a moment like this.

"I asked you what time it was... before..." Athrun mumbled after what seemed like hours, but in fact must have been only a minute.

"You can check my phone... I'll take a shower..."

"Kira... I..."

Kira stopped again, half of him enlightened with the light coming from the opened bathroom door, his eyes shining as he turned his head back to Athrun, saw his green orbs search for his. He looked away.

"Not now Athrun..."

***

"So you really have to go, kid?" Kojiro Murdoch asked as he helped with the final preparations of Athrun's jet. The young man sighed and nodded, lowering his eyes a little, almost regretting his decision already. "I see... May I ask...?"

"You have become polite on older days Murdoch" Athrun smiled back with his helmet under his arm, resembling Kira almost, the same colours on his suit now.

"Oh don't insult me, kid" the older man laughed back and rufled his hair. "And you have said your good bye's I hope? Because... some how it feels as if you will not be coming back for a while?"

"Ah..."

Athrun could not really seem to find the words when he addressed this man. He knew he could be trusted, even with secrets, Murdoch was a honest man, true to his friends, but, there was always something in the way he spoke. Athrun was not used to being treated like a boy, a child. He hadn't been treated like one since his mother had died in Junius-7, and being treated like one now, at eighteen years was... not of the ordinary.

"To Kira too?"

He lowered his head again. Kira had no idea he was even gong to leave. No matter how long he had been trying to get it out, to just tell him, the words had gotten stuck in his throat, or Kira had walked away. Sometimes he had even wondered what was the hardest: fighting Kira – life or death, or having to talk to him about him leaving again. To see the pain in those eyes were like trying to walk with your eyes open through a sandstorm... And to hold his own tears back would be even harder...

"Athrun!"

The woman's voice woke him from his thoughts and he looked up to see Cagalli, her hair all messed up and her eyes filled with tears, running towards him. He sighed and forced a smile onto his face, embracing her warmly as she crashed with force into his torso. She cried for a while, silently for once, her shoulders twitching with hiccups underneath his strong arms.

"Cagalli.." He whispered with a soft smile as she had calmed her self. "I have to go you know..."

"But... You have to come back!" her tears fell as she spoke, looking up at him, her tear filled eyes a different colour than the colour he wanted to see, but still, so much like her brother. "Promise me you'll be back, Athrun!"

"I promise... Cagalli"

A soft motion behind the girl made him look up as she once again buried her face in his chest. Kira was standing on the balcony bridge over the door. He was looking down at them, his eyes wide open, his hands cramping with their grasp around rail in front of him. He was not crying like his sister, but Athrun could feel him, feel the pain they shared. This was not the way he had wanted Kira to find out. The anger made him breath in deeply, he was angry with himself, for not being able to tell even Kira...

"Kira..."

"Eh..?" the girl in his arms sounded as she looked up at him again, drying her tears with the back of her hand.

"No nothing, just... can you tell Kira..." he smiled and helped her dry a tear still falling down her damp cheek. "...that I'm sorry I didn't tell him good bye?"

She nodded, and he sighed. He knew that wouldn't help, and he knew Kira would be lonely no matter what he did to try to ease his pain. He would be lonely too, without Kira. The girl in his arms smiled, even though he did not really see it. He was not on the same ship as she was, not in the same dimension... he was up on that bridge, with her brother. To him, it was not her he held in his arms, not her he told not to cry with his softest voice, not her he kissed...

He could feel her body tense, then relax under his lips, how she answered him back, and that was where he realized what he was doing. There was no room to break free as she kissed him and he kissed her. She, the sister of Kira, the sister of his childhood friend, the sister of the one he...

"Oi, kid" Murdoch warned and let his hand tap Athrun's shoulder. "It's about time you'd be of."

Cagalli broke away from him, her cheeks flushed more than they had ever been, her eyes sparkling, fingertips brushing against her lips as if wanting to preserve the feeling of where his lips had touched hers. He could feel his stomach cramp. She looked so happy, and still... behind her some where, he could hear the thick of a door close... close behind Kira.

He didn't look at her again, only turned away, his heart sinking in his chest. he knew he had to go back to the base, he needed to speak with Shinn, Lunamaria... And still, he knew his heart would stay here, with the people he cared the most for, the only family he had; Archangel, the crew... Kira._ "I will always protect you.... no matter what"_ his own words sounded in his mind as he climbed into the plane. He had made that promise, years ago it seemed now, and still he was leaving again, still he was unable to stay and protect.

"So?" Muroch's voice echoed as he put Athrun put his helmet on. "Will you be back this time, kid?"

Athrun looked down at him, a vague smile on hos lips. "I'll be back, definitely... no matter what, I'll see you again."

The fact that those words were not to ether Cagalli or the older man, he did not say, but he saw in Murdoch's eyes that he knew. He, after all, was one of the few that knew the truth, and that had kept it a secret, all this time.

"Take care of everything until I'm back, Murdoch" he sighed and the man made thumbs up. It was strange really. That morning he had woken up next to Kira, he had never thought he would ever feel that calm again. And now, just hours later, he was looking out through the hatch, shivering to the bone, leaving him behind, leaving the warmth of him, his heart pounding hard as he closed his eyes.

"Athrun Zala, launching"_'Kira, don't hate me for this... I'll be back, I promise. So please, wait for me.'_

_***_

"So he left?" Kira asked as he stuffed the cabin with towels. He had managed to make himself useful, just so that he wouldn't have to face any one telling him Athrun had gone. And still fate had irony, because the last person he needed to see right now had already found him.

"Mm" She answered, twirling the tip of her hair around her fingertips. "He said he'd definitely be back soon... So I believe him, you should too, Kira."

"Well of course I believe him, he is my friend after all.." he answered, still not looking at her, because he knew if he did, his feelings would give him away.

"Then why didn't you come to say good bye to him?" Her voice sounded disappointed, almost as if it was her he had not said farewell to. Why did she care about if he had had the time to talk to him? If she hadn't been so occupied kissing him, she might have noticed he had stood at the door. "You know Athrun was really sad he didn't have time to say good bye to you, you're his best friend after all."

"Well I had other things to do, it can't be helped now can it?" He didn't need to tell her Athrun hadn't even bothered telling him he was leaving. He didn't care if she was mad or disappointed at him, he felt just like that towards Athrun...

"How can you say that?!" She spat, jerking his shoulder so that he faced her, his back against the wall, he looked away still. "After all that has happened, can't you even go to say bye when he is leaving?! What if something happens when he is out!? Will that be the last thing happening between you two?!"

Her words were like swards shot straight through his heart. Why couldn't she just let him be? What ahd he done?! Why had Athrun told her about leaving... and not him? What was it..? That they had shared bed that night? But... nothing had happened, right? So why...?

"Sometimes I think you are so stupid Kira!" She kept on, her brown eyes shooting arrows of pain at him. "He wanted me to tell you he was sorry he didn't see you and still... still you have that look on your face! Like he abandoned you!"

"Well he did!?" He couldn't take it any more. Her hands on his shirt loosened as she saw the tears springing out from his eyes. Shocked she backed away, looking at her brother with almost scared eyes.

"What... do you mean...?"

"He didn't even tell me he was leaving!" He closed his eyes hard, trying to prevent the tears from falling, hitting the wall behind him hard with his fist. "He told every one except me! And still... when I came to see him... he was... you were... kissing him... It didn't really look like he needed to talk to me any way!!"

"Kira..."

"Just leave me alone... I need to be by my self when I sulk..."

"Kira.. I..."

He gave her one look, making her fall quiet. He was angry, sad and frustrated with himself. He always used to be so composed and he could see how this shocked her more than any thing. Still, Athrun leaving left him vulnerable even though he knew every one on the ship was there for him, Athrun was different. He looked at his sister, his gaze loosing some of it's deadly anger as he breathed out. She was not to blame, still, he needed to think, alone.

"I'm sorry, Cagalli" He said, looking out the small window to his side. "But I just need to calm down... you should go back to the bridge."

As she had left him, with some soft words and a faint smile, he sank down against the wall, his hands clasping the towel he was supposed to put in. His tears were falling, leaving nothing but emptiness in his mind... emptiness and memories.

* * *

"_Ne Athrun?" _

"_Yeah?" he answered, smiling softly as he lit the last candle, the room now glowing with a cosy, yellow light. _

"_Thank you..." He could feel himself even blushing as he pulled the blanket closer around his cold body. "...for saving me earlier." _

_Athrun smiled, his green eyes happy for once as he seated himself next to him, wrapping his war arms around Kira and his blanket. "What else would I have done? Couldn't let you die you know....besides..."_

_The silence fell, Athrun watching the candles, Kira watching him. The sound of the storm outside, the sound of the crew running outside the door, the sounds of their breaths, it all was calming as he watched Athrun's pale skin, his green eyes. There was something about him that always kept Kira's eyes on him, making him unable to concentrate as they were close. _

"_Besides..?" He asked, almost as if longing to hear his friends voice once more. Athrun smiled, his hands tightening around Kira's back, his warmth overflowing his body. The cold from the freezing water had started ti fade now as he was wrapped in such warmth, the warmth of Athrun._

"_Besides..." Athrun continued, after moments of silence. "...I will always protect you... no matter what" He said, his eyes glowing in the light from the lit candles, Kira's eyes unable to let him go, shevers running down his spine, goosebumps already forming on his arms. _

"_Why do you say that..?" he asked back, his voice not more than a whisper, making Athrun look down to meet his eyes. "Even though you might die..."_

"_Because..." Those green eyes were smiling, almost sparkling and all other sound seemed to dissappear with his words. "...I can't live without you...Kira."_

_

* * *

  
_

"Athrun..." he whispered, closing his eyes to fully see his friends face in front of him. "I can't live without you ether... so please, come back. I promise, I'll be here when you do..."

***

"Athrun, welcome back!" Lunamaria smiled and waved as she made her way towards him through the crowd. He smiled back at her, actually kind of happy to see her cheerful smile as she hugged him tightly, then following him to the cafeteria where the rest of the crew was seated.

"Athrun" Shinn said, standing up to welcome him, Athrun smiling a little. some how he wondered what he was doing there, even though he knew he had to do what they told him to. The ship was still the same ship which had tried so many times to shoot the Archangel down.

Still, he sat down to get some food before being called somewhere else, like always when he got back here. Shinn and Lunamaria were talking to him but he didn't really listen even though he answered them when he was directly spoken to. The dark haired boy in front of him was stiff as always when Athrun was around, but the fact that the boy had problems with authority didn't really matter at the dinner table. Luna, on the other hand, always smiled towards him, giving him the feeling he had gotten in the beginning with Cagalli. She seemed like a happy girl with many thoughts and ideas in every subject possible. But it was almost as if she paid him to much attention to be noraml... He didn't feel like having yet another girl fangirling over him while he didn't even know his own feelings. It wasn't really like he thought she was in love with him, but he had not thought like that about Cagalli ether, in the beginning...

"Oh, Athrun" a calm, steady voice suddenly said as the sound of the door closing died away. They all looked up to see Rey, the blue-eyed, teenage boy Shinn was always hanging around with, standing there in his red uniform, his fingers neatly around his elbows, his arms lying crossed over his chest. "Welcome back. We almost started to fear for your safety..."

Those blue eyes caught Athrun's green ones and he could feel his spine shiver as they seemed so almost scan his body. The voice of the blond man in front of him was so familiar to him, still Athrun could nether place or put a finger on it. Ether was it that he had heard it somewhere before, or that he just sounded like someone else... What ever it was, it gave Athrun the creeps.

"Well, thank you for your concern, Rey" he answered, smiling politely. "But I am fine, there is no need to worry about me."

The blond kept looking at him, as Shinn stood up, carried hos foodtray to the counter and turned to them again. "Rey" came his voice, breaking the silence, making even Luna look up at her friend. "Let's go... I've got... that thing to talk to you about..."

"Oh right" the blond answered back, a flicker of a smile hidden in those cold eyes, even a genuine smile, that must have been the first. Athrun followed them with his gaze as they left the room side by side, knowing that somewhere beside him, Lunamaria sat, also watching them walk away, with the same wondering eyes as him.

"Well, that is something you don't see every day" she sighed, Athrun feeling a sigh leave his lips as well when the tension left with the two boys.

"They have known each other for a while?" he asked, now poking his food again."Shinn and Rey?"

"Mm" she seemed to be thinking heavily about something but before he could ask what was bothering her, she continued. "Not since childhood but... at least since Shinn came to to PLANT... and joined ZAFT..."

"I see..."

Athrun sighed again, regretting now, more than ever, what he had done to Kira. There wasn't even a guarantee they would ever get the chance to met again. Anything could happen at the moment... The pain he felt inside was worse than he had thought possible and still... he was just sitting there, not even trying to go back, not even trying to fight for what he needed to survive...

"What is it Athrun..?" came her sudden question, waking him from his thoughts of his clumsy, warm-hearted childhood friend. "You've been looking distant... all day?"

"Oh it's..." he stopped himself right there as he remembered those sad eyes that had been the last he had seen of Kira, those shaking lips... "I hurt someone... someone really dear to me. I just wish I had had time to say "I'm sorry.." before leaving..."

"What...?" she sounded full of compassion, making him want to open up to her, but he wasn't like that, so he couldn't even get his words out right. He just nodded, as if to confirm her he was not just making it up, since she looked chocked he had actually hurt any one like that. "What happened..?"

Her hand was reaching for his, a movement he was not used to see so he let it grab it gently, rubbing her thumb over the back of his hand. He was moved by the way she seemed to care so much about him, even though she hardly even knew him.

"I..." He said, now suddenly fighting the urge to let tears fall down his cheeks, trying not to let his pain shine through his mask. He tried not to speak, and yet at the same time tell her everything... Still, the only thing he got out just sounded like some kind of lame excuse. "I couldn't face him and tell him that I was leaving again... So I just left.. and he saw me go... I didn't even look back"

He could feel her hand press his gently, her eyes searching for his as she smiled a little, encouraging smile. "I'm sure, that when you see him again, no matter if he feels hurt now or not, he will embrace you, and tell you how stupid you are..."

"Eh?" he looked up at her in surprise and her smile grew.

"Yes, he'll tell you how stupid you were, leaving him like that ..." she continued. "And you will apologize to him, and he will keep holding you close, smiling and keep saying you're stupid.."

"Okay you've made your point Lunamaria" he smirked back, knowing she just wanted him to be happy. "But that sounds like something out of one of your love-mangas... those... yaoi books.."

"Well of course!" she laughed. "Because after telling you what an idiot you are, you will kiss him!!" she was squealing out that last part, making him actually blush with embarrassment.

"Lunamaria!"

"What?" She was blushing too, for saying something like that to her sempai but still the smirk lingered on her lips. "Wouldn't that be wonderful?"

"Well yeah... but..."

Before even realizing what he had just admitted, her eyes widened to the size of teacups and her mouth fell open. He looked away immediately, knowing that even if he'd try to defend himself, it wouldn't work. He had just admitted he would find it wonderful to kiss Kira, to her, the babble mouth of the ship Minerva. So he kept his mouth shut for now... She was looking, no, staring at him with her deep blue eyes and her cheeks blushing even more than before. He could almost see her thoughts like a movie on her forehead... what was she thinking really? While wearing a face like that..?

"You... like.... men...?"

-

**Wait?! :O he said that? She knows?! omg... and what about Kira? What has happened between the two of them that makes it so hard for Athrun to show his true emotions?! And why the **** did he kiss Cagalli there all of a sudden? :O was it that he wanted to kiss Kira...? or was there something else..? And how is he going to get out of the pinch he is in?! "You like men?" well... does he? or is it just a special _someone_ he likes?**

**find out in waiting chapters :D **

**have fun until then! :D and you know what's fun? :D to REVIEW :D hehe so please do, I'll answer ;)  
**


	3. in need of you comforting me

**Hello people :D I'm back with a new chapter again :D yay hope you've missed me? ;) Oh and just to warn you... I really like cliffhangers.. so enjoy ;) **

**Warning!: this is yaoi/shonen ai! And I LOVE it! but if you don't I will respect that :O as long as you don't give me shit about it! so please, if you don't like it, don't read it ne :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam SEED or GS Destiny :O I just wanted you guys to know that... :O If you didn't already ;)**

**-  
**

Lunamaria was so shocked with what she had just discovered that she couldn't even get her words out. Athrun felt his cheeks burn as he watched the table like it was something really interesting, when in fact he just wanted to escape her scary, staring eyes. How could she jump to the conclusion he liked men just by him admitting he wouldn't have anything against kissing Kira? Oh well, maybe being a guy and wanting to kiss another guy made you gay but... it wasn't like he got turned on by all random, good locking men, it was just Kira. It had always been only Kira.

"You..?"she begun again when he didn't answer but to his relief, the door opened behind her before she had time to ask for any more information. So he looked up to get away from her, making her distracted and maybe she would forget it all. But suddenly, while looking at the person who had just entered, he realized he was caught in the gaze of the only person on this ship who also knew his secret... and this one knew everything...

"Deakka?!"

Athrun was now just as shocked as the pink haired girl in front of him. She looked at him and then turned for the door as well.

"Oh sempai! Welcome back!" She smiled, and to Athrun's surprise she didn't say anything about what he had just said, because that would have been just like Luna. Maybe she had decided to keep it a secret for now, and the later on blackmail him about it. The blond, tanned man smirked as he looked down at them from the doorway, then he entered with a slight wave of his hand.

"Yo, Athrun, Luna"

Athrun's shock was total, having not seen his friend in months now, the blond still seemed to not have changed at all. Lunamaria talked to the older, smiling at his teasing and Athrun sat there listening, smiling as well. No, Deakka Elsman had not changed at all.

"So, exactly what are you doing here, Deakka?" he asked, half an hour later as he sank down on his bed, Deakka obviously planning to share his room. The blond smiled a little before wiggling his shoulders, lying down on the opposite bed.

"The other rooms were ether occupied or inhabited with boring people" he joked, Athrun sighing.

"You know what I mean" he said, yawning with tiredness. "Why are you suddenly on this ship?"

"I'm hitching" he smirked, then closing his eyes, sighing almost as if depressed. "Yzak was hurt again... so I'm on the mission to pic him up somewhere along the road. Minerva was the only ship headed this way so..."

"Hurt how?" Athrun asked while thinking back at their companion Yzak and how he and Deakka had always been inseparable. Seeing this man without the silver haired, ill-tempered one was indeed shocking.

"He broke his arm while fighting some new object of his 'Strike-anger'.." came the answer casually which made Athrun laugh, for the first time in months it seemed. Kira had been piloting the Gundam named Strike a long time ago, the first one he had ever piloted. The same time that Athrun had had Aegis and Deakka, Buster. Kira had been unstoppable, no matter how hard they had tried to take him down, even Athrun had fought him and failed. Kira had killed their friends Miguel and Nicol and had given Yzak a pretty scar, which he refused to remove until the pilot of the Strike was shot down.

Athrun had, just like his friends, hated Strike for all harm it caused them, but knowing it was Kira piloting it had made him soft. Yzak had been furious as soon as Strike was mentioned, always wanting to take it down him self, even defying orders to do so. Now hearing Deakka, who also knew Kira by now, talk about the "strike-anger" Yzak still possessed, made him at ease with his friend. Even though they had not seen each other in a rally long while, Deakka joked just as before, the same humour, the same smirk.

"Hm, that's just like him" Athrun snort, looking up at the sealing, almost as if to hide his smile of content. He had actually missed them both, a lot.

"Yup" Deakka nodded, almost in a sigh. "And how about you..? Where is Kira?"

Athrun's hear sank again. When had it become so hart to think about the brown haired one again? It was not like they were enemies this time... kind of. They didn't have to fight each other again and still...

"After what I saw..." Deakka kept on, now looking over at Athrun, not smirking like you would have guessed. "I thought you two would have been inseparable by now..? So, what happened?"

"We..."

"Come on Athrun" the blond said, sitting up and looking straight at him now. "What was it you said to him back then? I heard it you know, don't tell me you regret it now all of a sudden?"

"No I don't! I would never take that back... I just.."

"You just what?!" Deakka sounded more upset that he usually did, in fact, he hardly ever raised his voice concerning something like this. Athrun realized, almost in shock, that Deakka Elsman wouldn't react like this about anything, why he had grown so attached to this particular issue, Athrun did not understand at all. He could clearly remember when Deakka had found out, how he had thought the blond would laugh out loud straight into his face, or at least run and tell Yzak... but he did nether and that was so surprising, Athrun didn't even dare to question him why.

"Athrun" the young man said after the long silence that had followed, his voice once again calm and his light purple orbs locked to Athrun's. "I saw you that night, I saw how happy you were with him, I've never seen you like that before... not in all the years I've known you have I seen a smile like that on your face... don't you throw that smile away!"

Athrun couldn't speak, he knew he was scared to screw it up, scared to tell the boy because he did not want to lose his friendship... but Deakka was right, Athrun was only happy with Kira, and even though it all had become complicated and he had pushed his childhood friend away, he knew his own feelings and they had not changed. He still needed Kira more than ever, the weird think was that Deakka understood it...

"Athrun... you love him right?" the question was enough to cause Athrun's cheeks to dampen as soft tears started falling from his closed eyes. "I don't know what happened between you two okay? but... Athrun, what ever you do, don't throw your feelings for him away like that... I don't want you to go through the same pain I did..."

With those words, Deakka put his head back to his pillow, facing the wall, leaving Athrun with his tears falling silently down his chin. What had he meant with that? Deakka... gone through pain? Must be something Athrun had missed... He closed his eyes harder, thinking silently about what had happened in his life, about Kira. Once again, that painful expression in Kira's face, the last one he had seen, made him shiver with longing to hold him... fearing that would never happen again...

Why had he pushed him away? After all they had been though, why did they come up with the stupid rule of never letting that happen again... Kira had been so happy back then... why did they have to stop..?

***

"Kira? Kira hello?! Cagalli calling Kira Yamato back to earth!!" the blond girl almost shouted as she waved with her hand in front of her brother's face. He had been sitting on the corridor floor, back against the wall, facing the big window, looking at the clouds fly by. It wasn't like he didn't want to speak to her, and no he wasn't ignoring her, he just...

"Kira!!"

With a harsh, clicking sound, the palm of her hand slapped the side of his cheek and he blinked twice in surprise, reaching for his aching, bruised skin.

"Cagalli...?"

"Oh don't you 'Cagalli' me!" she spat, obviously upset for some reason, not that it was weird that she hit him, she always did that, but not as hard as this time. "I've been trying to get your attention for hours, don't tell me you're spacing out again!"

"I'm sorry... I was just thinking" he smiled, that kind of smile which always made her anger drain away. See, it was hard being mad at that innocent boy, especially when you had just slapped him and he didn't even get mad at you.

"It's okay.." she sighed, leaning him a hand so he could stand up easier. Tori, his bird, twittered on his shoulder like always, taking a spin around her head before it returned to his usual spot. "Murdoch wants to see you about Freedom... 'right away' he said"

Kira smiled at her imitation of the worker and then nodded, walking back through the corridor with Cagalli by his side. They walked in silence for a while, both tired and since Kira had not been able to get a good night sleep in days, he must have been even more out of it than she was. And as expected, she was the first one to speak.

"Did you and Athrun have a fight..?"

The question was so absurd, he stopped to a second, not so she noticed it though. He wondered slightly what he was supposed to say... Had they? He didn't even know the answer him self, as it turned out. The last time they had seen each other, it had been right after Athrun had kissed his sister... And of course Kira had been mad. His best friend and his sister... now come one, that could only be trouble. Still, somewhere underneath his ribs, his hear ached more than ever when he remembered the feeling of those lips if his... now knowing that Cagalli was the last one to kiss them made him more angry than he had ever thought possible.

"Well did you?" she asked again, looking back at him as he started walking again. "Because as soon as any one starts talking about him you get that look in your eyes..."

"What look?"

"It looks like you are about to cry, Kira" she whispered, making him shocked on the inside but he didn't show it, just kept walking. Was it so easy to see what he was feeling? He had tried so hard to like Athrun always did: locking his feelings on the inside, not letting his tears slip. He had thought it had worked, but she was his twin after all.

"Well..." he sighed and smiled, putting a soft arm around her waist and pulling her up close to tease. "..me and your boyfriend are perfectly fine... so don't you worry about ether of us." The words he said hurt him but he knew she needed to hear it. Besides, he and Athrun had decided they wouldn't go further... further than they had gone that time, half a year ago. And apparently, Athrun liked Cagalli now, which made perfect seance since she was a woman and a good looking one at that.

"Boyfriend?" She blushed and looked away from him. After all, he was not aware of the love she had once felt for him, on a completely different level than you were supposed to have for your brother. And yes, it was before she knew of course.

"I saw you kiss..." he smiled softly, hugging her still as they stepped into the elevator. She blushed even more at that statement, but she didn't comment, didn't even look at him and he smiled again. She was kind of childish some times. "...so I just guessed you were... together?"

"I'm sorry Kira..." She whispered, looking down at her feet all the time. "I know he is your best friend and all... I should have told you..."

His heart sank in his chest. He had not really thought they were together, only though she had kissed Athrun or something, even though he had clearly seen she was the one being kissed by him. He had thought that if they were officially together, Athrun would have told him? Or at least not slept in his bed... That moment seemed so distant right now. What exactly had happened to "I can't live without you Kira"..? Had anything changed since then? Kira was still in desperate need for his childhood friend, he had though all this time that Athrun had felt the same way.. but that they would wait as they had said, until after the war... Kira had had the same fear before, that his feelings would destroy their friendship, and when he had realized Athrun felt the same he had agreed to wait... But he had never though of any one else... and he had always thought Athrun hadn't ether...

Everything had happened almost half a year ago and since then they hadn't even hugged, at least not as often as before that. Kira had been sad, almost had problems even speaking to his friend, always just thinking about how much he wanted to be in his arms again.

It had been a stormy night and Kira had been out looking for a crashed jet one of their pilots had been piloting. He had been out for three hours when his Gundam had suddenly started to run out of power, he had been to far away from the Archangel and before he had time to even turn around and go back, he had been attacked by some Ginns coming from nowhere. With little power left and no way of contacting the ship, he had fought desperately in the dark, no matter how good he was there had been a small chance of surviving something like that.

At the same time Athrun had been on his way to the Archangel, he was not a part of their crew but he and Deakka had fought on their side and every one on the ship trusted the two of them. Athrun had a message he had to deliver to Cagalli and he thought the best ones to do that for him was her brother, plus he had of course been looking forward to seeing his friend again. However, as soon as Athrun had come close to the Archangel he had been called out to by Miriallia Haww, saying desperately that Kira had gone missing and that soon he' run out of power...

Athrun had told him afterwards how worried he had been, almost crying when he couldn't find him no matter how hard he had looked. After more than an hour of searching the rain had started to pore down even harder and Athrun had almost lost control of his always so composed state, when suddenly he had caught the distress call coming from Kira's Freedom.

When he had finally reached the damaged machine, Kira had fainted due to exhaustion and even though Athrun knew there were enemy re-enforcement on the way, he had stepped out in the rain and fetched him into his own Gundam without hesitation. Before the enemy had shown up he had then picked up Freedom with his own, Justice, and taken him back to the Archangel. Kira had woken up in Athrun's lap inside the narrow cockpit, wet all over since he had crashed into the ocean with Freedom to try to escape the enemy when his armour died.

As soon as they had returned to the ship, Athrun had carried him, bridal style, to his room, all the others worried to bits, bringing them both blankets and food to get them warmed up again. Athrun had sat by his bedside all the time until Kira had seen how he shivered and pulled him down beside him under the blanket with the words "I don't want to be the reason you have to stay here, so don't you get sick because of me."

Athrun had just smiled at that then pulled Kira close to his chest, just as he had done the other night, and whispered, sleepiness filling his voice.

"You are always the reason I want to stay here Kira... So I'll stay, even if I don't get sick this time."

The dark one had fallen asleep shortly after that but Kira had just been lying there, looking up at the young man's face, not knowing what he had meant with that. He had not wanted to let that moment go, wanting to lie so close for ever... it was only weeks before that that Kira had realized his feelings were not as they had used to be for his childhood friend. He had thought so much about him and wanted to see him so badly... soon he had understood that wasn't really the normal way of feeling for a friend... especially when he suddenly had found himself in a "hard" situation one morning after dreaming about him. Now, when he was lying so close, he had no idea of what to do. But obviously his body had thought it a good idea to sleep, because that was what he had done.

He had woken up later the same eventing by thunder and had been wanting to crawl up against Athrun's strong chest when he suddenly had realized he had been left alone in the bed. When looking up from underneath the sheets he had seen Athrun walking around in the room, lightening candles...

"Kira?" Cagalli said, poking his forehead with her hard fingertip. "Come on, I know I should have told you but... I promise I won't hurt him okay? And even though he is your best friend.. don't be mad at me for spending more time with him from now on..? please?"

He smiled and shook the thoughts of his mind as he smiled, feeling his heart hit the rocky bottom of his stomach. That had been half a year ago, of course Athrun had moved on since he... did that with her and all. Maybe he did that to show Kira he should move on too? Feeling that was impossible he just wanted to kill his sister there on the spot... still, he loved her so he wanted what was best for her, Athrun being the best guy he had ever met, so kind and warm-hearted, he must be the best for her... Even though Kira didn't want it to be true.

"Of course I won't hate you" he then said, stroking her blushing cheek softly, resting his forehead against hers to show his affection for her. "Athrun is the best guy there is... And I want what's best for you, don't you worry, because since I know him... I know how good he is for you.."

She smiled, and because he was so close to her, she couldn't see the sadness in his smile, or notice the tears in his eyes, which was just what he had planned. She shouldn't need to worry about him in a time like this, besides, it made perfect seance that he liked her and Kira shouldn't be angry... after all she was a woman... more Athrun's type...

***

"So what was it you wanted to talk to me about?" the blond man asked as they made their way into the bedroom to change clothes after being out on deck, surprised by a thunderstorm. Athrun sighed and pulled of his uniform, shivering to the bone, happy to relieve himself from the wet clothes. Deakka was playing clueless, as if what he had said the other day had never happened, but Athrun knew him enough to know that that was his way of saying he was listening.

"I kissed Cagalli..." He answered after unbuttoning his pants, his back turned to his friend but he could hear the older one stop in his motions, listening. "And Kira saw it..."

"You what..?" Deakka seemed upset again. Why did he care so much about this? He hardly knew Kira, and yes, he respected him and all, but to be so upset about something like love was not at all like the blond brat. "Why the hell did you kiss her? And you're so stupid you let him see it too?! Are you mad? I had faith in you man!"

"Well I can't help it!" Athrun spat, turning furiously to him, tears threatening to overflow his green eyes. "I didn't tell him I was going but he found out from somewhere and came to the storage! She was already there and when he came in I couldn't take my eyes of him!! I wanted it to be him in my arms and I don't fucking know how it happened but suddenly she was kissing me back and I was..." his voice broke as the tears fell. He had almost not even realized how much it had hurt him to do it. He had just thought about how bad Kira must be feeling... not of how much pain he had also caused himself.

"You kissed her... because you wanted him there..?" Deakka asked, looking away. He had always had a hard time when someone was crying, not knowing how to comfort as Nicol had described it. Nicol had always been the one comforting every one...

Athrun could only nod, closing his eyes and drawing a deep breath before his words returned to him. "And now he must be thinking I've moved on... And I'll never get him back... cause we are moving the opposite direction from the Archangel... I won't see him again for another six months..."

The tears were unstoppable and he couldn't control his breath. His hands clenched at his sides as he could hear Kira's voice ring in his ears _'So I'm always your reason for staying, ne Athrun? Then I'm always with you... since you can't always be here... I'll always be in here in stead... in your heart with you...'_ His knees collapsed and he fell to the ground, his cry piercing though Deakka's heart with such pain he gasped for air, Athrun, hitting the floor with his fists so hard he thought his bones would break.

"Athrun..." Deakka said, his voice calm but worried as he knelt at his friend's side, slowly reaching out a hesitant hand over him before softly stroking his back, affectionately. "...I'm so sorry..." Athrun was shaking, his entire body in shock from the wave of emotions suddenly caching up with him. Deakka took a deep breath and sighed it out, then reached out more, taking Athrun's hands and pulled him close to his own chest, resting his arms around his friend in a warm hug, Athrun so shocked he almost stopped crying. "Kira loves you... so don't give up on him, no matter what you do, don't let him go... I understand that it's hard okay... but you can't give up... I don't want to see you cry like this... got me?"

Athrun felt his tears dripping down even more at those words and he dug his fingers into Deakka's new, dry shirt, crying more than ever as he felt his arms tighten around his own shaking body. This wasn't like Deakka ether... What had happened to that smug teenager he had once known? He would never have done anything like this, he would have told Athrun to get up on his feet and stop crying before he made a fool of himself...

After what seemed like hours Athrun finally calmed down, Deakka's swatter now wet again, Athrun with red eyes and damp cheeks. He looked up at his friend and the older one blushed slightly, letting go of him and stood up, leaving Athrun on the floor, but not before he had made sure Athrun was okay.

"Now get up on your feet and stop crying like a fag..." he snort, looking at Athrun from the corner of his eye. "..before you make a fool of yourself..."

Athrun couldn't help but let a weak laugh leave his lips as he met Deakka's tenderly smiling eyes. He had always been the same, and now Athrun had seen the other side of him, the side he had never thought existed in his friend. He was happy, knowing and understanding now why Deakka had been so upset... he had been caring about a close friend, just like Nicol had been caring. There was a lot they didn't know about each other, Athrun realized, and now he wasn't alone... The feeling was warm. He stood up on slightly shaking legs, resting his weight against the bed and he saw from the corner of his eye how Deakka made a movement as if to be ready to catch him if he fell. Then, when Athrun had regained his balance, the blond turned to his bed again, changing his pants.

"And not one word about this to any one... or I swear I'll kill you with my bare hands.."

"Oh i wouldn't dream of it" Athrun laughed and pulled a T-shirt over his naked skin, feeling the warmth of it calming his nerves a little more, then changing his pants. "But I might just let it slip when I talk to Yzak... you never know..."

"No way!?" Deakka jumped him and pinched the laughing Athrun to the floor, his eyes almost both scared and upset. "Swear you won't or I'll punch your face in!"

Athrun couldn't stop laughing even though he almost couldn't breath from the tight grip on his throat. Deakka had certainly both changed and not changed at all, which was funny, since Athrun had always thought he had him figured. Now seeing that face made him smile, not caring about the situation he was in.

Deakka had always held his back, even without Athrun knowing it. Softly he put his fingers around the blond ones hand and pulled it away from his throat, Deakka not fighting against the movement, he was in shock apparently. When the blond ones hand was out of the way Athrun sat up and immediately hugged him tightly.

"Thank you Deakka..." he smiled, feeling Deakka first tense in surprise then relax a little, even hugging him back. It was warm and Athrun smiled as he could feel Deakka's strong arms hug him, getting the feeling of a big brother all of a sudden. None of them really thought about what position they were in: Athrun on the floor, Deakka sitting over his lap, one leg on each side, holding each other in a tight hug with closed eyes... But Athrun couldn't care less. Besides, Deakka was good at hugging like this... And he needed a hug like this, now more than ever.

Knock. knock.

"Sempai? Athrun?"

The door opened and Lunamaria stepped inside, stopping abruptly in the doorway, her smile draining away at once, her mouth open wide in shock.

-

**What the F is wrong with that girl?! :O she always stumbles on secrets doesn't she? ;) well there wouldn't be much of a cliffhanger if she didn't right? ;) And hey Kira, come on! Does he really think Athrun have moved on? Does he seriously think Athrun has fallen for Cagalli now all of a sudden? And how come Murdoch and Deakka know what happened that rainy day? "What was it you said to him back then? I heard you you know" that was what Deakka said :O hmmmm?**

**There is a lot going on now :O please review and tell me what you think! :D otherwise I won't even know if you like it ;___; **

**bye! ;3  
**


	4. cry out in pain

**hey there :D I'm back again! Be happy, because I am currently working on two stories and this one happened to be top priority ;) at least this week :O Though.. I'll be going away next week so if this is not finished by the end of this week you'll know that you might have to wait. I'm sorry **

**well, I hope you all are having an awesome time and that you'll keep liking this story and reading it to the very end :D **

**now, do you remembered what happened in last chapter? :O omg that little girl (you know with the pink hair and big boobs ._. no I don't really like her XD) came in on Athrun and Deakka :O when they were doing something highly suspicious to a yaoi-freak like her!! :O well... here you go ;) what will happen?**

**Warning: This is now a yaoi/shonen ai and I am so sorry but there is more to come :P (okay I am not sorry at all but I have to say this ;)) so if you don't like boyxboy, don't read :O otherwise... if you do like it... you know what to do ;)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam SEED or Destiny... no matter how much I asked Santa for it ;___; **

**-  
**

Deakka didn't really react at first, if he was so scared he did not move or if he didn't care, Athrun did not know, but he would have guessed on the last one. Athrun himself, remembering the last chat he had had with the pink haired girl, now blushed more than ever.

"L-Lunamaria..." he said and she immediately dropped the water bottle she was carrying, waking Deakka from his shock. Both boy's stood up, Deakka first up on his legs, moving over to his bed not to have to look at her but Athrun caught a glimpse of his blushing cheeks. Lunamaria was staring at them and Athrun stood up slowly, correcting his pants, but then he realized that would probably make the whole thing even more suspicious so he stopped, moving to his bed too, drying his still wet hair with his towel.

"Why are you here?" he asked when his heart had calmed down. He had just discovered something he had not been totally prepared for. But if he knew the manly body well enough, he could have sworn Deakka had reacted a little different on that hug than he would have expected. There was no way Deakka was in love with him..? right? So... what could that mean..?

"I..." The girl stuttered and then she bent forward and picked up the bottles from the floor. "I was gonna ask if you could come help me with the Impulse... Athrun..." Her blush was even more intense now that she stood up again, but since Athrun was certain his own had vanished he smiled towards her and nodded.

"Sure, I'll be right out"

She nodded and left in a hurry, the door sliding to close behind her, leaving both boys alone again. Athrun sighed and sat down on his bed, watching Deakka's back in wonder. The blond was zipping his swatter shut and then dried his hair without a word.

"You okay?" Athrun asked when the silence started to get to cold. Deakka stopped for a second, then kept drying, still without a word. Athrun sighed again and stood to walk over to his friend but before he came closer, Deakka turned, his eyes burning with humiliation, or maybe... something else... sadness?

"No, I'm not okay" he answered, throwing the cloth to the ground. "She'll take that the totally wrong way, and all the ship will know within two hours! And then, when Yzak gets here, that will be the first thing he will hear and..."

Athrun realized in that second what it was that was different with the young man in front of him... And Deakka realized he had seen it, because he fell silent, watching his feet again. Athrun smiled a little and walked over to him again, not caring if he'd be hit in the face for it.

"I promise you that I'll talk to her okay?" Deakka looked up at those words again and met his eyes, the fire gone now all of a sudden. "And I promise I won't tell Yzak any thing about this ether... so don't you worry?" Athrun smiled, hesitated a moment before deciding that they had already gotten caught in action as they hugged once, so they had nothing to lose. He pulled his friend up close, smiling more as he got hugged back without any struggle. He would never have guessed Deakka and him were in the same mess... never.

After a little while they let go, Deakka not looking up at him but Athrun sighed in content before leaving the room. That Deakka was in love must be the biggest surprise in history... really, Athrun had never thought he would see the day his perverted friend turned gay. He even wondered slightly when he had any way, had he just realized it him self or... long ago?

"See you later fag.." his blond friend called as Athrun opened the door and he snort as answer, but smiled to the side.

"I should say the same to you... but that would be breaking the promise, you know, fag"

"You..!"

Athrun laughed and let the door slide shut behind him, now facing Lunamaria who was standing with her back against the opposite wall, her cheeks flushing as soon as she met his eyes. She bowed immediately and stayed down while speaking fast in a high pitched voice.

"I'm so sorry Athrun! Please forgive me! I didn't think I was interrupting anything! I'm so sorry for causing you trouble!!"

"Luna..." he smiled and waked over to her, his head to the side to really show her she didn't need to be so embarrassed about it. "You didn't interrupt us at all... so don't worry ne?"

She raised her head and nodded but her blush didn't disappear, instead she started walking down the corridor beside him in silence. He wondered when he would tell her she shouldn't spread the word, the wondered if he should tell her the truth about why he had been sitting there hugging Deakka randomly like that...

"I told you though, didn't I?" She asked suddenly, now smiling and looking back at him even though her blush wasn't gone. He watched her in surprise and she shook her head to his obliviousness. "That when you say you're sorry, he'll hug you and say how stupid you are and..." She blushed again and walked fasted, Athrun now laughing at her childish behaviour.

"Well I'm sorry to disappoint you Lunamaria" she sighed and caught up to her, pulling her close with his hand around her slender waist, making her blush even more. "But he was not the one I was talking about..."

"For being gay you're certainly close to woman.." she squealed and looked down at his arm with burning cheeks, it was not like she wasn't affected by the way he looked, oh God she had had a crush on his gorgeousness for the longest of time!

"I'm not gay" he answered, almost in a whisper and before she could argue he continued. "It might be that case that I am in love with another man, yes... but that is just him, no one else..." She seemed to have no objections and since she stayed quiet he kept on. "And when it comes to me and Deakka just now... He knows about what you have so suddenly found out, and he was comforting me, been though it looked more suspicious than that..."

"Oh..." she said, sounding a little disappointed. "So he was just hugging you then? Nothing more between you guys?"

"That's right, and we would appreciate it if you did not tell any one about what you've seen okay?" he said and she looked even more disappointed at that but didn't argue. "You see, Luna, if you'd tell anyone I'd fear for your own safety."

She stared up at him and he laughed, pulling her closer with a smirk, feeling totally satisfied with himself after being hugged by his friend and then finding out he was gay. It was a utterly satisfying experience... okay that sounded wrong.

"I'm just kidding, but please Luna, don't "kiss and tell" okay?"

"Okay I'll do it for you" she snort and he laughed, following her all the way to the Impulse where Yolant and Vino were already arguing what to do next. Vino was pulling his red nap in frustration, the dark skinned boy beside him hitting him in the head.

"You weren't supposed to do anything until Athrun-sampai came here you know!"

Athrun laughed at them, in areal good mood now, remembering how he and Kira had been when they were younger: just like the two boys in front of him, so carefree and open to everything. He was glad most of the crew here were this happy most of the time, almost as if there had never been a war. He actually felt at home with them, more than he had done on the last ZAFT ship he had been on any way.

"So I heard you needed me boys?"

***

Deakka sighed and let the cloth drop down on his pillow, looking out the window at the rainy skies. His head felt as heavy as the clouds over them, his heart beating heard in his chest as he thought of Kira and Athrun... Him and Yzak. To think about Athrun's relationship made it easier to deal with his own feelings, dealing with his own heartache. That day, half a year ago when he had come to the Archangel to fetch his friend he had not known anything, not even his won feelings. He had walked straight to Kira's room, not thinking at all, followed by Murdoch who wanted to speak to Kira...

Now, thinking back on that day, he thought he should have at least knocked before entering, but he had done exactly what Lunamaria had done now, just walked inside without thinking first...

He smiled a little. After that Athrun had been so embarrassed, and it had even been cute to see him like that. Kira hadn't really cared it seemed, when Deakka and Athrun were on their way to leave he had come running, breath in his throat and eyes brightly shining. Athrun had been shocked but had happily and without hesitation what so ever, jumped out of his Gundam and taken the boy in his arms, kissing him deeply, the brown haired one griping his shirt hard. They had longed for each other and since then Deakka had regretted coming in on them... if he hadn't, they might have been something they weren't today. He hated it, feeling like he was the one responsible for their separation. If he just hadn't walked in on them... if he just hadn't forced Athrun to leave with him that day... just waited the night..?

The feeling had always made him down and he had regretted it so badly he had decided to do anything in his power to get them back together, if it was only for one night, he just had to do it. Because he knew, if he couldn't do that for them, nether he nor Athrun would ever rest, and Kira wouldn't do that ether.. probably. Deakka didn't want to cause any of them more heartache than he already had. So this was what he needed to do, even though he didn't really know how...

And then came his won problems. Oh God, there seemed to be no end to them. And why did the stupid idiot get to break his arm right now?! This was the worst time of year to be down in a "boat" on the high, stormy sea, and of course they had to send Deakka after him!

Still, Deakka was smiling as he thought of it. It was really like the stupid prick, hurting himself in the passion of battle. He had always been the impulsive one, Nicol the warm-hearted, Athrun the serious, strategic one and he himself... yeah what was he? The sidekick? nah.. more, the only one who could keep Yzak calm and the first one to ask the question "what are we fighting for" for real as he had joined the Archangel after they took him as a prisoner.

"Deakka Elsman?" came the sound from the screen on the wall and he stood up and walked over to it, pressing the button to answer.

"Yeah?"

"We are beginning to close up on the island, so you better prepare to launch, Captain says." The young, dark skinned boy smiled at him and Deakka nodded, seeing Athrun in the background, behind the boy.

"I'll be there in a minute, tell Athrun to stay were he is, wanna talk to him before I leave."

"Sure Sempai!"

The screen went dark and he sighed. That damn Yzak, so foolish and so naive. Next time, Deakka promised himself, he would ether go with him from the beginning and this wouldn't happen, or he would not come to fetch him. Yzak was so spoiled that Deakka always came for him, and why did he? Well because he loved.... oh screw it! There was no way he would admit it yet! Not yet!

***

"Athrun... promise me one thing..."

Athrun looked up at his blond friend in the small jet he was piloting to go fetch Yzak. The older man didn't look back at him when he spoke and Athrun felt as if he had done something to offend him... he was seldom like this, it almost scared him, seeing Deakka like that.

"Anything, Deakka" he answered, stepping up to get closer so that Deakka could speak in normal voice. The blond sighed before continuing.

"...when you see Kira, promise me that you won't wait...?"

"Wait?" Athrun was confused, no question about it. He had some how found out Deakka was gay while having him in his lap, then some how tried to understand still why Deakka was so obsessed with him not letting Kira go... What was going on in his mind? Athrun just wanted to understand him, before it was to late.

"Don't wait until the war is over" Deakka continued, looking up at him now, his intense eyes seeking Athrun's gaze and looking their eyes together. "Show him right away you want him, and make sure he gets it... don't wait until it's to late!"

"Athrun! Come on he's launching! get away from there!"

Athrun stepped down on the floor and backed away. He could still see his friend but the cockpit closed and even though he saw Deakka trying to say something he couldn't hear a word of it. Pain surged through his chest and he sighed, tightening his fists. It sounded like Deakka wasn't going to come back any more... Now that Athrun had seen the soft side of him, that thought really hurt... more than he had thought.

With quick movements he then turned suddenly, heading for the screen on the side of the wall. He needed to get though to him, at least do what Deakka had asked him to: promise. With shanking fingers he blipped some of the buttons, waiting for the screen to show him the inside of the jet. Why his hands were shaking he did not know, but maybe it was determination... maybe fright. Deakka looked up on the screen, his eyes widening in surprise as Athrun met his eyes.

"I promise, Deakka" Athrun almost panted, smiling a little at the same time.

"Athrun..."

"But you have to promise you'll come back okay?"

Deakka went from surprised face, to a smile, to a smirk as he snort and looked down, just as he always did, almost as if to hide what face he was making. Athrun didn't know why he had said it or why he had felt such need for his friend to come back soon. There was something with Deakka now that made Athrun feel both vulnerable and at ease being around him. Deakka was one of the few that knew about him and Kira, he was one of the few that had seen Athrun cry... And he had comforted him. Now, when Deakka looked up again, the smirk was shining but Athrun could see the gentle smile underneath it.

"Ah" he said and raised his thumb. "I'll definitely be back, soon, so don't you worry about it fag"

***

"Hey kid, why are you sitting in a place like this? Sulking again?" The rough voice half laughed and Kira looked up to meet Murdoch's smiling face. The older man was smiling like always and somehow it always used to make Kira feel a bit better when he was found by him, but not this time. Maybe he was sulking, but he had no desire to stop doing so.

He was sitting on the floor, his back resting against the foot of Freedom and his head had been rested on his knees and arms when Murdoch found him. Kira had been sitting there, behind the bid Gundam for almost two hours, not wanting to move and not made a sound as soon as he had heard someone come close. He had heard Cagalli calling for him, then listened to Sai as he had tried to calm his sister when they had been up in the Gundam and realized he was not there. But Kira had not even cared... he always used to care about what other people felt, always putting every one else's happiness and well-being, so why..? Why didn't he care his sister was crying..? Why didn't he care when Miriallia came calling for him, saying it was time to eat, even though he could hear the worry in her voice... It felt like every one had passed him in those two hours, like every one had been up in Freedom to look for him... and it nether bothered him, or even moved him at all.

Now when Murdoch, the worker Kira was most afraid of finding him, had done so, Kira just wanted to sink through the floor. Could he never be left alone when he was sad.... _"I never want to see you with that lonely look on your face again kira"_ Athrun's voice suddenly rang in his ears, making him gasp silently. He shook his head, realizing a little to late that Murdoch was still looking down at him, but he tried not to care. Why did he even think about Athrun now? He should stop it right away! Athrun had moved on... and no matter what he had told Kira in the past, those things shouldn't matter to him any more...

So why..? Why did the tears now fall from his cheeks...? Why did the pain only grow stronger when he thought of those green eyes, that gentle smile, those looks of compassion, friendship, comfort, love... Why did he tremble by those memories? Why did that soft voice ring in his ears so desperately...?

"Kira..." the older man whispered, crouched in front of him while laying a soft hand on Kira's shaking shoulder. "If you're happy, be happy... if you're sad, be sad..."

Kira felt as if his lungs were collapsing, suddenly in need of more air than they could bring him. His hands were shaking more than ever, his mind crying for air as his body dropped and his head bumped hard into the strong chest in front of him, causing the man to tense in surprise. Kira's tears were unstoppable, his voice not reaching his lips as he tried to speak, his hands clasped his heart with fingers squeezing his own shirt so tightly they were about to rip the skin underneath.

"Kira..." the man said again as his shock passed, slowly and hesitant raising his hands to embrace the crying boy at his feet. "I'm here... let it out and you won't be alone any more..."

The cry reached his lips, so heartbreaking and terrifying the rest of the ship looked up. Kira couldn't feel it, nor hear it, but as he screamed the ground was shaking, as he pored his feelings out into the open air, the wind stopped to listen. His limbs were trembling along with his heart, his body heat dropping with the tears falling over his damp cheeks. Murdoch gently lifted him closer, away from the cold ground but Kira's body wouldn't stop shaking, his cries did not stop... No words were hared, only the lonely cry from his heart and the sound of his hot tears... leaving his body cold and empty.

"I..." he sobbed, breathing so hard his muscles cramped in his chest, causing the world around him to change shape and disappear no matter how hard he tried to focus, even the ground underneath his feet seemed to leave him hanging... "I... can't..." His head was pounding, his body suddenly wanting to relax as the need for air still pressed on his chest, like if something big was sitting there, over his heart. He tried to scream the words out, but they disappeared, he tried to squeeze the pain away, but his heart only pounded higher in his ears, he tried to cry it all away... but his tears were to dry away... his voice was nothing more than a weak whisper of sorrow as his body fell numb and the pounding noise of his heart suddenly stopped...

***

"So when will you stop being so grumpy?" Deakka snort as they sat in the waiting room, waiting for Yzak to be discharged, the silver haired one refusing to speak a word for the whole two hours Deakka had been there. Deakka sighed and reached for one of the magazines, looking through it even though his eyes did not see what the pages said or showed, he didn't care. "You know I could have just refused to get you... then you'd be stuck here until someone else had time to get you..."

He could see the quick movement in his friend's lips as if he wanted to say something, but Yzak seemed to have learned how to shut up, just to prove his point, he looked out the window, the opposite direction from Deakka.

"You're troublesome you know..." Deakka sighed, not showing at all how frustrated he was, even hurt. He had done this from his friend and as soon as he had stepped into the room, he had gotten that "what the fuck are you of all people doing here" look that Yzak had always looked at Athrun with...Now Deakka had realized why Athrun and this stubborn one had never gotten along... that look Yzak had given him was enough to shut them both up.

The silence fell and to be honest, that was a part of Deakka's plan, because, knowing the troublesome kid better than any one, he knew how much Yzak hated it when it was quiet. The minutes passed, Yzak looking out the window, Deakka looking through yet another paper. And before he knew it, his plan was working.

"You know they don't have porno magazines here" Yzak said, his voice not quite as strong as he had wanted it to be but strong enough, and Deakka was pleased so Yzak just had to add an insult. "Fag..."

Deakka smiled down in the paper, his thoughts going for a moment to Athrun, that stupid fag. Then he led the paper fall back down on the table again, turning back to his friend to find him still looking out the window.

"You're not even going to say thank you?" he asked, seeing how the other one twitched a little, tensing his hands but without speaking. "Do you know how many asses I had to kick to get here?" He could hear Yzak smirk and smiled to himself, at least he wasn't mad for real.

"You always kiss asses Deakka.."

"And look where it got me..." he smirked. "Waiting in a cold, white room with a jerk who doesn't speak to me even though we've known each other since childhood... my my, I should really quit kissing ass I guess, at least stop kissing yours since it doesn't get me anywhere" They fell quiet again, but this time Deakka was sure Yzak would be the one to speak next time... and he was right, as always... though, the words coming from Yzak's mouth were not the ones he would have imagined ever hearing from those lips...

"I missed you too..."

Deakka could not help to make a little sound of surprise, making Yzak turn slowly to look back at him again, for the first time in almost an hour. His blue eyes were more intense than Deakka remembered them being an hour ago, the colour was to much to handle as he softly drowned in them without even fighting against it...

"It's been a while... hasn't it?" Yzak then said, still looking straight into his eyes as Deakka nodded. "You did miss me, right?"

"Yeah..." What was the point in denying that? Besides, they were friends, of course they had missed each other, right...? Wait, Yzak had said.. he had missed...?

Suddenly his pocket vibrated, all too close to a certain spot which made him shiver all the way up his spine. Quickly he looked down and then pulled his cellphone up, Yzak staring at it, just as shocked as Deakka.

"Who is calling you?" he asked in confusion, standing up to walk over to Deakka, his left arm in bondage. "I thought I was the only one ever caring to call you...."

"What, you jealous?" Deakka teased, looking at the little screen "Miriellia..?"

As he pressed the green button and looked up at Yzak he suddenly saw a glimpse of that face he was so used to seeing in Yzak's face... pure jealousy. For real?! Why was he jealous now? He had only been joking, not really believing her was... so why? Because Deakka had been called by someone else... or maybe... Miriellia? Didn't Yzak know they had broken up a long time ago..?

"Deakka here, Miri?"

Yzak turned and headed towards the door, before Deakka could react he had left the room. He would have folowed his friend and was even about to tell the girl to call him back later but suddenly he hared her upset breathing and he stopped.

"Miri? what happened? You okay?"

"_No I'm not... I mean... yeah but..." _

Deakka sank down in the same seat Yzak had been using, pressing the phone close to his ear to be able to hear her though it, as she was talking really far away from the mike.

"Miri, please try to calm down" he said in a steady voice, hating when she was this upset, he had always cared about her but when she was like this his heart ached more than ever. "Take a deep breath and then tell me what happened?" The girl on the other side of the line did as he asked until her breath had calmed enough for her to speak normally.

"_There was some kind of accident... I... I don't know what happened..."_ she breathed out and he tried his best to be able to hear her words. _"I tried to reach the Minerva but they are to far away and.. I didn't know who else to call and..." _

"Miri, what kind of accident? Are you hurt?! Where are you?" he couldn't stay calm ether, now so worried he thought he might burst open on the spot. He even jumped out of his seat.

"_Deakka, you need to tell Athrun!"_ she cried out, making him drop dead in his movements... he recognised this manner in her voice, she wasn't the one in need... he had heard her speak like this so many times to the Freedom... it couldn't be... _"I don't have any way of telling him! He needs to know! Please Deakka..."_

"What must I tell him... Miri?"

"_Kira... he is..!!"_

_-_

**"Kira wa... nani??" What happened to Kira?! :O will he be okay? what is it Miriallia needs to tell Athrun?! Will Athrun find out before it is to late? And will he ever have the chance to tell Kira he is still desperately in love with him...?**

**And poor Deakka... caught in all this, his own problems hanging over him like a giant balloon ready to burst... What will Yzak do when he finds out his best friend is... well... likes him in a more romantic light than he would have ever guessed?! :O find out soon!!**

**and please keep reviewing :D and you who haven't done that yet... please tell me what you think :D I'll be so happy! :D**_**  
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	5. what we have forgotten

**hi again every one! I'm sorry for being late with the chapter but I've been away on a summer camp :O oh boy... no yaoi for a whole week XD damn... Any way! Here comes next chapter and I hope you enjoy it! :D I've been writing it all day and I am pretty pleased with the outcome of it :P though there might be some mistakes and I hope they will not disturb you that much :O if they do, please tell me!**

**I am aware that many of you found me mean cause I just left you hanging for a week on a cliff that was about to break but... well.... We'll see what you think of this chapie :D and please tell me ne? :D What you think I mean :D **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam SEED Destiny... and I am not rich, I do not live in the US and I do not speak Japanese fluently... but no matter what, I'll try to accomplish all these things XD some day XD**

**warning!: This is Boyxboy!! okay... maybe not that much s.e.x yet but we'll get there ;) no doubt! so if you don't like, don't give me shit about it :O cause if you read it any way it's your own fault XD haha**

**to every one else... ENJOY :D  
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"If it's not Deakka-sempai, then who is it?" Lunamaria asked as she shoved the blankets into the locker, so high above her own head she had to stand on her toes. The blankets first seemed to be content with their position but soon they suddenly fell and she let out a little scream as they threatened to cover her body, but as she opened her eyes, she realized she had not been hit by any of them. Athrun had reached out one hand and stopped them at the moment of falling. Now he just smiled and stuffed them further inside, his arms working over her shoulders. "Thank you sempai" she blushed and waited until he was finished before grabbing some more blankets, waiting for an answer.

It took a while and it wasn't before Athrun stepped back to keep wiping the table with the wet cloth that he finally answered. "A man I've known almost my entire life... someone that really understands every part of me... the only one who can really comfort me..." She listened carefully as she kept on working as well, almost holding her breath. "You haven't met him for real... eye to eye but... I hope you will some day... outside your Gundam."

"There you go with that word again" she smiled, not really knowing how to take this new piece of information. Did he mean she had just seen him some where? On a TV broadcast maybe? "_You haven't met him for real... eye to eye..." _He was being mysterious again. "You know you could save your self the trouble and just call them G's like every one else?"

Athrun laughed and nodded, looking back at her now, making her feel herself blushing for some reason, his eyes had that affect on her.

"That's what I said too, when he first called them that" he smiled and she felt her heart flutter, so this was how the famous Athrun Zala looked when he talked and thought about the love of his life? No wonder he had a fan club.. they must all have seen him like this. He was beautiful.

"He?" She asked, even though she could guess it was that man, she wanted to know who now, she needed to know!

"Yes" he answered while turning away, smiling still but not showing her all his emotions, she was sure of it. Damn, why did he have to be so good a hiding everything?! "When I saw him face to face one time he called my Justice for a Gundam... you should have seen the look on my face. Deakka told me, he had never seen anything quite like it..."

"Eh? Deakka was there? He knows who it is you're talking about?" She couldn't hide her surprise, nor stop herself from dropping the things she was holding. There was no way she could have found out who it was just an hour ago when Deakka was still on the ship?! Now he was gone to get Yzak Jule and he might not even return to the Minerva! She wanted to know! But there was no way Athrun would tell her now... he was bottled up, she could see it.

"Yeah... They know each other quite well by now I would say..." he said and she stopped in her motions. It couldn't be Yzak... could it? Hadn't he always thought Athrun irritating..? "I think Deakka calls them that too... Gundam I mean."

As he said that she could faintly remember the blond one actually call them that once, asking if the Impulse really was a _Gundam _since it was so "weird". Because he had asked Shinn and not her she had not asked him where he had learned to call it that but... now she kind of realized both he, Deakka and Yzak actually did call them that... The realization was so much for her she felt out of breath and almost wanted to sit down for a little while. But she couldn't let herself fall yet! She needed to know and no matter what she did, she had to find out what was going on between Athrun, Deakka and Yzak! She would not give up this easily! Even if it forced her to not leave Athrun's side at any moment, she would stay strong! As she stood up again with all the things she had dropped now back in her hands, she felt confident, looking back at the clueless Athrun. She was going to find out everything about him... no matter what!

***

"Hey wait up! Deakka!" the white haired one shouted as they rushed through the corridor towards the exit of the hospital. Deakka Was walking quickly, not wanting to waste another second on just standing there since Yzak was now released from there. They had no time to lose.

"Can you at least tell me why we are going to the Archangel now all of a sudden?" his childhood friend called from behind him and he swallowed a knob in his throat... Please, it couldn't be. "Deakka!" The young man had cats out his hand and grabbed Deakka's arm, holding it tightly and made him stop, almost pushing the surprised blond up against the wall.

"Yzak..."

"Don't you "Yzak" me!" he spat, looking more confused than angry but still he kept his hand attached hard to Deakka's arm. "What is this about?! Was she so over horny you just have to go there and fuck her?! Are you so desperate that you..."

"Wait, Yzak" Deakka felt he had no time for this, still he could see the confusion in his friend's eyes and he just couldn't leave him hanging like that. "Who are you referring to...?"

"That woman of course! Miriallia or what ever the hell her name is!"

Deakka felt himself even smile at this, slightly shaking his head as he removed Yzak's hand from his own arm where there would definitely be a bruise later on. Yzak was not hard to figure out, yet he was so closed up sometimes, Deakka thought they would never be able to stay in touch. Sometimes he even thought Yzak got hurt on purpose, just so that Deakka would come to get him... Or, he had almost hoped so any way.

"No" he then said, sighing and let the other ones hand go."Me and Miriallia broke up almost a year ago, she dumped me, so that is not why we are going..." He turned and started walking again, waiting to hear Yzak following until he walked faster again, still no time to lose.

"Then why? What is it that is so damn important that it can't wait until tomorrow?!"

Deakka sighed but did not stop, trying to calm his nerves. "She called because Kira had an accident..."

"What..?" He could clearly hear the disbelief in his friend's voice and he certainly agreed with it. How could Kira have gotten hurt? There was no way... They had been fighting that kid, four Gundam's against one and he had still defeated them... or at least made them all look like fools. He had killed Miguel the second time even sitting in that thing, topped Athrun in many fights after that and even gotten Yzak hurt... Yzak now being a commanding squad leader and everything... There was no way Kira would go down, so what in the world...?

"I'm not lying" he continued while he walked through the lobby and out on the street, opening the door to a cab and let Yzak enter before he closed the door behind them both. "Miri called about it... Saying something about me needing to tell Athrun what had happened... she was so confused and crying so much I didn't know what to do..." He looked down at his hands, knowing that Yzak was so shocked at the moment, he wouldn't interrupt. "...she said she didn't know what had happened and then, as soon as she said "_Kira is..." _the line broke and well... when I tried to call her back, that robotic voice said her phone was out of service..."

"What? But..." Yzak was stiff in his seat, his blue eyes were burning with confusion and disbelief. "That's not possible! What happened?! We can't call Athrun unless we know!"

"That is why we are going to the Archangel..." Deakka sighed, thinking of those last words he had said to Athrun before he left Minerva. Would it really be to late for him... was those feelings he had going to be the last memories of Kira...? It couldn't be...

"Deakka, give me your phone." Deakka looked up at Yzak, now confused as well, but the young man seemed to have just as little time as Deakka because he sighed and let his eyes burn some more. "That is an order, soldier."

Deakka reached for it in his pocket, feeling the car starting to drive as the driver was given the directions from Yzak, who was using his "Commander-voice" on highest volume. As he had pulled the red plastic out, Yzak immediately grabbed it and diled a number while leaning back against the car chair. Deakka noticed how comfortable he looked like that, leaning his head against the palm of his hand, his blue eyes softly watching the road outside... He looked natural in the position, being in charge and in control, even though Deakka had seen every side of him... even the crying one, he knew and understood, this was were Yzak Jule wanted to be.

"Yes?" The silver haired man suddenly said as some one answered on the other side of the line. "yes, this is Yzak Jule, registration number 55678..." Deakka watched him silently and for a second Yzak met his eyes, sending shivers down his spine before the young man continued talking. "Yes, I need a small ship, with a crew, ready to take of within an hour... yes, I will be commanding it, yes, this is an order..."

As the phone call seemed to end, Yzak looked at the phone with irritated eyes and then looked back up at Deakka, who had not left him even once with his eyes. They were silent for some seconds before Yzak sighed and pressed some buttons again, pulling the phone back up to his ear with the words: "They never think I am being serious when I call to order something..."

"What are you doing Yzak?"

"I am making preparations so that you and me can go to the Archangel" he answered just as easily as if he was talking about the weather. "If we go within an hour we might be able to reach her before sunset which means we will know what has happened to Kira and then contact Athrun... that is what I am aiming at any way."

Deakka was struck silent. He knew Yzak cared deep down inside, both about Athrun and Kira, but there was no way he could ever have guessed that his childhood friend would have done anything as big as this. To order out a ship and tell every one to have it ready in an hour.. just an order like that was outrageous and still, Yazk went that far? Deakka was impressed by the emotion this one boy was able to express... he was even moved by it, now wanting to hug the other one hard, but he did not... This was still Yzak Jule he was thinking about.

Yzak once again lowered the phone and sighed, shaking his head slowly. "Her cell is still out of service..." he said and Deakka realized he must have tried to call Miriallia himself just to make sure. "They must be somewhere where there is no service or... something have happened to her phone, or to the Archangel..."

"Yzak! Don't say that!" Deakka burst out, realizing he too, was more emotional about this than he should probably show. But in stead of mocking him about it, Yzak slowly reached out and grabbed his shoulders firmly, looking straight into his eyes as he spoke.

"Deakka... I know you care a lot about what happens to the Archangel... so do I, but if something has happened..." he sighed and tightened his grip, making Deakka even more surprised about this sudden act. "...if something has happened, please remember that I am still here for you?"

To his even greater surprise, Deakka found himself blushing right at that moment. "Yzak..." was the only thing he could get out. The young man in front of him seemed to suddenly understand what he was doing as well and he immediately let go of Deakka's shoulders, looking back out through the window again as the silence fell. For the whole half hour ride, Deakka's heard refused to calm down and his cheeks burned... He had to express him self soon, otherwise he would burst from under the pressure of being desperately, secretly in love...

***

"And then what happened?"

Athrun sighed and smiled as he picked up a piece of potato from his plate and slowly chewed it while watching those happy, anticipating faces in front of him. They had all grown accustomed to hear him speak of his so called "adventures" at the dinner table, even Rey used to sit down with them at those times and now was no exception. This time he was talking about what happened in that last fight, the one where Athrun had seen his father died and then used his own Gundam, Justice, to blow the ZAFT weapon into million pieces... Not that he had gotten as far as that yet, he had just come to the part where Yzak had suddenly helped them in the battle, jumping in front of Cagalli to save her even though she was on the "wrong" side. Lunamaria seemed to be even more enthusiastic than usual too... which was a bit weird.

"What happened to Commander Yzak?" she asked with a wrinkle on her forehead. "He didn't get punished for fighting on the enemy side?"

"No he did not, he did it to protect PLANT after all, right?" Rey added as an answer and Athrun nodded, once again noticing how well informed the blond one was. Not many people cared about who got punished after that fight and who did, no one really understood what had happened either because the end of the war had been so confusing... But Rey always seemed to know every detail and at the few occasions when he did not, he always remained quietly listening, always on the alert... it was almost scary.

"Well he did not really... desert ZAFT like Deakka did..."

"And you" Shinn added, his eyes cold and even though Lunamaria shoved him hard in the side he just kept smirking when Athrun met his gaze. "Don't forget that you deserted us even earlier than Deakka-sempai did, with all due respect... Commander Zala..." The last he said with as much arrogance as he could master, and that was quite a lot. Athrun immediately thought of his father, those thoughts he cold never stop from entering his mind. Yes he had deserted ZAFT... but that was the only way to end the war, wasn't it?

"Don't say things like that Shinn" Luna sighed and gave him a harsh look before she looked back at Athrun with admiring eyes. "Athrun saved us with his life on the line... he did what he thought best and that brought us peace, right?"

"Yeah... until now" Yolant sighed dramatic as always and Athrun felt his stomach turn, even though he heard the others laugh at it. Yolant was right, the war had broken out again and he had to make a choice... the same choice as last time. But this time he feared... he would make the wrong one.

"Any way!" Luna almost had to shout out as she turned back to Athrun once again. "What happened next?"

Athrun kept telling the story, not mentioning so much about the Archangel and Kira, more about the choices he had had to make and why he had done what he thought right instead of what he had been ordered to do. The others listened, even Rey was silent, though Athrun could see that both him and Shinn wanted to curse him for going against orders.

"So Yazk and you talked more after that?" Lunamaria asked and Athrun smiled, feeling that she somehow had gotten more interested after finding out he liked a man. Apparently she wanted to find out who it was, though Athrun himself thought it obvious Kira was the only one for him.

"Yes... we met not to long ago as well" he sighed and the other ones listened, seeming interested in every word he said. "He and Deakka were going to escort me around on PLANT when I visited my parent's graves and such..."

"Yzak Jule was your body guard?" Shinn asked, sounding like he did not at all believe those words, which made Athrun almost feel like laughing. Shinn never liked being wrong, and he never liked when Athrun was being superior, like having a commanding officer as a body guard for instance. "And Deakka-sempai too?"

"Yes they both did, and we got some time to.... talk" he looked straight at Luna as he said the last, which for some reason made her blush, confirming his suspicion. She really though there was something between him and Deakka, or maybe... him and Yzak.

"So when Yzak-san fought beside the Archangel, it was to protect PLANT from the nukes?" Vino asked, leaning his head in the palm of his hand as he always did in the middle of a story, his light orange bang in his eyes and his eyes almost closed so that he could imagen everything he heard.

"Yes, and because of that, and many sacrifices and losses, we managed to create peace from a world mankind had almost destroyed..."_ "And we will create that peace again" _Kira's voice rang in his head, making him feel his heart sink again. He wanted peace, just like every one else. But he wanted it more than any thing for the sake of Kira... because he knew how hard Kira had fought to survive and protect his friends even though he was not made for fighting... Just because he had been born a Coordinator did not mean he could fight a war all by himself and still, that was what he had done. Athrun never wanted to see him so sad ever again. That was why he was fighting to end this...

"I wonder if we can ever find true peace" Shinn sighed, for the first time without that smirk on his lips. Lunamaria lowered her gaze and nodded slowly, as if she was wondering the same thing. Athrun looked up, sighing as well but more as if he was amused by their sudden lack of faith. Shinn seemed annoyed by this. "What? Do you find it funny that we don't want to fight any more in this stupid war?"

"Of course I don't find it funny" Athrun answered, meeting Shinn's hateful gaze calmly. "But, this war needs us, and I am not sure you have understood that.."

"Of course we have!" Shinn was quick to respond. "Don't you think we follow every order and fight because we kn..."

"Shinn" Athrun interrupted, still smiling softly, even sadly. "This war does not need more people that fight... this world does not need more young people to sacrifice their lives... what this country needs is hope..."

"Hope?" Rey asked, everyone so into what Athrun had said that some of them even twitched by this different voice. Athrun nodded and looked back straight into each and everyone's eyes.

"The hope that some day, people, young people like us, will turn this war around..." he said, with a low voice as if he was telling them all a secret. "Not by killing all Naturals... not by killing all Coordinators but by accepting each other for who we are..."

"There is no way the Naturals could ever accept us" Shinn said and his anger bubbled again, Athrun could see it in his red eyes but he did not buckle. In stead he shook his head and sighed.

"And do you think they will even try, as long as they know Coordinators will never accept them either?" he asked and Luna's chin fell, apparently she had never thought of it that way. Yolant and Vino also looked surprised at this, which made Athrun really wonder how they were all thinking? That the more they fought... the more they killed, they would get closer to an understanding and a true peace..?

"Well they were the once who started it..." Shinn tried but Athrun shook his head again, standing up, grabbing his dishes and moved to return it to the kitchen. As he reached the door he stopped, knowing that he had everyone's eyes on his back but he didn't turn.

"What the world needs is people like the crew on the Archangel..." he said in just as low voice as before, his head turned away from them all, he did not want to think any more about what would happen if they were killed... "people that are not blaming any one, but tries to stop all sides to fight... people that, no matter what, will help any one who needs them but will not kill..."

"People like the one piloting the Freedom?" came Ray's voice and Athrun felt his heart sink because he knew that the majority in the room, hated Freedom for what problems it had caused them. But still he did not deny it.

"Yes..." he answered instead, almost hearing Shinn clench his fists. "Because I know... that if it was up to the pilot of Freedom... he would blow that thing up, along with all nuclear weapons, if that meant the end of war between Naturals and Coordinators... because he has sacrificed everything for us... and for them..."

"He is a traitor..." Shinn's voice said, colder than ever, Athrun's heart breaking silently as he turned to look back at the dark haired one even though he knew his own eyes were filled with tears.

"He protected his friends and family just like we do..." he almost whispered, seeing their shocked faces as his tears fell, slowly, down his dry cheeks. "...he threw away everything he had, because he believed in a better world than this one. He was never trained, he didn't even enter the military willingly like we have done..."

The others listened, even Shinn was quiet as Athrun breathed in. He could not think of anything other than the broken heart of his childhood friend... the broken promise of peace he had so many times told his love... the broken bond they had once shared before and in between the wars... Kira was not supposed to be sad, not supposed to look so grown up. Kira had always been Kira Yamato, the shining boy he had played with in his childhood... the always brightly smiling boy he had loved so dearly... Athrun did not dare thinking about how yet another war would ruin his closest friend even more than the first one... and he was some how sure, that these young men and women on board the Minerva were the once who would destroy him... for good...

"And still he killed Coordinators like it was nothing..." Shinn added but Athrun was not finished, still with tears running down his cheeks.

"And every day you kill Naturals, Shinn Asuka...." he said, his voice stronger than before. "Every day you kill a brother, a father or even a sister... someone's child... someone's closest.... how can you say that is more righteous..?" The others remained quiet as Athrun spoke and he could almost feel his words reaching out to them. "Kira is fighting, because he has something he wants to protect... not because his friends are Naturals... I mean look at me, I am his childhood friend and I am a Coordinator... he is fighting with his life on the line just like we are, but instead of fighting for the will of one race... he is fighting with his own will... his will to protect what we have almost forgotten..."

"And what is that...?" Lunamaria asked, and if Athrun had not been so upset inside, he might have seen the soft tears in her eyes.

"That even though we might be Coordinators and they might be Naturals... we are all human... we might be different and we might be scared of things and people that are not like us... but we are still all human..."

"Athrun..."

"So hate him if you must... but in reality, he is the righteous one.." he said as he once again turned away, feeling his hands tremble as he moved closer to the door, the way out. "...in truth... when you finally reach your goal, when you kill him... and shoot the Archangel down.... you'll have killed and destroyed our only, last and final hope..."

As Athrun stepped out of the room and the door closed behind him, the silence fell like a heavy fog over the dining area. Lunamaria slowly wiped her cheeks and eyes from tears, Vino bit his lip and choose to lean against Yolant in some way of comfort, Rey stood up but did not go any where...

Shinn just sat there, hearing Athrun's words ring in his head... _"he is the righteous one..." _He looked over at the closed door, felt Athrun's words still linger in the air all around them. If Athrun cared so much about that ship and this _Kira_ guy... Why wasn't he fighting along side them in this war too? If he had deserted ZAFT once, he could do it again? Why didn't he just stay at the Archangel the last time he was there...? If Kira meant so much to him... why didn't he just stay there with him..? _"When you kill him... you'll have killed our only, last and final hope..." _What was it Athrun wanted with them? Because if he was convinced they would kill his friend... why did he still fight along side them...?

"I'll go check on him..." Lunamaria suddenly said and stood up, making them all look up at her. Shinn felt his stomach turn as he remembered his sister's smiling face... his parents, then thought about Ray and every one one the ship. He could never defy his order like Athrun had done just because of something as small as a childhood friend... still... all friends he had were on board the Minerva. He knew himself that he could never know how it felt to be fighting someone that important... but Athrun knew. And Kira... he had been protecting his friends, wasn't it just that they happened to be Naturals..? Maybe Athrun was staying because...

"Athrun is staying because he wants us to know..." Luna suddenly said, at the same moment as they all had thought the same thing. "...we need to know how it feels to really... fight for the right of mankind, not for the right of some stupid system or for the right of Coordinators or Naturals..."

"You mean he is trying to get us to do a mutiny or something?" Vino asked, sounding more confused than he dared to admit.

"No..." Ray answered, not taking his eyes of Lunamaria as he spoke. "She means Athrun is willing to go this far to show us the true meaning of losing..."

"Losing what..?" Shinn asked, knowing that Rey had not thought the same as the rest of them, knowing that no matter what Rey said, it would make perfect seance.

"Losing everything that is dear to you..." Rey answered slowly. "...and still keep on fighting, no matter what it will cost you..."

"Rey..." Luna tried but the blond only broke eye contact and sighed.

"Athrun Zala is not weak... and he will do what ever it takes to get us to join him..." he said, now also turning away from them.

"Join him...?"

"Yes... and the Archangel, probably against ZAFT... like last time..." he said, almost smirking, Shinn was the only one who could see it though but he did not reflect on it. "Shinn, lets go.."

"Yeah..."

Even though he knew Rey was probably right, Shinn could not help thinking the words he thought Lunamaria would have said if she had not been interrupted so abruptly. He is staying beause he is showing how much he cares... and if he goes to their side in the end, he needs us to understand how it feels to fight someone you really care about... If Athrun was supposed to fight them, the Minerva, they would all understand, and they would all have to make the same choice as he had to do... Fight him, or fight beside him... fight with ZAFT, or fight for all mankind...

Why did Rey not see that? Why did Rey refuse to listen...? Or was this just some sort of trick that Athrun was playing them? Had he already convinced Lunamaria and now he was using her to get the others convinced..? Yes... it had to be like that... there was no way Rey was wrong about this, right?

***

"Hey, Deakka..." Yzak said silently as they walked through the corridor towards the ship, which had been docked close to the base. Deakka only nodded, his mind to worried and confused to let him speak. "...What happened when you were with Athrun the last time?"

Deakka looked back at him, surprised, actually so surprised he remembered how to speak again. "What happened? What do you mean "what happened"?"

Yzak walked faster and stepped into the small ship, greeting the captain and the crew that stood in lines. Deakka greeted them too, though only in a silent salute. As they reached the room where they were supposed to put their things, Yzak turned to him again.

"Athrun and Kira... they are...?" was the only thing he said, and even though Deakka should have guessed Yzak was smart enough to figure it out, he was shocked his friend even had the balls to ask him something like that, straight out.

"Yes... at least they should have been..." he answered, sighing as he grew cold and sank down on his bed. "...if Athrun hadn't been so stupid..."

"Hm..." Yzak sounded, but did not ask about it. Maybe he felt as if it had nothing to do with him, or maybe he understood that it was hard even for Deakka to talk about it. After all... Deakka was the one closest to Athrun now that Nicol was...

"If Kira dies..." Deakka whispered, clenching his fists hard as he felt his heart tremble, with fear or pain he did not know. "...Athrun won't make it this time, Yzak..."

"I know..." Yzak said softly, suddenly moving closer, his hands gently reaching for Deakka's trembling shoulders, hesitantly and slowly touching him as if he was scared he would break from under the pressure. Deakka could not help to look up, meeting those blue eyes, drowning... "But Kira won't give up that easily, and nether will we... so don't you let those tears fall just yet..."

By those words his tears fell, no matter how hard he tried to stop them but Yzak just smiled, softly, a smile which was not often spotted on those lips. Deakka watched him as he felt those soft fingertips wipe away his tears with a slow motion, then suddenly felt those warm arms embrace him fully, pulling their bodies closer together than they had been in years.

"Yzak..?!"

"Shut up..." The silver haired one whispered, softly stroking Deakka's back with his warm hand. "At least when you cry, let me be there and hold you... no matter how gay it makes you look... fag"

"Yzak..."

"And saying my name like that makes it even worse..." Yzak smiled and tightened his grip around Deakka's swatter, pulling him even closer. "If you need to cry just do it... and I will always be by your side when you do..." after a quick pause he added: "And don't you say my name again!"

"Yzak..."

"Oh you are so done for!"

Deakka smiled, realizing this must be how Athrun had felt back in their room on board Minerva. He was confused but still happy through all the pain. These arms were warm and comforting, his voice was warm as well, like the soft touch of a mother's embrace... no, there was nothing like this feeling actually. The warmth of it, the love in it... He got goosebumps by the affect of it, felt shivers of content run down his spine as he hugged Yzak back... at that very moment, every hurt and worry disappeared from his troubled mind... at that moment him and Yzak were the only ones left... not miles apart, but right there... just like it was supposed to be...

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**wasn't that sweet? Yzak might not really understand Deakka's feelings for him but he sure understands how to comfort... maybe he has a heart too :O I guess... otherwise Deakka wouldn't like him right? ****(says the writer who knows everything that's gonna happen ;) well well) **

**But seriously... What was it that Shinn thought about why Athrun is doing this? Is that true? Or is Ray right? And what will happen when Luna finds out about Athrun and Kira...? Not to mention when Athrun finds out his Kira is...  
**

**oh wait... there was nothing about what happened to Kira in this chapter either?! Was there...? oh man I am being mean again :O how could I not tell you?! Well ;) you'll just have to keep reading I guess ;) sorry**

**And thank you guys that have already reviewed :D and please keep up the good work! Good reviews and feedback produces good results in my writing you know ;) **

**see you soon!  
**


	6. broken friendship

**hey there follow Gundam lovers :D I've been working on the idea for the end of this story and even though it's sad I realized the end might come more quickly than I had thought from the beginning. However we'll see what happens. **

**Any way, here is chapter six at last :D hope you'll enjoy reading it :P Soon there will be a new character arriving ;) I've made some changes to the whole "course of the original story line" there but I hope that will be liked as well ;) **

**ahh... I'm not making any seance am I? well you'll have to read the rest I guess XD **

**oh and about the cliffhanger from two chapters away... I'm sorry ;) but I guess "the one who waits.." ;) **

**Warning: Yaoi ahead! even though it's mostly angst right now ._. sorry about that XD **

**Disclaimer: I don't own GSD... sadly enough ;__;**

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"_Ne, Athrun..." the young man whispered as he let his soft fingertips gently touch the skin of the pale chest in front of him, making goosebumps appear to his delight. With a soft smile on his face he followed the little shapes with his eyes and fingers while biting his lip softly. _

"_Yes..?" Athrun smiled as he looked down at the warm boy in his arms, even pulling him softly closer which earned him a soft whimper from the tanned one as their bodies collided smoothly, sending shivers with pleasure down both his and his lover spine. _

"_What you said earlier..." Kira whispered, looking straight into the green eyes he had always adored to the fullest, softly moving his fingertips over Athrun's strong torso. "You can't live without me..?" _

"_Yeah..?"_

"_You really meant it, didn't you, Athrun?" the smile on the tanned boy's curved lips was so priceless, if Athrun had seen himself, he would have realized his eyes were filling up with happy tears. Kira's smile widened and his fingers gently reached Athrun's cheek, stroking his cheekbone and biting his lip again. "Can you tell me again...?" _

_Athrun felt his insides warm and he could not help to close his eyes in happiness, feeling his lips tingle from where Kira had so very recently kissed them. He could have lied like that, so close to Kira, his arms around him until the end of the world and his feelings would never change. His voice, his breath, his warmth and his body... they were all so close..._

"_I can't live without you... Kira"_

"_Really...?" Kira smiled and pressed his soft body gently and carefully against Athrun's, maybe to tease him, or maybe he too, felt the bond between them and wanted to be even closer. Athrun looked back into his eyes again, slowly letting his hand travel over the tanned boy's slender waist, up, following the smooth skin over his back and his shoulders until he reached that gently curved neckline. _

"_Really" he whispered as he let his fingers curl themselves around Kira's neck, pulling him, as softly as he could, the last inches until their lips touched, so tenderly Athrun felt a warm feeling spread through out his entire torso, travelling further down. As soon as his body reacted, a small shiver went through Kira's body, as if he had felt the same warmth too, which only made the feeling even more intense below Athrun's abdomen._

_Kira's lips were the softest Athrun had ever felt, the smoothest, he adored them. There was no way he could ever have enough of him, no matter how long they kissed his lips and body always tingled for more every time they parted. And Athrun didn't want to stop, not this time. As soon as his body started aching with longing he slowly wrapped his strong arms around Kira's trembling body and with a strong but sweet motion he managed to get the surprised boy on his back, now standing on all four over him._

"_Athrun..?" Kira blushed questioningly, biting his lip hard as his blush increased from under the pressure of Athrun's body and those green eyes. Athrun felt like smirking, or smiling, he wasn't sure, but he must have done the first of them because Kira just couldn't stop his blushing cheeks from burning. Athrun slowly let his body rest against Kira's, feeling him tremble with excitement and maybe nervousness when their excited skin brushed against each other._

"_Yes...?" he answered slowly and Kira closed his eyes, taking a hold on Athrun's arms while biting his lip, trying not to let out any sound of pleasure as Athrun moved a little. To be honest, it took a grate deal of self-control even for Athrun to stay focused and quiet when the aching pleasure screamed through his body. He was torturing them both... but he didn't want to do something Kira did not feel like doing. Kira however, seemed so focused on keeping his mouth shut, he did not seem to want to answer. "Kira..." Athrun whispered while bending closer to his love, breathing warmly against his lips and cheek then slowly kissing down over his cheekbone, kissing ever so softly over his neck and to his delight a tender moan escaped Kira's now parted lips. _

"_Ah...nn..." he whined, closing his eyes even harder. He was always so innocent in his reactions and Athrun fellt his goosebumps return immediately as the boy under him grabbed his back hard at the same moment as Athrun nibbled slightly on the skin of his neck._

"_Kira..." he whispered once again, now right next to his ear, breathing with war air, making Kira's already tensed body shiver even more from unsatisfied pleasure. _

"_A-Athrun..." he stuttered, gripping around Athrun's back with his warm fingertips, which made Athrun hiss as he mover his hip against Kira's in response. "I... Nnah..." Kira tried but the soft moan escaping from his lips was unstoppable and now, even Athrun could not be quiet. He wanted so much more... Wanted this and everything else. But how do you ask something like that, when you can't even say those three words..?_

_Athrun did not know what to do and for a second he stopped his motions, making Kira open his eyes in fear almost. His cheeks were red with excitement and embarrassment, his hands and fingertips digging into Athrun's back and his hip pressed tightly against his. Still, the fear in his eyes was scaring Athrun... did he really not want to? or..? _

"_Wh-why did you stop..?" the boy suddenly asked, looking straight into Athrun's green eyes which so much force it even made Athrun blush. _

"_I... I just.." he tried but there was really no good explanation for the cause of it. And somehow, Kira too, knew that. _

"_Because I don't want you to ever stop, Athrun" he said as he shook his head slightly, jerking upward so that their lips, bodies and warmth locked together at once, making them both groan with longing and pleasure. Athrun's mind went blank at that moment, nothing but Kira was on his mind. No worries and no pain. Only the love he felt for the boy in his arms. _

_Even before Kira relaxed, Athrun moved forward, parting his lips with his tongue almost by force but Kira did not really fight it. The boy moaned with longing and closed his eyes while burying his fingers in Athrun's raven-blue locks, pulling it in a desperate attempt to show his feelings since he could neither speak nor moan very well when Athrun was kissing him so forcefully. Athrun was on the brink of break down as he suddenly felt Kira shift underneath him... felt Kira's legs softly wrap themselves around his waist..! _

"_K-Kira?" Athrun managed to get out before the by opened his eyes and met his gaze, still blushing but with that tender smile covering his face with happiness. _

"_No other way than this..." the boy smiled, stroking Athrun's cheek, touching his bottom lip with his thumb. And even though Athrun did not fully understand the meaning of his words, he felt the warmth spread through his body as Kira kissed him again, deeply, their bodies pressed to tightly together the slightest movement sent them both moaning with longing. _

"_Wh..." Athrun begun as they broke apart, in need of air, but he did not have time to finish his question before Kira moved his hip, biting his lip as Athrun moaned and tightened his legs around his waist, the blanket sliding of them. _

"_Because I love you, Athrun."_

_-Door opening- _

"_Hey Athrun, It's time to head back to PLANT, I came to pick you u...." _

_And there we go, the door had opened, the light was shining straight into the candle lit room, falling straight onto the two boys, exposing them to the two pare of eyes now staring at them in shock. Deakka was silenced immediately as he saw them, Murdoch was only staring with big eyes and nosebleed warning... busted._

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_

"We have to call the Minerva..." Deakka said as Yzak took his place in the commander seat, the captain giving orders to take off.

Yzak sighed and rubbed his temple in confusion. The preparations had taken more time than predicted and they were at least one hour behind schedule. Even though he did not really show it, Yzak wasn't just irritated and mad at the crew for being so slow, he was worried to bits as well... He had never really liked Kira, that was a fact, by now he respected him how ever, for what he had done and all... but if Kira died... Athrun would be...

"I know" he said, sounding quite a bit more angry than he had planned to, immediately regretting that he had used that tone towards Deakka, when he knew the guy well enough to realize he was even more worried. "But who will we tell? and what? We can't speak with Athrun you know we can't... and we can't tell them "something, unknown what, happened to the pilot of Freedom"... they would just not care and since we can't call Athrun about it, what good will it do?"

"We have to tell them something..!" Deakka said, standing up from the chair he had just seated himself in, almost making the crew jump in surprise, even Yzak looked up with big eyes. Deakka was always composed, and if not, he at least did not yell like this.

"Deakka..." he said, knowing his voice sounded low and intimidating to the crew, making them look away and stop listening, to afraid they would be punished if they kept staring. "I know you care about this, Christ, I do too. But there is nothing we can to about it at the moment, so I advice you to return to your room until we reach the Archangel, rest.."

"But Yzak..!"

"That's an order Elsman!" Yzak made a movement with his arm as end of discussion when he stood up, his eyes burning. He looked as when he had pointed that gun at Deakka's face, so many years ago. "Or do you oppose your commander?"

"Yzak..." Deakka almost whispered, shocked he was being treated like nothing, even though he knew what Yzak said was true. And he also knew that if it came out they carried more than appropriate about what happened on-board that ship, they both could be marked as deserters or traitors... they might get killed. Even though Deakka knew all this, even though he knew Yzak did this to protect them both, especially to protect Deakka, he could not believe this was happening...

"Major" Yzak said with his harsh voice, turning away from his vulnerable friend, closing his eyes. "Escort Elsman to his room, and make sure he stays there..."

"Yes sir!"

"Yzak! You know I wanna stay here!" Deakka tried but the dark haired man grabbed him by the arm and asked him to follow quietly or he would be dragged away by force. Deakka stared at Yzak's back but without struggling. "I don't get you any more..."

"Well... maybe you never did, Deakka..."

***

"Hey Athrun..." Lunamaria whispered as she entered the dimly lit room, looking around to see where her sempai was hiding in the dusk. His actions earlier had both moved and scared her, since she did know him quite well by now, this sudden behaviour shocked her. Athrun had always been modest, at least a little shy... He really needed someone to talk to, she was sure of it.

"What are you doing in here, Lunamaria..?" That low voice sounded from the bathroom and she felt herself blush as she stopped. She had not really been thinking of what to say... only that he might need her.

"I came to see how you were doing..." she said and started walking closer to the bathroom door, slowly, wanting to make sure he wasn't standing there in the nude or something!

"What I need is not a psychologist, Luna..." she heard him sigh and the door opened, almost blinding her with the light coming from inside the narrow bathroom. Athrun held high even though she could see he had been crying, his green eyes were so intense she got goosebumps and his hair wet from taking a shower, he was however wearing clothes, but his shirt was almost as wet as if he had taken the shower still wearing it. Lunamaria, who had not really realized herself how hot she thought this man was, was now standing there with her mouth wide open...

"I..." she tried to get out but his lonesome eyes quieted her instantly and he passed her without a word. She turned and looked at him as he sat down on his bunk bed, lowering his head, sighing deeply while the waited dripped down his bangs. "Athrun..."

"Yeah... that's my name..." he sighed but before he could make that pained face at her she threw a nearby towel at his head, looking away with blushing cheeks and her nose up in the air.

"Dry your hair, stupid" she snort, at least she cold act as if nothing had happened and he might get happier. "You'd be useless if you catch a cold you know."

"Useless?" he repeated, and to her delight she heard he was at least smiling a little as he started drying his hair. "Useless to whom, Luna? To you? Or to this ship?"

"Well to the ship of course! You'd never be useless in my eyes..." she blushed as soon as the words left her mouth but they were true so she did not even try to deny it. In stead she went for the bathroom door and shut the blinding light of.

"You should never say never..." Athrun said, sounding slightly depressed again but there was something in his voice that made her stop in her motions. Athrun was older than her, and completely out of her league... and on top of that, wasn't he in love with a man? Still... she could not help to feel herself drown as soon as she felt his arms around her shoulders...

"Athrun..?" she whispered, still blushing but now more than ever. What was this all of a sudden? Athrun Zala was hugging her? From behind?! And her swatter was getting wet, not that she cared at all about that small detail though. He really was... confusing, this one.

"Don't speak..." came his voice, so close to her ear she shivered all over. "Just... stand still for a little while... like this..."

His voice was so weak, so gentle she thought she could have fainted. His arms were warm even though his body was wet. She really didn't mind, even though she actually understood she was just a substitute for someone else... Hearing him ask this of her was heartbreaking, so she didn't mind, as long as he could smile at her again, when all this was over.

"Yes..." she answered, closing her eyes and hugged his arms softly back, not moving in any other way. "As long as you want... Athrun..."

They stood there, Athrun with quiet tears dripping down his cheeks, mixing with those cold drops of water still lingering in his bangs, Lunamaria, her hands gripping Athrun's, her eyes watching the sealing in silence, feeling those tears on the back of her neck. Athrun wasn't the kind of person to show his tears... and he did not this time either but she could feel them... his arms held her as if she was his most beloved, but in his mind he was not holding her and even though that hurt her somewhere deep inside, she knew right now, she was the only one who could help him... so this was what she needed to do, for his sake.

***

Yzak sighed as he walked through the narrow corridor, knowing this might be hard for him, visiting Deakka when he knew what he had done earlier was not really the nicest thing to do to your closest friend. Still, what he had done was necessary, and he wished Deakka had realized that by now... The crew had acted like idiots all the way, and when they had finally gotten to the right course, they had still held Yzak so busy he had not had time to even check on Deakka until now... damn. It had been really distracting, knowing that he might just have made Deakka feel even worse about this whole thing...

"you're free to go" he said in his harsh voice as the major saluted him when he approached the door.

"But he is under guard..." the man tried and earned a slap across the face from Yzak's hard fist.

"What is that nonsense?!" he spat and his cold, blue eyes almost burned marks in the younger man's terrified once. "I never said he was a prisoner?! Now leave before I make mush of you!"

"Y-yes sir!"

"Christ..." Yzak sighed and rubbed his temples as he opened the door to the room he and Deakka had shared while putting away their things. The light was turned of and even before Yzak reached for the button he saw Deakka lying on the bed as always, his hands under his head... as always.

"You really should learn how to control that temper of yours..." his low voice came and Yzak felt shivers run down his spine, no matter how hard he tried to stop the feeling, that always happened as he hared Deakka's voice. "...or you'll explode..."

"I haven't exploded yet, have I?"

"You really so stupid you have to ask me about that?" Deakka snort, but not with the same joking voice as he normally had when he was making fun of Yzak. Now, his voice was cold. "You can just put your hands on you stupid head and feel if it's still there..."

"Deakka..."

"Did you come here to apologise? cause somehow, I can't see you doing that... right Yzak? Or do I really not know you at all after all this time..."

Yzak did not know what to say... he always used to know, so being struck dumb was an unusual feeling to him. Still, he said nothing this time. Deakka sounded... hurt? Angry? Disappointed..? maybe even... sad? How should he react to that? Really.... Deakka was always so full of himself...and still at a time like this, all Yzak wanted to do was...was to... no, he couldn't do that. No way...

"Of course you know me Deakka... I just.." he eventually said, knowing that staying completely silent would not help more than to speak his mind, even though he had no idea what his mind wanted him to say. Deakka looked up at him immediately by hearing those words, his eyes glowing in the dark, like the eyes of a hungry tiger.

"Oh really? Cause it didn't sound like you thought that just some hours ago" he snort and Yzak felt his heart sink even further down in his stomach.

"Deakka, you know I just said that in the heat of the moment..." he sighed and sat down on the side of the bed. "And besides... the crew..."

"You tend to say a lot in the heat of the moment, don't you Yzak?" Deakka interrupted and immediately Yzak lost his temper. Who was Deakka to judge him like that? Even though he was true about it, weren't they in thsi together? Weren't they both just as worried about Athrun and Kira?! So why did Deakka bring up Yzak's temper in all this?! But Deakka wasn't finished; "Like that time, supposedly in the heat of the moment, when you said you..."

"Why do you keep bringing up how stupid and bad at everything I am?!" Yzak spat, now he, the one interrupting. "Am I really that useless in your eyes..? You know I only ordered you today because I had no other choice! Or do you really want everyone in ZAFT to know that the pilot of Freedom might be dead?! They would shoot the Archangel down immediately if the word came out! Even you know that don't you?"

"This is not about that!" Deakka said between his teeth, gritting them but still remained on his back on the bed. "I know that you are my commander, as well as theirs. I know you only did it for our best..."

Then why are you so pissed at me Deakka?!" Yzak tried to ask calmly but it sounded more like a scream to them both. He didn't even know why he got so emotional all of a sudden. It was true he had a quick temper but... He and Deakka fought quite often, so why did this time bother him so much? Why did it feel so different? Was it because Deakka was so much more emotional than usual..? Because that made Yzak so confused he did not even know what to do...

"It pisses me of that I don't seem to know you any more!" Deakka answered, now sitting up quickly, coming so close, Yzak even leaned back, almost as if to get away from him. "We haven't seen each other for ages and the first thing you do is give me that disgusted look as soon as I enter the room! Last time I saw you, you and I were something completely different from what we are today, weren't we?!"

Yzak stared, so confused and surprised he did not even know what to say this time either. The scariest thing actually was, that he knew Deakka was right... He had felt it too... The feeling of slowly loosing his grip on that firm hand which always had belonged Deakka... They couldn't be... gliding apart... right? There was no way...

"And just hours ago... when I needed you, you were there for me like you have never been... at least not since we joined the army!" Deakka continued, now his voice sounding... more sad than before. "So you must be right Yzak jule... I don't know you, and when I think about it, maybe I never did."

"Deakka..."

"So get out! Because you are not even the Yzak i once thought I knew!"

***

Athrun slowly puled his uniform on, attaching the FAITH pin on the front as he walked over to the mirror, looking at himself... silently. Why had it come to this? The Minerva was preparing to take of on her way back into space again, taking of only some days later, heading for PLANT... And by now... by now, he was even further from Kira. Once in space, even the sky would separate them, and as they say "the sky is the limit..."

"Athrun..?" Lunamaria's sleepy voice came from the bed he had just left and he turned his head slightly, smiling a little as he saw her rubbing her eyes sweetly.

"It's okay Luna.." he whispered and walked back to her, sitting down on the bedside, stroking softly with his hand over her hair. "Go back to sleep, it's only seven am."

"But why are you up..?" she asked in a desperate attempt to wake up but Athrun's soft hands against her temples made her too relaxed and she yawned against her will.

"I just got called to the captain" he smiled as her eyes closed again. "So don't you worry, I'll see you later, Lunamaria..."

"Mm.." she mumbled and he pulled the fabric up over her bare shoulders before leaving her in his room, in his bed...

How did it turn out like this? Why did everything happen at the same time..? And why did his head not stop aching? No matter what he did? Since a couple of days back his head had been out to kill him... And if Athrun had been more like Cagalli, he would have taking it as a bad omen...

His entire way to the captains office it felt as if his mind was a ticking time bomb, ready to explode at any moment and blow up the entire world. He couldn't even walk without every step hurting even more, still he knew he had to hide his pain, it was only just a headache after all.. he could go to the doctor later to ask for some aspirins.

"Athrun Zala, entering" he said and bowed politely as he had entered to room. Captain Gladys smiled and nodded back in greeting but remained in her chair.

"I'm sorry for calling for you this early, Athrun-san" she said and he straightened his neck as he looked at her. "But I was told to inform you that one of your old friends will join us soon.."

"Old friend?" Athrun asked, unable to hide his surprise. The first person popping into his mind was Kira, but of course it could not be him... then who? Not Deakka, he had already been on board the Minerva so it would not be a worthy news to tell him in this early hour. And because Yzak was together with Deakka at the moment, due to his injury, then the possibility of it being him was close to zero, so... who?

"Yes" she smiled and something in that smile told him, she would not tell him who, he would have to wait and see. "The chairman told me to make it a surprise however, so more than that I cannot say"

Athrun sighed and smiled a little. Everyone on this ship seemed to try to make him happier by joking and smiling at him. Everyone seemed to see he was not well... Even though it was almost working, Athrun could not help but feel a little embarrassed about the whole thing. He didn't deserve everyone doing all this for him...

"But, might I ask you why this friend of mine is boarding this ship?" he smiled and her smirk grew gently, as it always did at times like this.

"He said, that he felt that you needed him, the chairman told me"

Athrun was struck dumb by those words. Really? Then who was it?! This even started making him feel guilty now, for not even being able to guess who it was, since, apparently, it had to be someone really close to him... right?

"Well, he'll be arriving here about eight am, so I'd like you to go and greet him, Athrun-san.."

"So it's a man?" Athrun smirked and she blushed when she realized she had babbled out to much. But Athrun didn't really know her enough to tease her about it, and besides she was his captain, so instead he smiled and put his hand to his forehead in a slight salute. "I will, captain"

All the way towards the eating aria, he tried to think through his years at military school, even his childhood... but everyone he could think of was either dead, gone or just not close enough to him... his mind was so confused and focused at the same time, he didn't even notice Mayrin as she came into his path.

"Athrun-san!" She squealed as she almost tripped. He looked up and immediately realized he was the one almost knocking her down to the floor.

"I'm sorry" he hurried and caught her so that she could get her balance back, he even blushed a little... he really needed to pull himself together!

"No it's okay" she smiled and corrected her skirt, so innocent under his gaze, blushing as she smiled. "By the way Athrun-san..."

"Yeah..?" he smiled back, scratching his neck as the started walking side by side toward the kitchen.

"Have you seen Luna today? Or yesterday evening?"

He blushed immediately at the question, only a little, but not so that she could see it. Instead he tried to by time by correcting his bangs.

"Because she said she would go look for you yesterday end then she never came to bed..." Mayrin added and because she sounded so worried, Athrun could do nothing but tell her...

"She spent the night at my room..."

"Eh? with you..?" Meyrin blushed and blinked quickly.

"Yeah... with me, she is probably still sleeping... I guess..."

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**oh my :O Athrun what have you been doing with Lunamaria?! something you'll be regretting?! Oh no... don't tell me you... (end of sentence ;) hmm?) **

**And what about Deakka...? and Yzak? Will they ever get the time to talk about this? Will Deakka forgive Yzak... or have they really glided apart...? is there anything Yzak can do to get his childhood friend back by his side..? "you're not the Yzak I once thought I knew.." hmmm... poor boys! **

**And who is this friend by the way..? ;) the friend who claims he knows Athrun needs him? ;) feel free to guess ;) if you're right I'll give you an award ;D (this might be interesting!) **

**hope you enjoyed the chapter :D **

**and don't miss the extra, down there *pointing down***

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Lunamaria stretched her tired body like a kitten, and then yawned like one too, blinking slowly as she looked around the room. She immediately froze... This was Athrun's room, right? When had she fallen asleep? And this was his bed... right?! What was she doing in Athrun's bed, at eight am, with her hair all messed up and Athrun no where in sight?!

"Don't tell me..." she squealed and blushed all over the place, burrying her red face in the pillow, which immediately intoxicated her with the soft smell of Athrun, meking her light headed. "Did we really...? ahh!!"


	7. embrace

**Hey again! I am so sorry it has been so long! Really, I've beaten my self up over this and well, today I had enough! Cancelled all my things and just wrote ^^ So I really hope you'll enjoy this chapter! There will be some making up and some revealing ;) I also hope that some of you will feel a bit better after this chapter... because there are some question marks that I hope I cleared up for you all ;)**

**Warning!: this is a shonen ai! (and there will be yaoi -.- I promise you!) which means boyxboy. If you haven't realized this yet, I think that you are quite thick headed (sorry but you have to agree :O right? :O seven chapters with "Oh Kira! I love you!" XD any way) so if you don't like it, don't read it ^^ cause it is not my problem if we have different interests!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the show Gundam SEED and not Destiny either ^^ I'd like to though :( it is so damn wonderful! (I do own the words I have written however so please don't copy ^^' )  
**

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Deakka's voice had been trembling so bad, his eyes glossy in a way Yzak had never before seen them. Even though his childhood friend had told him to get out with a voice so furious Yzak had almost seen flames coming out from his mouth, Yzak still had not gotten further away from the room than the meeting room, down the hall. This was where he had stopped to lean against the cold wall in panic, his breath quick as if he had been running a mile.

What had they done wrong? What on earth was missing them? They had always fought, but never like this. The feeling of emptiness was so intense, Yzak was losing his breath only thinking about it, about Deakka's face... his trembling voice. Why had nothing helped...? Why did all his words seem so useless at a time like this when they were needed so badly...?

_'Deakka..'_ he thought as he closed his eyes, resting his forehead against the cold surface of the wall. _'You and me... why did we grow so far apart? Why did I not fight for my right to be closer to you...? why did you... think you stopped understanding me, when you were the only one that has ever gotten this close to me? The only one ever who really... got the real me...'_

"Commander Jule!" came a sudden harsh voice from the other side of the corridor as one of the workers came rushing towards him. "They need you back on the bridge, captains orders!"

Yzak sighed and opened his eyes slowly, feeling slightly sick from the rocking of the waves under the ship. His only wish was for him and Deakka to speak again, he could not leave it at this. He needed Deakka... really. Even though he had been denying it for years now, he needed his friend desperately. This was not allowed to happen, and still it had, so now, he needed to speak to him right away! Before it was to late!

"I'll be there in a while" he answered, turning away from the man calling out to him. "tell the captain I'm..."

"No! You needed to come right away they told me!" the man insisted, his voice still showing signs of breathlessness, he had been running all the way there. "We're approaching the Archangel!"

***

Athrun stood restlessly waiting at the door, knowing that in a few minutes it would open and this mysterious friend of his would enter. The friend that was coming to the Minerva because he said he knew Athrun needed him... the friend that obviously knew Athrun really well and yet, Athrun could not figure out who it was! It had been bugging him for more than an hour now, that no matter how many people he had thought of, he could not remember any one that would say something like that... His mind had been spinning and he had had no appetite earlier, which now meant his stomach was screaming like thunder and Meyrin had been worrying...

He had been kept company by her all this time, he mostly just standing there with nervousness written all over his body, she trying to get him first to eat, then to drink something and after failing with both of them she also failed in getting him to talk. Well, she didn't give up though. She had for the last fifteen minutes been trying to get him to talk to her about the reason to why her sister had been spending the night with him, in his bed... which had actually amused him enough to speak up.

"Athrun-san...." she pleaded and tried to use her puppy eyes on him again. "Please tell me? I swear I won't tell any one! And besides, She will tell me later any way so if you tell me now I can act surprised later!"

"If she will tell you later, why should I do it now?" he smiled and watched the time again. The docking ship should be there any moment. "Isn't it better if you don't know? Then you don't have to act surprised when she tells you?"

"But come on!!" she whined and pulled his uniform sleeve. "What if she tells someone else first?! I mean I'm here with you right now, what if she goes to..."

"To whom?" he laughed and put his warm hand on her head, as he imagined a big brother would have done. "You are the only girl here she feels comfortable around after all, Meyrin. And besides, I know you two sisters, and you don't keep quiet to any one if you get in on a secret..."

At this she wrinkled her nose and stuck her tongue out to him, blushing with embarrassment and irritation. He just smiled and ruffled her bang with soft fingers, pulling in a deep breath and sighing. This whole thing was getting on his nerves, everything with this friend and all complications with Kira... he just... needed to get some kind of therapy or at least some serious relaxation.

"Come on!" she said again, her bottom lip shaking a little. "I just wanna know... if you really are like... together now or something..."

Athrun even felt his eyes widen at this, seeing how the girl's expression changed from irritated to almost sad. He really did not need more girls to fall for him and this one especially, he had always treated her as his little sister more than any one... Poor girl. Did she really think he and Lunamaria would end up together? That she did not have a chance against her sister's looks and personality..? Yeah, he had seen how Meyrin watched her sister's every move, how she used to look at her self in mirrors, trying to correct her hair... trying to make her uniform fit her better... Meyrin had always been jealous of her older sister but being the sweet girl she was, she had never said it or even tried to make Luna's life a hell. She had just quietly suffered from it, every time Lunamaria was better... older... more beautiful... smarter...

"Meyrin..." he smiled and for a moment forgot about "the friend" and all other problems, placing his warm hands on her shoulders and meeting her deep gray-blue eyes. "...listen to me. I know that you think your sister is so much more than you... I've seen the way you look at her, but believe me, there is nothing between me and her... there never will be. And even though you would say she is still better than you, that will never be true..."

"Athrun-san..." she blushed. She was the only one really realizing how close he was to her. "...I... what are you talking about...?"

"Don't act as if you don't know it Meyrin" he smiled and pulled her into a warm hug, feeling her relax against his chest. "...You and Lunamaria are completely different, good in different way but to me, you are equally beautiful... so don't you worry any more, okay?"

"hai..." she sniffed, gripping his uniform and in that moment he suddenly realized, this was the only thing she needed. She might like him but... what she needed was someone who held her, telling her how beautiful she really was, warming her. He smiled, remembering this most be the same feeling he had had earlier when Lunamaria had come to his room...

"Nothing happened..." he whispered, smiling, still holding Meyrin close in his arms.

"Eh?" she said, shifting her body in his hold, looking up at him.

"Yeah..." he said as their eyes met again, his smile growing stronger. "She came to my room, I wasn't feeling will at all.. she did comfort me the best she could but she was tired and when she sat by my bedside she fell asleep..." He saw a little smile grow on the younger girl's cheeks and he sighed again, closing his eyes slightly. "I put her down in my bed, and yes, I slept beside her but more than that no, I wouldn't have done anything with her..."

"you sure?" she asked, now blushing again. "I mean... she is pretty and beautiful and smart and has the best body and all and she is gentle and kind and..."

"Meyrin" he interrupted with a smile, looking into her gaze again. "you have all that too you know, all you just said, that is you as well... don't forget that, ever."

"But... still.." she whispered while biting her lip. "she likes you, right?"

"Even though she might like me, my feelings towards her will always be the feelings of a friend..." he sighed and he could see the confusion growing in her gaze. "I am not in love with her, and I already have someone else waiting for me... so I would never..."

As his voice broke, all feelings and thoughts returned to him, almost as if they were sent from that look of worry Meyrin was giving him. _'Waiting for me...' _he though, feeling his eyes burn like they had not burned in ages._ 'Is he really...? Why would he be waiting for me... after what I've done to him.. I don't deserve it... and still... I wish... he was waiting for me still...' _Before he cold stop them, the tears fell... slowly making their way down over his pale skin, landing on her red locks...

"Athrun...san?" her eyes grew bigger, her cheeks flushed but there was nothing she could say or do to stop those tears. "W-what's wrong Athrun..?"

He closed his eyes, tired of it all. Why hold back the tears? So what if everyone knew just how sad he was? So what if Meyrin would spread the word all over the world..? If she did, maybe Kira would hear them? Maybe he would hear how sorry he was, how much he missed him... Why? The only thing he needed... the only one he wanted...

In the darkness, strong arms enveloped him onto a warm embrace, softly pressing him against a strong chest, holding him closer than imaginable. He knew he was crying more now, but quietly – still somehow trying to hide his sadness even though it didn't really matter any more. He didn't even question those strong arms for a second, didn't even think twice about where they came from, who they belonged to... Maybe they were just his fantasy, because who and why would any one do this..? Hugging him tightly like this..?

He gripped the fabric underneath his fingers hard, closing his eyes even harder, feeling the fabric dampen under his cheeks. The arms tightened around him once more, relaxing his body slowly... his tears cascading like a waterfall down his already wet cheekbone.

"Take me away from here..." he heard his own voice whisper, but he did not get a response._ 'oh... it was just my imagination then... after all... no one here would do this for me...' _Even though he should not have even thought twice about it, the fact that he was truly alone hurt more than it should... Really, this was a war... he shouldn't be emotional... right? "I don't want to be here any more... please..." so why did he keep trying to reach out for a hand that did not even exist?

"I know Athrun..." a warm voice suddenly answered, the voice of the one holding him... making Athrun's breathing stop and his heart skip a beat. He knew this voice... so well. "That's why I'm here after all... idiot..."

***

"I don't need you..."

Warm drops dripped over his cheeks, sending shivers down his spine. He was so cold, even though the water from the shower was so hot his skin was turning red. He couldn't hear anything else than the sound of the cascading water against the floor, and his fists were squeezed so tightly his nails were about to break his skin.

"I don't need you..." his shaking voice echoed again against the cold walls... but he knew those words were just a lie. It was all just a lie... The warmth from the cascading water was burning, his eyes were hurting... he was crying. The shower was hiding his tears. He didn't care if he got burnt by the water, he didn't even care if he drowned in it... He wasn't even supposed to cry, not alone... _'At least when you cry, let me be there and hold you...'_ that soft voice whispered in his mind... So why did he cry?

"Yzak.." he whispered as he gave in to his tired legs and sunk down on the white floor. "I'm so sorry..."

The pain caused by his nails slowly faded away as he closed his eyes tightly, quietly wishing for the door to open and seeing his friend rushing inside, but the room was now even more silent than before. Not even the sounds the ship was making could be hared... So he relaxed his eyes, feeling the slight rocking of the ship, feeling the burning water mix with his tears. How long had he been there on the floor..? The time felt like an eternity, still at the same time it felt like only seconds had passed since Yzak had walked out that door...

"I guess... I told you some really bad things... didn't I, Yzak..?" he whispered, his mind dizzy and his vision blurry as he tried to look through the steaming water. "I need to talk to you... Yzak..."

***

"Where is that bastard?!" Yzak cursed as he looked around furiously. He knew he had screwed it all up, he knew it was all his fault, that he had provoked all this... even though Deakka had been the one to tell him to leave.. really, it was all his own fault... And now, even though they had called out through the entire ship that the Archangel was closer than ever, that they would soon be able to make radio contact... where was Deakka? He, who had been so worried...

"Commander Jule!" a voice called but he ignored it, his irritation growing by the second. These stupid people! Couldn't they decide anything for themselves? They had already stopped him from apologizing to Deakka once, were they trying to fuck his entire life up?

"Commander!"

"What?!" He spat and turned, his blue eyes cold as ice and his breath quick. "What can you possibly say that can make me interested in a moment like this?! hugh?"

The man stopped and looked scared but there was something in him, maybe he had been given an absolute order, because even though Yzak looked ready to kill him, he did not back away, and he did not stop himself from telling his message.

"What if they attack?" he asked, his voice shaking a little but his brown eyes clear from fear. "What if the Freedom comes and attacks us? The captain wonders what to do... we have no weapons powerful enough to..."

"The Freedom will not come..." Yzak answered, banging his fist into the wall, feeling his hatred and sorrow mix to a dangerous mixture of emotions.

"But what if you are wrong about..." the man tried but Yzak had had ti with him and all other people who tried to get to him through all this emotional shit. With two quick steps he was so close to the young man they bodies collided.

"If you say another word about this matter..." he hissed through his teeth. "I will personally make sure you and your girlfriend will never be able to have children..." his hand groping the man's pants so hard he cried out in pain and fear. "Got me?"

"Y-yes sir..." the man whined but Yzak did not let go just yet.

"And make sure to tell the captain too..." he whispered. "That if he does not trust my judgment as a commander... he might come straight here and say it to my face, and I'll make sure not to treat him any different than I've been treating you!"

With those words he let go of the man's groin, feeling a little disgusted with himself for doing something like that but not regretting it. They deserved to be punished... sort of. With his head held high he then left the man in pain on the floor. He had more important things to attend to...

"Deakka!" he shouted outside their room, knocking hard on the door. "You in there? We're catching up to the Archangel... I want you to be there with me!"

There was no answer and immediately his anger bubbled up. At least he tried here, he was trying to make up for what he had said and done... why couldn't Deakka do the same? They had always been friends right? So... even though they might have glided apart... couldn't they both fight to get back to where they once were? Didn't that mean just as much to Deakka as it did to Yzak..?

"Deakka!" his fists hurt when he knocked harder but he did not care. "Please open up! I... I'm sorry okay? I don't want it to be like this... so please just open and we can talk about this!"

There was still no sound... Yzak's heart started to loose confidence now. Was it really gonna end like this...? Was this Deakka's answer..? Or was he somewhere else..? Maybe he had already gone to the bridge? And maybe they had both passed each other without knowing! But... then they wold have called him back there... right?

"Damn..." his sighed, his mind confused again._ 'Why do you always make me feel like this... stupid idiot...' _He opened the safety lock, quickly opening the door from the outside. He had not wanted to do it, he had wanted to give Deakka the choice, but now he felt like... if he did not see him soon... there would be no going back for them, and he was not ready to give him up... not now, not ever...

"Deakka I'm sorry I just opened the door but..." his voice died away. The room was empty, the bed left in chaos... He stood still for what seemed like and hour before he realized the shower was on... Slowly he walked over there, feeling the warmth from the steam reach his face as he opened the door. The room was so hoot he almost couldn't breath, the steam so thick he first couldn't see anything at all.

"Deakka..?" he asked as he went closer to the shower, trying to see anything through the fogged up glass. "...I... you know... I'm really sorry about what happened..." he continued, trying to wipe the glass from fog, not really thinking about the fact that Deakka was probably gonna be mad if he saw him naked. "...I just... we need to talk so if you can finish..."

In a second, the world turned black and all sounds seemed to go just as foggy as the bathroom had been. Deakka was lying on the white tile floor on his side, his head facing away from Yzak, his body soaked with the hot water. He was not moving...

"Deakka!"

Without even thinking twice he threw open the door separating him from his childhood friend, he didn't even turn of the water before falling to his knees, pulling his friend into his arms. He immediately felt the warm water burn his skin and pulled both himself and Deakka away from it, still holding him in his arms, tightly.

"Deakka, wake up.." he whispered desperately, reaching out to turn the water of, then reaching for a towel to at least try to get Deakka dried up. It was so warm in the room even Yzak started feeling dizzy, no wonder Deakka had fainted. At least there seemed to be no wounds on his head so he might not even have hit it, since he was lying with one arm under his head.

"Come on... please open your eyes..." he said again, his voice shaking so badly he cold hardly form the words. He was getting cold, his soaked clothes slithering close to his skin, but he didn't care... What was the point if caring if Deakka was not waking up? "Please Deakka..! I'm sorry for saying those things, for causing you that pain... I'll never do it again, I promise!" he whispered, pulling Deakka closer in his arms, the big towel wrapped around them both..._ 'I'll make it better... no matter what I'll have to do, I'll be with you...' _he thought as he buried his face in Deakka's chest, his eyes burning.

"I'll do anything for you..." he said into the soft skin, shivering at the feeling of the wet drops finding their way down his spine. "...I'll stop being so damn proud... stop being so stubborn... I'll do anything just, please, wake up... cause I can't stand another minute without hearing your voice... without you"

"...idiot..." a weak response came, whispered out from between those slightly smiling lips and Yzak looked up immediately, his eyes suddenly filling up with tears.

"Deakka... you..."

Deakka's soft hand gently entangled themselves in Yzak's silver colored locks, his eyes still closed but his lips still in a smile, his gentle touch so soft Yzak could hardly feel it at first.

"I said..." Deakka whispered, his grip tightening around his hair. "...I can't really see you doing something like this... Yzak... this really isn't.. like you... you know"

"Idiot!" Yzak shouted without any control over either his tears nor his feelings. "I was worried about you! And still you just make it look like a joke! Don't you even care?! That we had that fight..?! Didn't it even bother you that I was.."

"Yzak..." Deakka interrupted, finally opening his eyes, meeting Yzak's blue ones with the calmness only Deakka could master. "...thank you... for worrying about me."

***

Athrun did not dare opening his eyes, afraid that this would all turn out to be a dream... afraid that the strong arms holding him would disappear as soon as his eyes looked up. He knew that they were back in his room, he knew that the door was closed and that, if he opened his eyes and the person disappeared... he would be all alone again. Still, those arms kept holding him, closely, tightly, with a warmth Athrun had not felt since the last time Kira had held him... His tears had not stopped... no matter how he had tried, they just wouldn't stop exposing his feelings to these warm arms...

_'No matter what I do... no matter where I go... he is always on my mind... and still, right now, I don't want this person to let me go... cause even if he is not Kira, even if he can never be... I feel safe... in these arms...'_

"I don't care about the war any more..." he whispered, tightening his grip around the red fabric in his hands. Red? had he opened his eyes? he wasn't even sure himself... but even though he had opened them and even though he could clearly see the red fabric of the ZAFT elite uniform right in front of his eyes, the warmth of this embrace did not disappear at all.

"I know Athrun..." The warm voice said, closing their grip tighter around him, half lifting him from the floor with calmness. "...you don't have to care about it any more..." Athrun smiled, knowing that this person, his friend, could never understand how much he was helping right now... still, somehow this was exactly what he needed... so how... how come he came now? How come he knew..?

"You know..." Athrun finally said as he felt his head starting to pound from his returning headache, his tears running out of steam. "...I never thought it would be you... I mean, that you would come here..."

"Hm?" the voice smiled, still holding him close, still comforting him more than any one ever had done. "And why is that..? Isn't that a little unfair, considering that I've been like a brother to you..?"

"I don't know..." Athrun responded, smiling a little now, his stomach starting to feel warm again. _'Thank God it's him...' _"...and I'm sorry, but I never thought you would come down here just to hold me..."

"And that is why you don't look at me?" the man laughed and softly traced Athrun's cheekbone with his fingertip, softly making him lift his face their green eyes meeting for the first time in so long Athrun thought it would knock the breath out of him. "Because you can't believe I will still be here if you look at me?"

"Yes..." he almost whispered as those green eyes saw straight through him the moment they met his gaze. How long hadn't he been wanting to see him? how long hadn't he wished they could speak again? Like they had spoken when they were younger? About everything and nothing... about Kira.... After all... they could talk about everything without having to worry...

"But you see..." the older man smiled and shook his slightly orange bang out of his eyes. "I'm still here.... and I'm not going any where Athrun."

"Heine..."

***

"So you're sure you'll be okay..?" Yzak said, pulling on his spare uniform, looking down at Deakka who was half snuggling with his cover. The blond man half laughed and stretched himself out on the bed.

"Of course" he answered and gave Yzak a gaze filled with pleasure. "I get to sleep while you get to work your ass of on the bridge... I've never been better."

"Oh you little bastard..." Yzak sighed and dried his hair some more, still cold from the old uniform which he had been spending some time in earlier, all soaked and cold. "...I'll be back to check on you later then..."

"Yeah, I'll probably be sleeping though" Deakka teased, knowing how tired Yzak was, knowing everything about him since they were childhood friends after all. He had somehow realized just how well he understood that guy... He had just been so scared of loosing him that all thoughts in his mind had been messed up... really... why had they fought in the first place?

"Just so you know..." Yzak suddenly said, his back turned to Deakka, standing right by the door, so close to leaving the room Deakka shivered by the memory of last time he had left. "I... I never meant to treat you badly when I had you escorted of the bridge before... and... you really... are the only person who's ever known me... so..."

"Yzak..." he sighed as he sat up in the bed. "You don't need to say anything... I... was just scared and I know you didn't mean anything by it... I never meant for my words to go as far as you thinking I didn't want to be your friend ever again... God, I should have just... told you how I felt about it instead of saying all those harsh things to you..."

"I guess we are more alike than we'd care to admit..." Yzak smiled and sighed. "...but I'm still... sorry..."

In a flash Deakka had left the bed, stepped across the room with his arms stretched and wrapped them around Yzak's soft waist, earning himself a soft gasp from his friend's surprised body. He couldn't leave it at this. _'You're such an idiot Yzak.._' he thought, burying his face in the soft bend of the other one's neck._ 'Why can't you see what I'm trying to tell you..? Why do you have to be so damn stubborn when it comes to your feelings...' _

"D-Deakka?" Yzak gasped, gripping Deakka's embracing arms in his surprise. "You're still cold..? Should I stay..? The others can wait until I return don' worry... I'll..."

"Shut up for once..." Deakka answered, feeling his skin tingle with the touch of those soft fingertips.

"What are you...?" the silver haired one started but before he knew it Deakka had turned him around, looking straight into his eyes with his violet orbs, holding his wrists tightly against the surface of the door. Yzak was so shocked he couldn't even protest, his mind so shaken his knees almost buckled under his weight, but Deakka held him up.

"I'll never part from your side..." Deakka whispered, his eyes both desperate and strong, his breath uneven, because of his fever or his feelings he did not care... nothing but this mattered. "..._"cause I can't stand another minute without you..." _so don't walk away from me again, cause right now, I need you more than ever..."

As Deakka came closer the world stopped turning, the ship stopped rocking... even Yzak's heart seemed to stop beating. He could hear nothing but Deakka's breath, see nothing but him, feel nothing but those lips... gently pressed against his own. Finally...

***

"Cagalli... how are you..?" Miriellia whispered, softly wrapping a blanket around her blond friend's cold shoulders then handing her a cup of tea. The older girl sighed, lowering her gaze and shaking her head. Miriellia sighed as well, softly closing her arms around her friend's back, hugging her tightly, forcing her tears back, knowing that she had to be strong... knowing that no matter how much this hurt her, it was thousand times worse for Cagalli...

"It hurts... more than ever..." Cagalli whispered, pressing the cold fingers she was holding between both her tanned hands, her tears falling slowly down her damp cheeks, landing with a soft sound on the soft skin of her little brother. "He is so cold..."

"Cagalli..." Miriellia said softly, hiding her sadness the best she could, trying not to look down at his face because she knew.. if she did, she would never be able to stop crying... "...come with me, please... you need to eat something..."

"I don't want to leave him alone..." Cagalli protested quietly, gripping her brother's hand harder, her tears unstoppable. "...look at him... what if he wakes up when I'm gone..!"

"Cagalli...!" her eyes over flooded by her friends naive wishes, her tears hitting the back of Cagalli's neck. "Please stop this..."

"But... Miri he might..."

"No, Cagalli..." she said, lowering her eyes slowly, seeing his face... like a sleeping angel, so peaceful, all relaxed, yet so cold. "He won't wake up again... Cagalli... no matter how long you sit here... no matter how long you try to warm his hands... they won't be warm again..."

The cry of her friend filled the air, spreading through the ship like the cry of thousand losses. Everyone hared it, everyone felt it... the loss... the sadness.. the pain.

_'Kira... ' _Miriellia thought, grasping for the wall not to fall. _'...I wish... you were still here...'_

_

* * *

_

**Oh... well? **

**A lot happened during this chapter, and still, hardly any time passed it seems. It was a good thing Heine Westenfluss arrived at least Athrun got someone to hold on to!! The stroy of them might be included in chapter eight! but only of you say you want it! :O so please review and tell me if you wanna hear what their story is! **

**And Deakka and Yzak... "Finally" wouldn't you agree? :D We'll see what Yzak's reaction is to this sudden sexual harassment XD And what will happen when they finally reach the Archangel..? how about Athrun...  
**

**and... Kira...? hmm... *ashamed* **

**Things will start to unfold from now on, and soon this story will be at its end. I hope you all will enjoy the last couple of chapters! And I'll try to upload them soon! Though school starts soon for me so we'll see how much time I get to write. (God I feel awful about this chapter by the way ^^' The last part was not really... easy to write... )**

**see you asap! and you guys, please review :D I get so hyped from reading your thoughts and ideas that I just can't wait to write another chapter! So please do :D:D And thanks to all of you who have already helped me so much :D love to you guys!  
**


	8. mad sensations

**Hey you guys! it's been such a long time, I'm sorry! Really these weeks have been hectic... got a little sister about two weeks ago and we had this major film project at school *shiver* But now I am here and I am posting chapter eight! OMG! **

**I hope you will enjoy this one! Things are starting to reach their peaks and soon the world will either come crashing down or maybe the opposite? What do you think? ;) **

**Warning: This is a BL novel, boyxboy love (L) if you don't like it, you suck :D so don't read! Because this is getting serious! **

**Disclaimer: I hate this part but... I have to admit something to you guys... the truth is.... I DON'T OWN GS or GS Destiny!! I know T____T It's the worst!! But any way ;___; **

**enjoy :D  
**

* * *

"So what kind of strings did you have to pull to be able to get here so fast?" Athrun asked as he sank down on his bed, tired in his mind from all the crying but still happy he had someone there who he could really talk to right now. Heine smiled and shrugged his shoulders, taking a seat on the opposite bed, watching Athrun with curious eyes.

"Well you know how FAITH works" he then laughed and smiled wider, making Athrun feel even more relaxed in his company. Really, why hadn't he been able to figure out it was Heine that was going to come? Was he really so stupid these days? Sure, he had a lot on his mind bur still... Heine was like a brother to him and now he felt guilty for not even thinking about him.

Heine still looked over at him, watching his every move with still curious but also worried eyes. Athrun was not the type of person who easily cried in front of anyone. Seeing him lose himself so completely in front of that girl earlier had made Heine realize just how bad his "little brother" was feeling about this whole thing... Athrun had always been able to talk about everything with him, and this was why Heine was with him now after all, because the poor boy on the other bed was so emotionally upset right now he could hardly tell what was right and what was wrong...

"Athrun..." he said after a while of silence, making the other one look up from his obvious thoughts. "Something happened with Kira..?"

It was obvious that Athrun was not used to the question, because he had not really told anyone more than Heine what was really going on in his life. Athrun was left dumbstruck, not knowing how to answer with words so instead he just nodded, biting his lip. Heine sighed at this, knowing that now had come the time for him to let his worries go, and just be the brother Athrun wanted him to be.

"I know you are hurting because of it..." he said, standing up again, making his way over to sit by Athrun's side on the bed. Those green eyes belonging to his friend were filled with desperate longing for something Heine knew only one person in the world could bring him, desperate for love. "and I know that no matter what any one says, it wont ease your pain, Athrun... but neither will painkillers" he continued, smiling even though Athrun understood how serious he was. "Even though you want comfort... please don't seek it from others, I know it must feel as if it would be better to just be with someone, but believe me, if someone finds out there will only be more trouble..."

Athrun was not in a real good mood, but when he heart those words he interrupted his sempai with a soft chuckle, leaning his head against Heine's shoulder, a soft smile spreading over his lips.

"So you came all the way down here..." he said, poking Heine's hand a little. "...to tell me not to have sex with any one for comfort? And really, can I believe that?"

Heine felt himself blush at this, surely, that was not the only reason he had gone through all that trouble but, now when Athrun put it that way he felt quite stupid. It was not as if he had wanted to scold this young man or anything, really, now he felt bad... but Athrun wasn't finished.

"No I can't really believed that..." he continued and looked up at Heine, a flicker of a smirk in his green, usually shy eyes, not shy at all now. "...because of all people, sempai, you are the one who's got the most hots for me, right?" The chuckle filling the room gave Heine visible goosebumps, even making a slight redness appear underneath his eyes. "You can't hide it, Heine, I know you want me!"

"Athrun...!" Heine complained, and the younger one laughed, obviously feeling better now. _'Thank God he is okay... I was scared he would never smile like this at me again...' _he thought while letting himself smile softly.

"What are you thinking about, sempai?" Athrun laughed, buffing his side. "Something perverted?"

"Haha, you don't wanna know, believe me" Heine answered but his mind was calmer than it had been in years._ 'Athrun... you don't know how you affect people around you, do you? And still, seeing you smile like this would make anyone happy, even without you knowing it... stupid'_

***

With one hard shove, Yzak parted himself from Deakka, pushing him away at least the length of an arm to stare at him in shock and confusion. What just happened? Deakka had… kissed..? And he himself had done nothing at all to resist him for several moments! And the worst of all was… that now when he had finally pushed the other one away, the only thing he wanted was for them to be close again… how weird was that?! There was no possible way in hell that he, Yzak Jule would even think of doing something like that! Or well, he had… but that was long ago! That didn't count! But… no matter how much he tried to deny it now, Deakka's lips had been too war, his taste so sweet, his touch so roughly gentle that the feel still lingered even though they were parted…

"Why do you do this to me..?" Yzak could suddenly hear his voice say before he could even stop himself to think. Deakka's violet orbs were more intense than usual, making it hard even for Yzak to meet them but he did not turn his own away, too afraid Deakka would be gone by the time he could face him again. His friend said nothing as an answer, making Yzak even more confused. Here Deakka went and kissed him..! Right? And still he has no explanation…? Nothing at all? "Why… Deakka?"

"Do what..?" his low voice sounded and Yzak felt the shivers run down his spine immediately. Didn't Deakka realize?! Was he really that thick headed..? Or was it that he himself had never really… showed him? The realization that Deakka had really, truthfully, kissed him just a moment ago hit him like a ton of bricks… Did this mean… Deakka, really felt like that… too?

"Do this!" He spat and felt his cheeks burn feverishly, to his malcontent. "You always do this! Making me so confused with your fucking behavior! One moment treating me like your best friend then the next like I'm nothing more than a jerk you would do so much better without..! Don't you get that you confuse me so much it hurts?!" He didn't even know he had been thinking that himself, but as the words leaved his mouth, Yzak realized slowly, how much agony all this time without Deakka had caused him, how much he truly just wanted to be with him again, like back when they were kids…

"Yzak…" Deakka started but Yzak was not done, far from it. He would not keep this inside any more. Why would he? He had been forced to keep quiet all this time; he needed to get it out, now, before he exploded when he was alone!

"No! Just for once in your damn life listen to what I have to say you freaking idiot!" he said, his voice shaking with adrenaline, his hand going up between them to shut Deakka up before continuing. "I don't even know what to do with myself any more when you do this! Now, I'm suddenly not your friend or your enemy?! Cause from what I know you don't go around kissing your friends on random, do you?!"

"Look, I'm sorry okay" Deakka tried, even though used to these kinds of outbursts of emotions from Yzak, this knocking him of guard. "I won't do it again I just…"

"You are not listening!" Yzak interrupted, smashing his fist into the door behind him, knowing that he was the one pushed up against it, but still wanting to do something about his situation. "I seriously don't understand any of this Deakka! Why would you kiss me like that?! Why?! Do you find it amusing to make my head spin?! To make me worry so damn much about you that I go crazy if I don't see you or know where you are?! "He took a pause to breath but as soon as Deakka looked like he was about to speak he spoke up again, not giving the blond one time to choose his words. "If it is like that… I want you out of here… "

Deakka's eyes widened at this, but Yzak did not take his words back, and he did not turn his burning blue orbs away from Deakka, he was as serious as he'd ever be.

"It's not like that…" Deakka answered, feeling like turning away right at that moment. Somehow, maybe, he had thought Yzak would react totally different and this… was worse than even getting kicked at. How could he speak and explain himself when his childhood friend reacted like this? Looking at him with those eyes…

"Then what… Deakka..?" Yzak asked while clenching his fists with nail breaking force. "Why do you do this? And if it's just out of the blue… Why do _I_ want it so badly…?"

Deakka's eyes widened again and his eyes, that had been trying to get away from that cold blue gaze, now snapped back up to see Yzak, his dear childhood friend, standing there in front of him with the slightest red marks on his cheeks and an expression of total confusion on his sweet face. As Deakka met those blue oceans, Yzak finally turned his head away, quite shocked over his own behavior; this was not really the way he had meant for it to come out… Had he really… confessed? That his feelings were not really… the same as they had been back when they were small…

"Yzak…" Deakka started, taking a slight step closer again, causing Yzak to back up against the door again, his head still turned away stubbornly. "What… is it that you want?"

Yzak could feel how his cheeks turned the color of bright red, and under normal circumstances he would have tried to hide it but now he only got pissed about it. Why did Deakka have to make him spell it out to him?! Deakka must know perfectly well by now! How in hell could Yzak ever say something like that straight out..? It was like making Kira join ZAFT… impossible! So embarrassing…

"You have such a thick brain Deakka!" he tried to yell but it came out more like a weak complain. Damn… why did he become like such a sissy in front of this guy..? "I just..! You know what I meant! I…" As he had thought, there was defiantly no way of saying it like that, no matter how hard he tried, there were no words describing the feelings he felt right now… _'Damn, damn, damn… '_

"Then show me…"

Yzak felt his eyes grow to twice their size in a flash, his cheeks not even having time to change from red to deep purple before Deakka moved closer again, looking straight into his eyes. Too close, so close Yzak could feel his breath against his skin again, so close he was sure Deakka must hear his pounding heart. The cold ice in his blue orbs melting quickly against his will.

'_Too close…'_ he thought, desperately trying to collect his thoughts as the seconds passed, leaving him breathless or intoxicated, he didn't know… _'Please… not closer than this… I'll break…' _Deakka softly lifted his hand, as if to touch Yzak's cheek but he never did, only waited for Yzak to move. _'Why do you put this weight on me..? I can't do this on my own… no matter how girlish that makes me sound...' _"Why can't you just… understand what I want without me telling you…" his voice suddenly spoke up without his own permission as well, damn his body did not listen to him at all, for once he did not regret speaking through.

"Because I want to be sure… that I'm not hurting you anymore"

"You're hurting me…" Yzak said even though he was already out of breath somehow, unable to breath when standing so close, or maybe he just forgot to breath when standing like that, just wishing for those fingertips to reach out to him again. "…when you don't understand a word of what I'm saying to you De-…"

Before Yzak could finish his sentence, Deakka's fingers had curled themselves around his neck, pulled him back close with one movement and their lips burned together once again, earning a surprised, or maybe relived sound from the silver haired one, his body relaxing completely, no more stamina to fight inside his body.

'_Finally.'_

Deakka had thought long and hard about what to say, what to do to get Yzak to understand this was what he wanted. All the plans he had in his mind were swept away with that soft sound leaving Yzak's slightly parted lips, filling him with warmth he thought he would never again be able to feel. He had tried so many times to figure out what to say and still, this way, he did not even have to say one word…. Slowly, right in that moment, he started to understand really what was happening to them. So, forgetting about everything, Kira, the Archangel, Athrun, Miriellia… everyone disappearing, he let his thoughts rest on the only person left… Yzak. There was no need for others, no need to regret this moment.

***

"Marrue-san, what's going on?" Lacus asked confused as she followed her friend and Captain through the corridor towards the bridge. Marrue had been acting weird from the moment they had found Kira in the docking aria but, today her mood had been even more of, and Lacus, who tried to care for her friends instead of crying in her room, was no worried something really bad was going on.

"I told you I'll tell you when we reach the bridge" the older woman sighed and kept walking quickly through the corridor, closely followed by the pretty girl. "It is something the others should not have to worry about, yet…"

"Is it… something about Kira?" Lacus managed to ask, even though her voice was shaking a little now that she thought about the sweet, cold boy lying down in the infirmary.

"Not really, no" Marrue answered, still walking just as quickly as before and before Lacus had time to catch up to her, the captain reached the bridge and held the door opened to her. "Lacus-san" she then said, her voice filled with worry and seriousness. "Since about half an hour ago we have been picking up a signal…"

"I signal..?" Lacus asked softly like always. "From another ship?"

"Yes, most likely" The woman sighed again, her lines of sorrow and confusion making her seem older, but not less beautiful. "We cannot trace it, however, and I fear it is a battle ship, Nazca class…"

"Eh? That can't be…" Lacus breathed out since her need for air became too much for het to handle. A Battle ship? Here? And why now of all times..? There was no way they could defend themselves in a time like this. They had no pilots ready to pilot neither the Gundams nor their other weapons. Most of the crew were still mentally unstable from all that had happened these past few days, not to mention the people they had lost… at this rate, if they were discovered by a Nazca class battle ship, they would be sunk to the bottom of the pacific ocean.

"Maybe it is just my own fright" Marrue continued but Lacus could see there was more to it than that. "It is just… I know that Miriellia-san called her ex boyfriend, do you remember, Deakka Elsman? She called him about Kira but the line was cut before she could tell him any details… however, that boy is still a part of the ZAFT military forces, isn't he? There is quite a large risk that he informed someone of this… the fact that the pilot of Freedom is…"

"Now come on, Marrue-san" Lacus smiled, not wanting to hear her say those words again, even though she knew just how true they were. "I remember Deakka-san, he was so sweet back when Miri-san was together with him… he would never do such a thing as betraying their trust. And besides, he knows both Kira and Athrun-san right? He wouldn't…"

"How do you know?" Marrue sighed and sank down in her chair, watching the empty seats where the crew was usually seated. "I know he helped us all, and I know that he is a good young man but… we don't know anything about who his superior is? What if it is someone like Raw La Cruse? We don't know what they have made him tell…"

"Marrue-san, listen to me…" Lacus's calm voice rang as she took her friend's hand. "No matter what he has told them or what he has done, I am sure that boy did what he knew was right... after all, that was what Kira taught him back then. Please have faith in him, in all of us. If there really is a Nazca class ship out there, then we will deal with them when the time comes, we have all our comrades here that will help out…"

"But…"

"No "But" Marrue-san. You are this ship's captain, and even though this is hard on you, you can't hang your head facing the ground... because if you do, all other will follow you" The pink haired woman smiled and gently pressed her hand in her own. "Keep your head up, I'll be right beside you, so don't you worry… we will make it, for everyone's sake"

As the rest of the working crew came to take their positions on the bridge, Marrue asked Lacus to stay for a while, in need of her comforting words, also knowing that if she asked her younger friend to leave, the girl would only have to go back to her room, crying herself to sleep… They did not mention their earlier conversation to the others, but most of them must have figured because even though they were all scared and upset, they kept on joking and talking as if to keep the mood up. Both Marrue and Lacus were so thankful for that…

"Captain, the unidentified ship is approaching above us"

"It is okay, as long as we stay on the bottom of the ocean they cannot reach us" Marue responded, sitting straight in her chair, letting the rest of the bridge know to be on the alert even without words. "They shouldn't know our position so don't do anything rash…"

The door behind them slid open and Miriellia walked in with soft steps, filling one of the empty seats where she used to sit. Lacus saw clearly the girl had not been sleeping well and her eyes were red from crying, but she did not complain. She was strong, stronger than many women in that age that Lacus knew. She would get far, as long as she did not give up.

"Captain" the girl said while putting her headset on. "What have I missed?"

"Miriellia-san…" Marrue begun as If to argue but Miriellia just met her eyes with a soft smile.

"Captain, please, we need to focus on this, for everyone's sake, right?" she smiled and then returned her gaze to the screen. "Besides… I can't focus when I walk around the corridors; at least here I have something I can concentrate on doing."

Some of the other crewmembers agreed, making both Marrue and Lacus moved. They were all so sad and upset; still they would give it all until the very end. Not because they were fighting for their own country or the "human race"… but because they were fighting with all they had, to protect all they had left… and because staying together like this made them feel safe.

"Captain! There is a radio signal; they are trying to contact us!"

"What?" Marrue spat, almost standing up in her chair. "They are not supposed to know we are here! How..?"

"It's Deakka…" Miriellia suddenly said in a half whisper, staring at her screen which showed nothing more than a blur of colors. "Remember, he knew about this hideout three years ago, when I called him he must have come to the conclusion that we were here, he must have been so desperate…"

"Marrue-san" Lacus voice came from one of the seats and they all looked at her. "Please talk to them…"

"But Lacus-san, what if it's not…"

"If it is not Deakka-san, we will deal with it" she continued, now standing up, meeting first Marrue's eyes, then Miriellia's. "But since they know we are here, and since Miriellia-san has faith in Deakka-san, I will have faith in him too"

"But…" the man from earlier tried once more but this time it was Marrue who spoke up.

"Do as she says, open communication!"

Even though the crew had total trust in their captain, there were some of them who really did not seem to think this was such a good idea, still, as soon as Marrue said the words, the button was pushed down and a raspy voice was heard.

"Archangel? This is the captain of Orion, a ZAFT military battle ship. Please respond and we will do you no harm. Archangel? This is the capt-…"

"Orion…" Marrue said, her voice shaking even though her words were calm. Maybe this was it, they might die from doing this, but she could not believe that, she would not. She had to believe it would all be okay, that they would all pull through, and she needed to show them her courage. "This is the captain of the Archangel, Marrue Ramias, please state your purpose in coming here!"

Everyone held their breaths; it was so obvious you could have heard someone drop a needle on the floor. Even Lacus felt a tug at her stomach when she realized what a tight spot they were in. She even wanted to pray, pray that she was right, pray that Miriellia was right and that Deakka was truly on this ship Orion. Still, she was unable to move, too caught up in the moment to even try to.

"My name is Ryuichi Muramase" the low voice said after what seemed like hours, though only seconds passed. "I am here at the command of the Jule squad, Commander Jule ordered out our directions, apparently we are here to see someone…" the voice broke off and Marrue sighed, even more worried now than before.

"And commander Jule is not there?" she asked, her voice a bit more ironic than she had imagined it, but she did not back down. They had not come this far just to be shot down by some lame ass ZAFT ship, just because of a moment of weakness.

"No" the man named Ryuichi answered, sounding somewhat displeased. "He has been absent for about half an hour now… I do apologize for this"

"Right… Ryuichi-san, tell your commander that, unless he tries to contact me on his own, we will not surface, nor will we give up out exact coordinates. Until then, please take into count that we have injured people on board…"

"Yes, most certainly, Captain!"

As the line was cut, they all turned to Miriellia, all with the same questioning eyes and the girl sighed. She was the only one feeling relived at the moment.

"Commander Jule..?" she said as to confirm their asking faces. "Yzak Jule, do you remember him? The pilot of X102 Duel , three years ago… He and Deakka are childhood friends; if he is here it means Deakka is on that ship too…"

***

Deakka's lips were burning hot against his own, his fingertips leaving trails of goosebumps as they traveled down his torso, unbuttoning his uniform button after button. Yzak did not fight it, not even his urge to be even closer to his childhood friend could make this moment even more embarrassing but he really couldn't care less. This was just what he wanted; he had never been so sure in his entire life! Deakka's softly moving fingers, his intoxicating smell… his feverishly warm kisses, who ever knew kisses could taste so sweet? Even kissing a guy… didn't matter…

With a sense of disappointment Yzak suddenly felt Deakka's lips pull away from his own but before even being able to complain about it, not that he even know what to say in the first place, he felt Deakka's hot breath against the left side of his neck, so close to his ear the shivers immediately ran down his spine, his body jerking towards the blond man in ecstasy.

"Nh… ah…" Yzak suddenly let out, his eyes widening with surprise over his own sensitive body and his innocent reactions. But there was no time for him to either regret it, nor try to play cool about it. Deakka's breath was so hot against his skin, his fingers so gentle as they made their way down Yzak's slender waist, tracing his spine gently with the tips of his fingertips underneath his swatter that Yzak couldn't resist it. His face only turning even redder as he bit his lip not to let his pleasure filled whimpers out into the air. This feeling, the feeling of being wanted, was the most intense feeling Yzak had ever felt in his entire life. The feeling of total longing surged through his body as Deakka showered kisses over his neck and his collarbone, exposing his pale abdomen to the naked eye, making his knees weaker and weaker by the second until Yzak could hardly stand it any longer.

In a moment, Deakka's fingers had unbuttoned his pants, his fingers already… already..!

"S-stop it!" Yzak almost whined, unable to even look at him, his face so warm and flushed he must have looked like a tomato. Deakka stopped abruptly in his movements, making Yzak really wonder if was really okay for him to tell him to stop in the middle of… IT.

"So you honestly… don't feel that way then..?" Deakka's voice almost whispered, Yzak hearing clearly he was disappointed.

"Shut up and let me finish!" Yzak blushed, pushing his childhood friend away with the length of his arms. "I can't keep… standing if you'll… we'll go any… further…"

Saying those words was the hardest Yzak had ever done in his eighteen year old life, far more challenging than piloting a mobile suit or fighting a war. Just to get the words out he had to control every little muscle in his body and since there was at least one member who did not respond to any of his desperate commands he could not possibly say it without his voice shaking. He knew, from the moment his words hit Deakka's sensitive eardrum, that there was no going back now. Because with one hard shove from those tanned hands, Yzak was transferred from the door to one of the beds in the matter of seconds.

"D-eakka…" he almost moaned in surprise but there was no time for any other words before their lips were once more locked together into a deep kiss, earning yet another moan with relief from Yzak as he buried his fingers in those blond locks belonging to this man…

Yzak didn't know how, or when, but at the time his lips parted, Deakka's soft tongue was there to great his, as if he had known he would deepen the kiss right there. Or maybe Deakka had been the one opening his mouth? Yzak had no clue any more what was going on with his body or which order his body reacted… Yzak, being quite inexperienced, felt himself being swept away by Deakka's sweet smell and his soft tongue, his warm hands slowly making their way up under his shirt again and his fingertips as they found the delicate skin of his nipple, gently taking it between his fingertips, sending Yzak into whimpering once again with unfulfilled pleasure.

Deakka's soft fingers once again found their way downwards, lower than before until they reached the most sensitive spot Yzak must have ever been touched at. As those slender fingertips gently pressed against his hardened member through the fabric of his boxers, Yzak's entire body jerked closer to him, his fingers digging into those curly locks and his pleasure slipping out as a desperate moan before he could even realize what was happening.

He had never been this close to anyone before, never even once let anyone else touch him like this. His body was driving him mad, Deakka's mare fingers making a mess out of him as they slowly started to pull both pants and boxers down, exposing Yzak's aching limb to the chilly air of the room. What should he do? His cheeks were so warm he could be having a fever and no one would be able to tell the difference, his breath so quick he could hardly even use the oxygen he breathed. With every touch of the slithering fabric, with every heartbeat, Yzak's body stopped protesting more and more, his movements became more loose… his moans all the more willingly heard.

"No matter if you tell me too… I won't stop" Deakka said as the pants were thrown across the room and Yzak blushed even more as he realized he was now lying almost completely stripped on the bed, underneath his childhood friend, while the other one still had all his clothes on. "…so if you don't want this… tell me now before I really start…"

There was not even a glimpse of hesitation as Yzak looked up and met Deakka's burning purple eyes with his own fiery oceans. His body was pounding so hard with pleasure filled pain that he could not think but he was certain, if he did not have Deakka now, he would never get to feel this feeling again.

"Just shut up and kiss me…" he tried to insult but his voice was already moaning as Deakka's slender fingers had wrapped themselves around the warmth of his length. "Ah…Nn..."

Deakka did not disobey orders however, his soft lips immediately locking themselves to Yzak's as soon as he said it, catching and suffocating his moan with his battling tongue, ravishing his mouth with intense movements. 'Oh God...' Yzak though before the control of his mind started to slip. 'I'm such a idiot...'

* * *

**oh my... **

**so Heine.. is intersested in Athrun? Or is that just what the poor boy says to get himself in a better mood? :O **

**And really, even though Yzak and Deakka finally (!) got "into" each other 8D what will happen to their ship and teh Archangel if Yzak doesn't return to the bridge?! :O come on! yes, sex is important but please.... WHAT ABOUT KIRA!? **

**haha **

**any way... I know I'm mean about all this with Kira... but I hope you'll forgive me! and that you'll review and tell me what you think about all this :D I'll sooooon write next chapi! so please don't leave me until then ne? **

**love you guys :'D (ahh to much yaoi makes me sentimental ._.')  
**


	9. I want to see you

**Hey you guys! I'm soooo sorry I'm so late with this chapter but to make it up too you this chapter is almost twice as long as the others! wohooo! **

**though I have to warn you... this is the last chapter... ;__; yes, it is sad... and I know a lot of you guys like this story, I'm so happy that so many of you have commented and made my day's many times though out these weeks when I've been posting this one! Thank you so much, all of you. **

**Now I'm not saying this is the end of it all, there MIGHT be another small chapter after this one but only if you tell me you want it :O and that one will not be posted in a while... :/ but if you really want it I'll try to write another one :) **

**so please, don't hate me for ending it like this... :( love you guys! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own GS or GSD ;____; and I am SAD about that fack... but it will sooooon be Christmas 8D care to give it to me? :'D**

**Warning!: this is a BL story! so if you don't like it when boys fuck each other I sugest you don't read, or at least go get check ups on your brains since you've been reading all chapters up until now ;) hehe**

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**Okay okay I give upp :) too many people became histile towards me, ehehhe **

**there will be another chapter after this one! so don't you guys worry (L) I'll post it as soon as it's done :)**

**have a nice time until then **

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"Is there any way you can contact him?" Marrue asked and Miriellia blushed a little at all the attention she was suddenly given. Ever since the connection with the shop Orion had been cut, Marrue and the others had been asking he all sorts of questions, actually making her feel a little bit like some sort of prisoner they were interrogating. Marrue was now looking as if though she was on the bridge of a nervous breakdown and Lacus had her soft hand on her friend's shoulder as if to calm her, though they had not even looked at each other once.

"Well... I do have a number that used to be his..." Miriellia half whispered and started going through her phone even though they were still watching her like hawks. "it is pretty old though and he has changed his phone a hundred times... I can try calling Deakka again too..."

"Yes, do so" Marrue sighed again and sat down in her chair once more, rubbing her temples a little. "We don't have time for this... if they are here to see whether Kira is alive or not... we cannot let the word spread..."

"I'll go and check how Cagalli-san is doing..." Lacus almost whispered and left the bridge before anyone could protest. She became like that whenever anyone mentioned Kira, they had been so close, Marrue now felt guilty. She knew people around her felt so bad about that boy, and she did too, but she was the captain of this ship and she couldn't show emotions like that... she knew what it felt like to loose the most important person in your life, she had done it more than once.... But if the word came out that Kira Yamato, the pilot of Freedom, was in a coma he would never wake up from, ZAFT would be rejoicing and the Archangel would be shot down as soon as they re-surfaced...

"I've got it here..." Miriellia said after a little while and woke Marru from her desperate thoughts. "I'll try to call them both and hope that at least one of them will answer.." she then stepped out from the bridge, leaving Marrue with all the other crew members, biting their nails.

***

"Do you feel good..?" Came Deakka's soft voice and Yzak literary thought he would burst into a million shattered peaces. How could Deakka even ask that? Wasn't it obvious that each time those slender fingers moved, every time he kissed and caressed his body, Yzak was filled with so much pleasure he would soon be sent to heaven before even dying. He could not speak however and his fingertips gripped the blond man's sweater hard at every moan.

Deakka's fingers were tightening around Yzak's hardened member, blowing his mind away with just the touching but really, Deakka was not an idiot, he saw it long ago, that Yzak was unable to answer, so when the silver haired man underneath him suddenly started tugging in his shirt, Deakka was surprised. Yzak's fingers were shaking a lot but he was determined, it was obvious in his eyes when he had eventually pulled the fabric away, letting his fingertips run down Deakka's soft chest tor his pants, tugging at them as well.

"Yzak..?" the blond man asked in surprise as those trembling didgets ripped the zipper of his pants open but Yzak was to horny and to embarrassed to answer, instead he kissed his childhood friend deeply while tugging now at both pants and boxers. Deakka could not help but moan as those slender fingers brushed against his hardness, making him go mad with longing for this man. "Oh God I want you...!"

-bzzzz bzzzz bzzzzzz-

They both looked at each other in shock, then turned their eyes towards the pants which Deakka had thrown across the room. Yzak was panting hard, his fingertips had stopped moving but Deakka could still feel his fingers against him and he didn't want to stop now, not for anything in the world. He knew Yzak, and he was scared that if they did not go through with this to the end, there was a big risk Yzak would be too embarrassed to even speak about it afterwards.

"Leave it..." he almost moaned and made Yzak look back at him again. "please... I need you now..!"

"Don't worry...." Yzak panted, wrapping his arms tighter around his blond friend's shoulders, looking deeply into his eyes. "...I won't let you stop, even if someone barges in here and tries to drag us out..."

Their lips were once more joined, Yzak's hot tongue finding its way into Deakka's mouth without hesitation. It was almost as I though the phone-call just now had proven to him how much he really wanted this, and now, he really did not want to stop, what ever happened. Deakka felt it too and he groaned with half pain as the fabric of his pants became even tighter, he needed to get out of them! So with shaking fingers he let go of Yzak, who whimpered with disappointment from loosing his fingers. The pants were tugged down, earning a moan of relief from the blond man before he crawled out of them entirely, once more locking their bodies together, kissing the other man deeply.

-bzzz bzzz bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz-

Deakka looked op momentarily as his phone as well started buzzing but he couldn't care less, especially since he looked down at Yzak and found him biting his lip with the most intense longing in his eyes Deakka had ever seen. There was no doubt in his mind, no matter how many times his phone called, no matter how many times a lieutenant knocked at the door, even if the captain himself came knocking, there was no way he wouldn't ravish this man and his entire body.

"Deakka..." the silver haired one whimpered softly, his hip arching in longing and pleasure. "I've... never done it before..." Oh, those words were not really a surprise to Deakka, after all they had known each other all their lives and had had a pretty open relationship but, hearing Yzak confess it right here and now made him so cute, so desirable that the blond could have come right there on the spot.

"Okay..." he half moaned and let his soft hand travel down over Yzak's torso and abs, feeling the goosebumps on the other's pale skin. "I promise I'll be careful..." But at those words Yzak shook his head and jerked his kip against him, blue orbs burning like boiling water.

"Don't be...." he moaned. "...just..."

"Just..?"

"...let me feel you Deakka..."

***

"So, sempai..." Lunamaria blushed as she walked beside Heine through the narrow corridors of the ship. Her sempai has carrying a load for bottles and she had piles and piles of sheets and pillow covers. "Why did you come here? Really?"

Heine just laughed at this, she had asked the same question over and over and just for fun he had given her different answers every time. She was a sweet girl, but he couldn't really tell her, could he? She must have figured out already, being a smart girl, that he and Athrun had known each other for quite some time, since Athrun even let Heine touch him, but what more did she know? Heine was not really sure what to tell her and what to let out... apparently Athrun had not told her about him and Kira, right? So he sighed and kept walking with his usual smirk-like smile.

"I'm here to bake cakes for everyone..." he answered and sighed in content. _'man...' _he thought and laughed inwardly at his own growling stomach. _'..a cake would be so nice right now..'_

"Oh I know that one is definitely not true!" she half giggled and nudged him in the side, almost making him lose his hold and drop the bottles. "I'm sorry sempai!"

"Haha it's okay..." he smiled and shook his head at her clumsiness. "And what have I told you? Heine is fine when you speak to me..."

She blushed and nodded, almost as if scared to call him sempai again, it was always so embarrassing when he had to correct her. He had been there for hours now and already he had corrected her at least ten times. He smiled at her, understanding this, but not teasing her for it at all, just starting to put the bottles into the locker they reached. Lunamaria was quiet for a while too, which was a clear sign she was thinking of how to get the answers out of him, which amused him even more. Why was she so eager to know all this? To know everything about Athrun? If she was in love with him she was really unfortunate... being in love with a guy who had had a crush on his best friend since childhood, you couldn't really top that with anything.

"So..." she finally said when she was done stacking the sheets and now lifted the empty laundry basket. "...you and Athrun... are you like... you know...?"

"No I don't know?" he chuckled and offered to carry the basket but she didn't seem to notice as her cheeks flushed even redder and she turned to walk up the stairs.

"I mean..." she continued and he half smirked as he walked after her. "..are you like... lovers?"

He could not help but almost laugh at this which of course made her turn to look at him in alight irritation. Apparently she had worked up a lot of courage to be able to ask that question, getting laughed at was not her first choice of his reaction.

"Well sorry for wanting to know!" she blushed and then kept walking up the stair, clenching her grip around the basket. "But you know he is gay right?" She then quickly shut her mouth, realizing she had told the deepest secret Athrun might have ever had. She obviously regretted it deeply because it looked as if though she was going to cry and Heine smiled softly, putting his warm hand on her shoulder.

"Don't worry Lunamaria.." he smiled as she met his green eyes. "I've known Athrun since we were both small, he used to tell me everything, he is still like a little brother to me..." When she looked as if though she didn't fully understood he sighed and took the basket from her with soft movements, winding his arm softly around her shoulders to show support. "I already knew he is in love with a man... don't worry."

Her face broke into a soft smile but then she almost immediately bit her lip. "But if you know, can't you please tell me who it is that he loves?" she wined and tried to flesh her long lashes at him to charm him. "I just want to be able to help him you know... he doesn't speak to anyone here... That's why you came right? So that he would be able to speak with someone before we go back up into space...?"

"You're a smart girl..." Heine smiled and as they reached the corridor once more he sighed. "...I can't tell you who it is, I'm sorry, I could never break his trust like that... but yes, that is why I'm here..." She nodded as though she understood but kept walking slowly as if though she was giving him time to speak. "...the chairman mentioned to me that Athrun had been acting off lately, according to the staff on board this ship that is, I had to go here, it always hurts me to see him sad or even hear the mentioning of him being sad..."

"So... you're in love with him then?"

The question was straight forward as the snap of a whip but she didn't really seem to understand what she question could have caused him if he didn't have more self control. He understood that she only asked him because it was like that that she felt, she didn't want Athrun to be sad or suffer, because she was in love with him, if he was sad, it was so hard to watch it actually hurt her too. Athrun had always been like his little brother, but he knew his own feelings were deeper than that, even though they would never be returned the way he so desperately had wished...

"To be able to comfort him when he is sad, to be able to hold him when he is crying..." he began, half avoiding her question but also giving her the answer to her own desperate feelings. "...to know that he will soon smile again, to be able to see his smile at all, that is enough for me... as long as he is happy, I know I'll be okay with just being his friend... right?"

She only nodded at this, half leaning her head against his shoulder as they kept walking down the corridor, not caring at all if they looked like a couple. She bit her lip hard at the thought though. She had told her self not to fall for anyone on this ship, but as soon as Athrun had entered that door, she had not at all been able to hold her emotions back. He was her type after all.

"So... I'm here to make sure he smiles again" Heine then smiled and looked down at her, met bu her slightly smiling lips and eyes as well. "I would cross the sky to do that for him..."

"Heine, you already did that" She half giggled and he nodded as he realized she was right.

"Yeah, I guess"

"So let's make him smile then" she said while trying to get the basket back from his hands. "bake him some cupcakes!" He laughed and did not let the basket go even though she pulled it pretty hard for being a little girl of her size.

"Only if you help me" he chuckled and pulled the basket hard, making her bump into his chest, the girl blushing furiously to his delight. She was really innocent this one and he chuckled at the thought but then she pulled away and opened the door to one of the bedrooms where they were to collect laundry.

"Maybe I will He-..." she started but then turned away from him and looked into the room, dumbstruck.

There were clothes all over, pants hanging on a chair, a shirt thrown over the lamp, a uniform covering the computer on the desk. Both Heine and Lunamaria now stared and Heine knew all to well what a sight like this almost always meant.

"Maybe we should... ditch?" he suggested but it was already to late for making it out of there without being noticed or notice anything they did not want to see. Before Lunamaria could even open her mouth fully, the bathroom door opened and two boys, wearing nothing but towels around their hips, tumbled out from the steaming room, lips locked together deeply, the taller, blond one pushing Shinn up against the wall hard, earing a groan from the dark haired boy.

At this, Lunamaria's mouth had fallen completely open and Heine could not believe his eyes. Not that he knew really who these boys were, but apparently not even Lunamaria had known about the two of them and that was what shocked him. The boys didn't seem to notice the two of them at all, hands touching everywhere until Lunamaria eventually got her throat working again.

"Rey?! Shinn?!"

The boys looked up in shook, looking scared shitless as Lunamaria stared at them, Heine half sinking into the background, knowing this must be embarrassing as hell for both those boys. But Heine could not help smirking slightly as he realized who there two were. Shinn Asuka, this years ace, he was parsed for being one of the most promising pilots in years but his temper was not to play with lightly. And then there must be Rey Za Burrel? They had actually met when they were younger... He was one of the smartest and most strategic fighters of his age... and these two..? it was hilarious!

***

The feeling of being this close to Yzak, moving against him, on top of him, inside him, was so hot he could not even breath any more. Deakka had even forgotten what had happened before, about their fight and even how they ended up in bed together. Looking down at the blushing, moaning boy underneath him made him go crazy with a kind of pleasure he had never felt before in his entire life. Hearing his sweetest voice moan out his name, feeling Yzak's sharp nails break his skin in pleasure as he grabbed his back hard, feeling the blue-eyed one's burning skin and lips under his own body drove him so close to the breaking point that he thought he would be driven mad if he didn't have release soon!

He knew though, somewhere in the back of his mind that his phone had been calling quite a few times but he still couldn't care less as Yzak moaned in pleasure from his movements. How could he ever have tried to tell himself that this was never going to happen? How could he have tried to tell himself that this was not what he wanted? Feeling Yzak arch his back underneath him, feeling him tens up was the most wonderful feeling in the world, his mind went blank with pleasure as he came, unable to stop it any longer.

Panting and relaxing, both boys fell back against the madras, Deakka trying not to crush Yzak but not really wanting to roll of him either, Yzak's arms closing around his back, not wanting to let him go either. There was a long moment, when the only thing heard was the sound of their mixed breaths and the slight buzzing sound the ship it self was making. Then suddenly one of their phones started ringing again and both of them burst into slight laughter, Deakka carrying his weight on his elbows while looking down to meet Yzak's blue orbs.

"You okay..?" He asked while smiling and Yzak nodded, looking totally different from the normal frown he usually wore, his slender fingertips reaching up to gently stroke Deakka's cheek.

"Yeah.." he then answered as he once more pulled his childhood friend down to kiss him. "More than okay..."

Yzak had never been this gentle before, but Deakka did certainly not complain. They lye there for more than ten minutes before Deakka even could look away after the kiss ended. He felt like blushing even though he knew he'd be teased for eternity if he did so, his fingers gently traced Yzak's cheekbone instead, wanting him like this forever, before...

-bzzzzzzzzzzz bzzzzzzzzzzzzzz bzzzzzzzzzzzzz-

"Oh damn it..!" Yzak half moaned and started to push Deakka of the bed. "just answer your damn phone before I destroy it!"

Deakka laughed and stood up by the bed, walking over, still naked, towards his uniform that lay thrown over the lamp. He could feel Yzak watch his back and while still having his back turned to him he took the chance to blush wildly. Trying to gather his thoughts together he looked down at his phone, realizing he had missed about fifteen calls from Miriellia and getting panic, pressing the green button to call her up.

"Deakka?!" came her scared voice almost immediately and Deakka felt as if though he would die inside, Miri had always been important to him, even though they had broken up months ago, and even though the spark between them had kind of faded long before that, she was still special to him and hearing her scared like this was heartbreaking.

"Yes, take it easy Miri... I'm here" he said calmly, hearing how Yzak shifted back on the bed, as if though he could not stop himself from being jealous still, even after what they had just done. "What is it..? What's happened..?"

"I... -ip.. you have to g-..." came her voice, the line almost braking down again, scaring him even more.

"Hey the line is bad... Miri?" he tried sighed deeply.

"-an you hear me now?"

"Yeah... now you're good" he smiled but before he could ask her again hat it was that she wanted, he felt warm hands close themselves around his ways, Yzak pressing his torso against Deakka's back, making him shiver once more.

"You have to tell Yzak to come to the bridge..." she said, her voice still trembling in his ear, bringing him back to reality.

"Yzak..?" He said in surprise, feeling the other man sink his teeth into his neck, fighting a moan that desperately wanted to escape his lips.

"Yes, aren't you with him?" She asked and he suddenly got the feeling she had somehow seen what they just done together, even though he knew that couldn't be true. "On his ship I mean... since the captain knew out coordinates..."

"Oh yeah.... yeah we'll be on the bridge right away..." he said but even before he could continue with asking about Kira the line went quiet, then beeped loudly and the call was cut. "Damn..." he half groaned and turned, pushing Yzak against the door hard. "You distracted me again..."

Yzak didn't blush this time, he only smirked, catching Deakka's lips deeply, their naked bodies gently nudging against each other. Both of them were smiling, the realization of what they had not really sunk in yet, but only minutes later, when they had gotten themselves dressed and were about to leave the room, Yzak spoke up, his voice uncertain and quite weak.

"I..." he started, correcting his uniform even though it was as corrected as it could be. "I'm not gay..."

"I know..." Deakka answered even though he wasn't sure what this was himself. "Me neither..."

-

Not wanting to reveal to any one in the crew about what their real objective was to come after the Archangel, Yzak spoke to Marrue only for a short while as they reached the bridge, the both of them deciding on when and where both Yzak and Deakka would be picked up and brought on board the angel. After that, both Deakka and Yzak went to change clothes, not really speaking that much to others or each other, the silence was quite stressing but there was no time to either argue or kiss furiously.

As they reached the meeting place, Yzak sat down, for the first time in hours, sighing deeply as he realized his ass hurt more than he had expected. Deakka stood some meters away on the rock, looking out over the ocean with that look in his eyes again. Yzak felt shivers down his spine as he saw those eyes, Deakka had looked at him like that too now, just hours ago he had looked at him with those intense eyes. The thought made him shiver with feelings he had never before allowed himself to feel. Deakka was the one, the only one he had ever wanted like this...

"Yzak?" Deakka's voice suddenly sliced the silence and Yzak looked up in slight confusion, only making a slight sound as if though saying yes. "Did you... want me before... you know, before everything started...?"

"Yeah..." Yzak said even though he could feel himself blush like a tomato, and it didn't make anything better when Deakka actually turned to look at him. "..I did... for a long time"

"Me too..."

There was a long silence, when they just looked at each other, not really knowing what to say or do... should they jump each other, kiss each other deeply, act like the cutest couple in history..? Somehow, Yzak doubted Deakka would appreciate that at all, especially since the Archangel was on her way towards them at this very moment. Still, he couldn't just still quiet and still after a sweet confession like that, totally ignoring the fact that he was the one who had confessed first.

"I'm happy you finally told me..." he said and stood up, biting his lip slightly as his rare-end stung like crazy. Deakka still looked at him with those deep eyes, without words as Yzak walked closer, smiling slightly. "...I'm really happy Deakka..."

"Me too..." Deakka smiled back as he reached his hand out for him, Yzak taking it in his own, feeling the warmth of Deakka's fingers spread through his entire body. "Would it be okay for me to kiss you..?"

"Yeah..." Yzak said and felt his smile grow without his permission. Really, Deakka was not good at all, he just made his mind dizzy with pink clouds and pleasure. Not at all good (in denial). As he softly placed his hands on Deakka's strong chest he felt shivers down his spine. He had been such and idiot not noticing this earlier, really, they had been best friends for ages and still he hadn't understood, that these hot lips now locked to his own had wanted him for so long...

"They are here..." Deakka suddenly sighed and stroke Yzak's soft cheek as he realized his childhood friend was frowning cutely. "come one Yzak... we need to do this, remember?"

"yeah I know" Yzak sighed and nodded. "For Athrun..."

"For Athrun..."

Yzak felt weird even seeing those Orb uniforms and the people coming to meet them. He had been fighting the Archangel for the longest time and it was believed that she had somehow been destroyed after the war, now seeing her crew coming to pick them up made him shiver. He had a feeling that even though they were friendly and treated Deakka as if though he was a part of their crew, they sent Yzak death-glares... and he knew they really didn't like the idea of taking him on-board.

"Deakka!" came a call as soon as they entered through the first door and even though Yzak was busy to look around on how this ship looked on the inside, he could not help but notice as he was half pushed into the wall by the crying girl. "I never thought you'd answer that damn phone, asshole!!"

"I'm sorry Miri..." Deakka said softly, gently winding his arms around her shaking back. "It's okay now, I'm here and so is Yzak..."

The girl looked up at him and then turned to look back at Yzak who was trying his best not to let his jealousy show to much in his eyes. She even said "hi" too and asked him to forgive her for bumping into him so abruptly. Not that it made him any less angry, but since he had to put up an act, he smiled and said it was no big deal, making both Miri and Deakka stare at him, Yzak realizing that his normal reply to a thing like that would not have been a smile like this. But he didn't really care enough to change his behavior, instead he sighed and looked around.

"So..." he said and then turned back to Miriellia and his childhood friend, who was STILL holding the girl by the way! "...we're here cause you called Deakka before, about Kira..."

"Yeah..." she answered and immediately got a glimpse of empty sadness in her eyes. "...I'll take you to him right away..."

Walking behind Deakka and the girl through these corridors made Yzak shiver from unwanted cold feelings. She and Deakka had been here together before, maybe even stood here making out? No wait, they had still been fighting when being here but since Yzak had never really dared or wanted to know details, he didn't actually know when their fighting had gone from fisting each others faces to kissing everywhere... And it frightened him to see her like this, so pretty and beautifully sad, what if Deakka fell right back into his old feelings for her? What would Yzak do if that happened? There was no way he could compete against someone like her... right?

When they reached a longer, wider corridor however, Deakka softly turned his head back and gave Yzak a little smile, almost as if knowing how he was feeling and it calmed him. Of course he had a chance over this girl. Wasn't he the one person who knew Deakka the best? They had known each other for almost their entire lives, she had only tried to stab him with a knife.

"Isn't this the way to the infirmary...?" Deakka suddenly said and the silence was broken, bringing Yzak back to reality with a snap, making Miriellia look up for the first time since they started walking. She started nodding though and Deakka looked back at his friend, a frightened expression in his face. "What on earth..?" he then continued but he didn't end the sentence, because once again Miriellia started picking up speed.

***

"Who's phone is this black one?" Heine asked, almost as if trying to ease the mood in the cafeteria where he, Lunamaria, Shinn and Rey were now seated. Shinn had been blushing furiously ever since he and Rey had walked into the room, Luna as well. Rey just sat there, drinking his tea, looking completely calm and comfortable in the middle of the awkward silence. Heine had found a phone on the table just now and since he wasn't good at being quiet, he tried to get a conversation going by using this new discovery, but none of the others seemed to want to talk about lost phones, it was only Rey who's lips twitched into a smirk when he saw the phone.

The silence fell once more, even deeper and more cold now than before and Heine already regretted speaking up. Seriously these guys? What was the problem here? Yes, well Shinn and Rey had been discovered, fine, Shinn was embarrassed and didn't want the rumor that he was gay to spread through the entire ship, but why couldn't he just say so then? Or was he that kind of person who couldn't even say the words when he was mad? And what about Rey? This could not have been just a fling or a one time situation... Heine was good at reading people and situations, and that kiss, those hot fingers before... those were not just driven by horniness, no, that was love... So why was it so damn hard to talk about?!

"I'm sorry Shinn..." Lunamaria suddenly said, then quickly added. "You two Rey... if I had been more careful... I shouldn't have barged in like that without checking what was going on in there"

"No you shouldn't have!" came Shinn's hard voice but Rey only smiled and Heine could see the blond man softly grabbing Shinn's hand under the table.

"It's okay, really, Lunamaria, Heine..." the blond, so much more mature man said and met both their pair of eyes. "we should have been more careful as well, not only you are to blame for this, right Shinn?"

The dark haired boy didn't answer to this, only gripped Rey's hand hard back and Heine somehow felt all warm inside. These two... Rey had been hiding this relationship as well as he could, but not for his own sake or reputation, but because of Shinn's fright of being discovered. Now, when Shinn felt the most vulnerable, Rey was still right there beside him, even though he must be just as vulnerable on the inside as his lover was.

After another moment of weird silence, Heine decided to find out who's phone this really was, since the conversation really did not show any signs of progressing. So he opened it but before being able to look at anything else than the background, which was a picture of a flower, fruity enough, the phone itself started buzzing, making him so surprised he dropped it on the floor, the buzzing stopping abruptly.

"What was that?" Lunamaria asked in surprise at the bumping noise when the phone hit the floor. Even the blushing Shinn now looked up, like a curious child at the dinner-table.

"I was gonna look at the phone..." Heine admitted and looked in under the table to search for the small black thing. "...but when I opened it it started ringing and I was so surprised I dropped it..."

"You're so clumsy Heine" Lunamaria giggled and Heine smiled, even making Shinn look a little more at ease. But since he couldn't see the phone, Heine had to crawl down on the floor and look under all the chairs, hearing how both Luna and Shinn laughed at him.

"What?" he chuckled back as he bumped his head slightly in the table leg. "Should I just leave it here on the floor when I don't even know who's phone it is?"

"Well, if you'll die when fetching it..." Rey smirked and looked down at him. "Then I'd prefer you just left it, Heine-sempai.."

As Heine eventually had stopped laughing and found the phone under his own chair, he cursed a little as he realized he had missed the call and that the caller was from a hidden number. What was so good with hidden numbers anyway? Yeah you couldn't be traced and all, but if someone missed a call from you, they could never call you back or know who it really was that was calling. _'Well'_ he thought and flipped the phone open once more._ 'At least the person owning this can't say I was snooping since I didn't even answer the call...'_

***

"Damn..." Miriellia wined and threw her phone down at the empty bed next to the one occupied by Kira's cold, lifeless body. "...you sure that's his number Deakka? He isn't answering, I've called him like a thousand times..."

"Yeah I'm... I'm sure..." Deakka answered, all taken by the scene in front of him, holding that cold hand gently, feeling as if though he could break apart any minute. If Athrun got the notion of this, he would die inside... Even though Deakka had not known Kira that well, seeing the boy like this was almost more heartbreaking than he could have imagined, it had even made Yzak stop to stare from the door, it was not until now, about fifteen minutes later that he had taken some steps closer.

"M-maybe Athrun is just busy right now..?" the white haired one almost whispered, now looking away from the pale boy on the bed to be able to look at the girl he hated more than any girl on the planet. "Don't worry, he'll pick up soon, Miri..."

For Yzak this was something so different he didn't even know how to handle himself and when that girl looked up at him he knew he could not hate her anymore. Tears were striping her cheeks and her hands trembled as she reached for the phone again. She was trying so hard, even though she knew that no matter how much she tried, the boy on the bed would not wake up... she was trying to be able to tell the most important person in Kira's life, that Kira was... gone. She was trying to be stronger than what she was, and that feeling Yzak could relate to.

He softly walked over to the bedside where she was sitting, seating himself next to her, not caring if she looked with that weird expression at him. What else could he do? As he looked over at the young man on the opposite bed the only thing he could think of was Nicol, Rusty... Miguel and every one else who had died during the war... Kira was one of the most brilliant fighters out there, he had really fought for not only his own life, but for the life of his friends... just like all other young people joining the forces. And still... Kira had died like this? Not fighting but.. just... gone out like the light of a candle. His stomach turned with fear as he thought about it and he knew both Deakka and Miriellia were scared as well. If Kira, the most brilliant of all young fighters, had just stopped living, then there was really no guarantee of who would live or die...

He softly placed a warm arm around Miriellia's shoulder, feeling how she tensed before relaxing and burying her damp cheeks in his shoulder while he softly stroke her back. She needed comfort, and he knew it didn't matter from who it was given. He knew that feeling, and he could see it in her eyes...

He thought of Athrun... about the day Nicol had died... they had fought so hard and Yzak had blamed it all on Athrun in the end... if Deakka had not run after him there he did not know what he would have done. But Athrun... he had always been so close to Nicol, Nicol had always been there to comfort him so Yzak and Deakka had not thought about the fact that they had actually left Athrun all alone by the lockers... When they had returned three hours later, Athrun had still been sitting there, surrounded by the piano sheets belonging to the younger boy, holding Nicol's uniform in his arms...

At that time there had been no anger left in him. Yzak had realized in that moment that if Athrun did not get comfort in this, he would break down. Both Deakka and Yzak had comforted him then and there. That was exactly what he needed to do for this girl now, no matter how much he hated her...

"Don't worry..." he said again, looking back at Deakka who already was a pale as his tanned skin would allow him to become. "Both of you, we'll reach Athrun soon enough... you'll see..."

***

The day passed slowly and Heine found himself falling asleep more than once on a bench or by the table. Every time he saw Lunamaria she giggled and acted all normal even though he saw in her eyes how embarrassed she was over what they had discovered earlier. And when he saw the boys, he just smiled, making Shinn blush like a tomato each and every time. Other than that he had nothing to smile about...

Athrun had not been around at all that day, not since they parted at least. He had so much to do and so many things and people to speak to... it made Heine proud, to see his "little brother" run around, everyone loving him an laughing with him. He was happy he had come here, it wasn't as if though he would have had more fun up in space and this way he could spend some time with Athrun too, at least in the evenings but... There was something about that boy that made Heine want to run and hide. Athrun was sad, more san now than during the war and that intense sadness scared him... What could he do? What could he ever do to help this boy smile for real again..?

-bzzzzz bzzzzzzzzzz bzzzzzzz-

Heine looked down at his pocket, the smartest reaction to a ringing phone ever, staring at it until he realized it was the phone he had found at the table that morning. He quickly pulled it out of his pocket, realizing it had been ringing about twenty times but he had moved around so much he hadn't even noticed its buzzing. He flipped it open without hesitation this time, thinking that if this "unknown" caller had the stamina to call and call over and over again it had to be something really important.

"Yeah...?" he said, feeling fairly stupid, especially since he had somehow started believing this was a girl's cellphone. Imagen the callers surprise if they were expecting a young girl to answer and they got a man's voice instead.

"_Hello?"_ came a confused voice from the other line, sounding, from that small word, as if though the persons entire world was crashing down, the person sobbing as if she had been crying for hours.

"Who is this..?" Heine asked and turned away from the balcony, where he had been standing looking down at Athrun for the last hour. "Are you okay..?"

"_This is Miriellia..." _the crying woman answered and he could hear she sat down by the words. _"Who...? This is not... your phone, right..?"_

"No, this is Heine, I found the phone under a table..." he answered, still eager to understand what the hell was going on.

"_Do you know Athrun?"_ a voice suddenly asked and this was man, which made Heine slightly confused. Apparently this Miriellia girl was not alone, and immediately thousand questions entered his mind but he could do nothing but answer yes to that question, which made the man on the other line sigh in something sounding like relief._ "Please, give him the phone... I-... talk-.. h-..m-..." _

"Eh?" Heine looked at the phone then put it back to his ear. "Sorry, can you repeat that? The line is bad... hello?"

"_Hello..?"_ the man on the line asked and even though his voice sounded distant, Heine could hear him slightly better now._ "Tell him Deakka wants to speak to him... give-... phone and tell h-..."_

"Hello? Deakka..?" But before Heine got any further reply, the line was broken and he looked down at the phone with confused eyes. What the hell was that about? Though, he looked down at Athrun, this would actually give him a reason to interrupt the younger man in his work. He quickly decided that was what he had to do since the people who just called might call again. While running down the stairs towards the workers around the large Gundams, he thought about the name he had just heard. "Deakka" it had to be Deakka Elsman, they had even met...

"Hey, Athrun!" He called and cursed under breath as he realized the man had moved from the spot where he had been standing earlier. Really, was this a unlucky day or what? "Joulant!" He called at the young boy and he came running almost immediately.

"Yes sir?"

"Can you please help me find Athrun? It's important..!"

"Yeah, of course" the dark skinned boy smiled and then called for his friend Vino the help them as well. Not that Heine understood any of this but he had to tell Athrun. He just felt something was going on, for Christ sake, the girl had been crying like crazy in the back as Deakka had been speaking.

***

Deakka sighed and sat back down at the table, gripping the phone hard in his hand. "Now I know how you felt Miri..." he almost whispered as he looked down at her ping cell, wanting to crush it even though he knew he didn't have the strength to do so. Ever since that man had finally picked up Athrun's phone and the call had been broken, they had tried at least twenty times to call again but every time a voice had politely told them that there was something blocking the line and there was no connection.

"Maybe it's to late...?" Yzak said, looking down at the surface of the table, his eyes half giving away the fact that he was about to give up on all this. "Maybe they've already gone into space..."

"What do you mean?" Miriellia said and looked up in shock, clenching her fingers around the bottle she had been holding for an hour now without drinking one drop. "Gone into space...?"

"Last we heard..." Deakka started explaining, sighing while putting the phone on the table for all to look at, some of the other crew members had joined them now, all looking just as close to giving up as Yzak. "...the Minerva was about to prepare for take of into space... and that was a week ago, the could easily be up by now... then there is no way of reaching them if we don't go up ourselves or in six months when they plan to return..."

"No...." Miriellia sobbed and buried her sweet face in her arms. "We have to get a hold on him... what if he doesn't even get to see Kira again and when he finally gets the notion about the fact that he has... has... passed away then he'll already have been buried in the sea...!"

"Please Miri..." Deakka said, pulling his hand over his face, feeling so tired he thought he could pass out right there and sleep for an eternity. "...we will reach him okay? This guy has probably already found him and told him we want to speak to him, okay? There is no need to worry about that he won't find out.... if it's Athrun, I'm sure he'll understand something is going on and contact us in some way..."

"you sure..." the girl wined and Yzak looked up to see her cute eyes look back at Deakka, feeling that pull in his stomach as he lowered his gaze again. How could he be thinking these jealous thoughts in a time like this?

"I'm sure..." Deakka then nodded and Yzak felt himself blush as Deakka's warm fingers curled around his own cold ones in his lap. He looked up at Deakka from under his bangs and saw those deep orbs smile back at him gently, making him grip Deakka's hand tighter. There was no need to be worried about jealousy, Deakka needed him just as much as Yzak needed him. Especially now...

"Cagalli..?" Miriellia suddenly asked and they all looked up to see the blond woman walk passed the room, her body facing Kira's room before she stopped and looked back at them. "Where are you going..?"

"Oh..." the blond one smiled even though they all could see her sorrow in her deep, honey colored orbs, dark rings under her eyes. "I... I need to see Kira..."

"Cagalli... please come have something to eat..." one of the crew members asked but she softly shook her head and gave up that soft smile.

"Not right now" she then answered and nodded at them as in a greeting. "I'll be back in a while... I just... have to see him that's all..."

They all watched the young woman walk away and as she was gone and they heard the door to the infirmary close, Deakka explained to Yzak who Cagalli was and his jaw dropped. They sat there, talking for a little while, almost as if trying to think of something else not to have mental mass breakdown.

"Should we keep calling..?" Yzak then asked after about half an hour and the others nodded while looking at the now hated phone. It was the only thing they could do. The only thing they could do for both themselves, Kira and Athrun...

***

"Athrun?!" Heine called for about the thousand time as he hurried through the ship. Seriously, he had been looking for the guy for over two hours now, how big could I ship be? Or was he deliberately hiding somewhere to be alone? That would just be mental. Heine shook his head and cursed silently. And it was not as if Athrun could call him if someone gave him the message Heine was looking for him, since Heine was the one with Athrun's phone, and even though Athrun might borrow someone else's phone, they did not have Heine's number and if he knew Athrun right that man did not remember his number by heart... damn.

The phone had not been calling since that time when he picked up and he was starting to get real worried now. Maybe something had happened to the caller? And if it was really Deakka Elsman, then it meant it was one of Athrun's closest friends and this could mean trouble... He knew all to well how close Athrun already was to breaking down from this war... to loose another friend would just be...

"Heine!"

He turned around and sighed in relief as he saw Athrun coming towards him with hurried steps, all flushed from running it seemed. He gave up a smile as his sweet friend hugged him hard, closing his arms around Athrun's back in return, letting go completely of all the worry.

"Youlant told me you were looking for me..." Athrun panted and then looked back at his friend in worry. "he said it was urgent but that was half an hour ago... I couldn't find you..."

"It's okay..." Heine smiled and pulled out a chair for his brother as they reached the tables. "Actually, I think we run passed each other more than once if you were running around as well..."

Athrun chuckled a little and sat down, breathing deeply to try to get back to his normal heart rate. Heine chuckled and sat down to do the same, then felt the phone in his pocket and remembered why he had been running in the first place.

"Oh, here" he aid and pulled it up, placing it between them on the table. "It has been calling about fifty times today... until I picked it up..."

"How was it?" Athrun asked in surprised and opened it, only to see it was an unknown caller.

"At first it was a girl... I don't really remember her name though..." Heine confessed and scratched his neck. "She was crying though and since the line was so bad I couldn't really hear what she was saying, but when I asked her, someone else took the phone, and I think that was an old friend of yours, Deakka Elsman..."

"Deakka?" Athrun repeated, looking back down at the phone again. "Deakka called here...? Why?"

"Well... the line was broken..." Heine sighed and looked at the phone as well. "the only thing he said was that I should tell you he wanted to speak to you, the girl was crying so hard I thought something really bad had happened... and since then the phone has nor rung even once, and when I tried to call that voice said there was no connection..."

Athrun stared down at the phone, it was obvious he was trying to figure out who this woman was and Heine closed his eyes to try to figure out what her name had been. He had thought to much about Deakka he had almost forgotten about the poor girl.

"I think... her name was something like Miriella... Mirellia..." he tried and immediately Athrun looked up with big eyes.

"Miriellia...?"

"Yes, Miriellia, that was her name" Heine smiled, impressed by his own memory but the look on Athrun's face shut him up. He looked totally mortified.

"Kira... something most have happened to him..."

"Kira..? Why is that?"

"Well... Miriellia is on the Archangel... She would not have called me unless something happened to Kira, she doesn't even have my number so Deakka is there to help her get in touch with me..." Athrun explained, not at all sure, not understanding he had guessed the exact truth. "and he wouldn't have called me if it wasn't something I really needed to know..."

"Athrun..." Heine started and sighed. "...I'm sure it is nothing really serious... I mean..."

But the sudden buzzing from the phone scared them both silent immediately, it was almost so that Heine wanted to shit his pants. Athrun stared down at the phone with scared eyes, not wanting to answer now that he knew something bad was going to be spoken to him but Heine grabbed his hand over the table.

"It's going to be okay Athrun..." He said with calmness in his voice. "You can do this... I know you can..."

Athrun nodded and drew a deep breath, pressing Heine's hand hard before putting the phone to his ear, his voice trembling, tears filling his eyes even before he spoke. "yes, this is Athrun..?"

"_Athrun..."_ came the soft reply against his ear. _"It's me, Kira... I wanna see you..."_

_

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**OMG!!**

**I really hope you don't hate me -puppy eyes-**

**Thank you once again for everything good you've told me about this story **

**you all have helped me to compleate it and I am truly thankful for that **

**now, if you want a following chapter you really have to tell me cuz otherwise this will be the end and only your imagination will take you further... though imagination is not a weak force ;) **

**I hope you liket the last chapter you guys **

**thank you so much **

**(L)**

**I look forward to seeing some of you again at another story maybe :)**

**bye  
**


	10. with you extra

**Hello every one! **

**Since you all seemed so totally devastated by the fact that last chapter was supposed to be the last one (and the fact that I ended it with a real mean cliffy (yes I do apologize sincerely for that) and that so many of you came with the question "is kira alive or dead?!") I decided to write another one, just for you! **

**This chapter is a follow up on what happened right after last chapter ended ^^ so please enjoy now you guys! **

**This however will be the last chapter I post of "childhood friends" :( I know it's sad... but if you like the way I write then why don't you subscribe to me and you'll soon know if I post another interesting GSD fanfiction :D:D cause I actually have my plans for another one :D **

**have a pleasant Christmas now! **

**Disclaimer: i don NOT own GS or GSD... and I don't know how many times I've been forced to say that now... but no matter how many times I say it it always hurts! T^T -being over dramatic-**

**Warning!!!!!: yaoi coming up! guyxguy! so if you seriously are so weird that you have read this story and still haven't gotten that then I suggest you leave 8D if you don't like it ofc! hohoho**

**ps. I want to thank my friend Sousuke for tipping me about Super Junior! if it had not been for that band, I would not have finished this chapter :O thanks hun!  
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When Cagalli had entered the room with tears streaming down her face, they all had thought she was just so upset she couldn't speak, and they all understood that. Of course she was upset, her little brother was on his way of becoming brain dead and was practically gone already, even though they were all sad and upset because of that fact, they all understood how much harder it had to be to loose your own brother. The blond girl had been shaking so hard though, it had worried them all but when she had tried to speak and it didn't work, she had started bulling on Miriellia's sleeve... Miriellia had looked so sad and she had not had the strength to resist as the crying woman had led her down the corridor, and the rest had followed as well, just to make sure there wasn't something going on.

The sight that had met them as they looked inside from the doorway was a sight they never thought they would see. Deakka had almost wanted to close his eyes and tell himself this had all been a bad dream, Yzak had told another man to pinch him hard and Miriellia sat down on the chair by the bed with knees like spaghetti.

Kira's deep purple eyes were opened and his tanned hands holding Cagalli's cellphone against his chest. As everyone stared down at him he looked back up at them, his lips so dry they cracked a little when he tried to smile but that didn't stop him.

"How long was I out for...?" He asked, his voice sounding as if though his throat was completely dry, his gentle smiling eyes meeting each and everyone of their's. "...you look like you've all seen a ghost... hehe"

When the doctor had checked on the boy he came to the gathering room where they all were waiting anxiously for his verdict. Cagalli was still shaking but her cheeks were regaining their color and even the rest of the crew looked hopeful. After all, they had all seen the same thing. Kira could not possibility be dead now, right? They had all seen him meet their eyes, heard him speak... there was no way.

"Well..." the doctor sighed and sat down on the couch right next to Cagalli, all eyes on him. "...I cannot find anything wrong with him at all..." Everyone looked at each other with big smiles, relief filling the room but Deakka could see in those eyes there was something bothering the doctor deeply.

"Then why do you look so worried doctor..?" He asked and met the older man's eyes as he looked up.

"Well, let's just say this..." the man sighed and rubbed his temples. "Only an hour ago, his heart was failing and he could hardly breath on his own, his mind was out of reach and his pulse far below average... Technically, he should be dead or at least brain damaged by now..."

"Technically, yes..." Yzak said, since he had been listening from behind Deakka. "..but as you see, he is breathing and talking, he remembers everything doesn't he? There is nothing wrong with him..."

"Yes well..." the doctor said but Marrue interrupted before he could say anything else.

"If you find it odd, that Kira pulled through... then may I ask you, wasn't it more odd that he suddenly had a heart attack when all his other values were fine?"

"Yes it was strange..." the doctor agreed and removed his glasses to clean them. "...and the fact that he went into a coma right after was even more strange, but that sometimes happen in these cases... after all, we don't know everything a coordinator can go through without suffering from serious brain damage..."

"A coordinator doesn't get a heart attack unless he has been eating such unhealthy food, a normal person would already have died... right Deakka?" Miriellia asked with weak voice and Deakka nodded to confirm it. "And Kira has been in coma before... or... something like it..." She continued. "Remember when he had fallen though the atmosphere? He didn't wake up for days and a normal person would have died even before reaching earth..."

"I was in a coma too after that..." Yzak said slowly and once again, Deakka nodded to confirm that too. "Both me and Deakka were in a coma for days after falling though the atmosphere, everyone thought he would die..." he then added, pointing at Deakka who scratched his neck.

"Maybe we can never fully understand how far coordinators will be able to go, beyond what naturals can..." Marrue sighed and smiled a little, stroking Cagalli's blond locks softly with her hand. "...but as far as we know, maybe this coma was the only thing keeping that boy alive... and in that case, he might be okay now... no matter how unbelievable it is to us."

"C-can I see him?" Cagalli half whispered and the doctor nodded even though his worry wrinkle did not disappear. When the girl had rushed away, tightly followed by Miriellia, he sighed again and looked up at Marrue, then over to Deakka and Yzak.

"I just hope this won't backfire..." he sighed and shook his head slowly. "That he will grow so weak he will actually die just because he managed to cling to life... I can see it in that girl's eyes, that she will be crushed into bits if she looses her brother again... once is enough..."

Deakka smiled, feeling Yzak grip his sleeve softly when no one was looking. "I think, or I know... Kira is stronger than that..." He said and saw in Marrue's eyes that she was thinking the same. "..if he didn't give up the first time, the will never give up..."

-

"Kira..?" Cagalli whispered as she opened the door to the dark room, her voice telling everyone who heard it how scared she was of not getting an answer. Miriellia looked down at their joined hands and felt the fear as well. What if Kira really was dead now all of a sudden, what if it had only been an illusion, how could she possibly comfort her friend again..? The seconds following after the blond woman's question seemed longer than any decade, making them both shiver.

"Cagalli?" came the soft voice from the shadows and both girls breathed out deeply. "Miriellia too..? Hi..."

The girls walked inside on soft feet, Miriellia lightening and dimming the lamp before sitting down o the chair, Cagalli sitting in the side of the bed, holding Kira's now warm hand with a smile. The boy looked so tired he could have fallen asleep right at that very moment, yet he met their eyes, smiling as well, blinking slowly.

"How are you feeling?" Cagalli said softly and his smile grew gently.

"Tired..." he answered. "But other than that, fine..."

"Good..." Miriellia smiled and he met her eyes, making her calmer than she had been in weeks. "Really, Kira... you scared us shitless... you know that?"

"heh..." the brown haired one smiled and nodded softly, his soft skin flushing a little over his cheeks. "Yeah, the doctor told me you were angry with me for making you wait so long.."

"We would never be angrys..!" Cagalli started but Kira just smiled and pressed her hand gently to show her he was only joking. "Oh.."

"I saw Deakka and Yzak right..?" Kira then asked and looked back at Miriellia, since she was the calmest of the girls at the moment, Cagalli on her way into tears again.

"Yeah, I called them when you had the heart attack..." she answered and he nodded as if though he understood. "...but my phone has been acting weird and since they only understood something bad had happened to you, they came here to check on you..."

"They did that for me..?" Kira asked, sounding slightly surprised. "And Athrun...?"

"We tried to contact him but..." Miriellia sighed and shook her head. "Someone else picked up and then the call was broken again, he doesn't know..."

"It's okay.." the boy smiled and looked back at Cagalli who was crying silently with relief. "I called him the first thing I did... he is on his way here..."

"So he knows..?" Miriellia sighed in relief, almost about to cry herself now that all the angst was letting go of her but Kira shook his head slowly.

"I just said I wanted to see him... and he said immediately he was on his way, as if he had already thought of going here..." There was a soft smile playing over Kira's broken lips and as he smiled Miriellia was certain he would never give up, ever. "He'll be here in about twelve hours..."

"Then we'll let you rest until it's time..." Cagalli nodded and softly kissed the younger one's forehead, making the boy draw a deep breath of relief. "Call for us if there is anything, ne Kira?"

"I promise" he nodded and as she straightened her back, he had already closed his eyes and his breath had slowed down. Miriellia could not help but sigh once more and gently reach out for him, stroking his cheek as Cagalli stood up.

"Don't wanna leave him..." the blond woman whispered but then took Miriellia's hand again. "But let's go fix some food and make ourselves useful until Athrun reaches here..."

Miriellia nodded in agreement and both girls left the room silently, trying to make the sliding door close only once to ensure they boy's sleep. Yzak and Deakka met them in the corridor and Miriellia hugged the tanned blonde hard, whispering thankful words into his ear. At first she did not notice the death glares she received from the silver haired man behind her ex boyfriend, but as she opened her eyes and looked over the strong shoulder belonging to Deakka, she immediately saw how Yzak turned his head away, looking just as pissed of as only Yzak Jule could.

"Oh Yzak..." she smiled and let Deakka go, totally misunderstanding the situation thinking that Yzak wanted her attention as well since he was the commanding officer of their ship. "Thank you so much..!" In the matter of seconds she had her arms around his neck as well and the young man stared in shock over hes shoulder, not knowing if to hug her back or push her away.

Deakka only laughed, his anxiety also letting go slowly now, feeling the strength return to his body. "Yzak... you're supposed to put her your arms around her waist..." He chuckled and softly grabbed Yzak's stiff hands, showing them softly how to hold around her, smirking as the younger one made the cutest face, blushing.

"I know how to hug girls!" he protested and Cagalli giggled a little too, before suddenly realizing the way Deakka was touching those hands, the way their eyes met... that was the cause of Yzak's blush, not the fact that there was a girl hugging him, but the way Deakka was treating him.

Cagalli leaned back against the wall, watching the three of them play around, making fun of Yzak and then of Deakka, Miriellia laughing with them since she knew them better from back when she was dating Deakka. It was amazing to see how much these boys reminded her of Athrun and Kira really, they were just alike, though these two seemed to be a bit more used to be together and joke around. Deakka wrapped his strong arms around the silver haired one and Yzak protested loudly to Miri's delight, making Yzak blush even more than seemed possible, all the way to his ears.

"Come on let's just go back to the others..!" Yzak then protested and Miriellia turned to laugh while nodding and starting to walk through the corridor in front of the boys. It was not that Cagalli felt forgotten, but somehow she felt that at least the two boys had forgotten she was there, because as they too started walking, Deakka reached out.... gently touching Yzak's slender fingers where they rested against the slimmed man's side. Cagalli felt her eyes widen as she saw it but she didn't make a sound, only watched how Yzak blushed with irritation and embarrassment, then gently gripped Deakka's fingers back, causing the blond to smile gently.

Cagalli felt a suction at the pit of her stomach and she almost stopped in her step. They loved each other, she could see it in the way they touched, the way Deakka held his friend tightly against his chest just moments ago... She had been so preoccupied with thinking how much like Athrun and Kira they were, that she had not noticed the obvious connection between them. As she started walking faster again, to catch up to them, she thought silently if Miriellia had already noticed, and if she would be sad of happy for their sake when she found out... Then it hit her... Athrun and Kira... were they... like this..?

***

"Athrun, this is madness..!" Lunamaria tried but no matter what she said, he would not see reason and before she knew it, he was on his way up into his Gundam, blipping at the buttons. "Ahtrun! Where exactly are you going?! You know we are taking of soon! Please come back down here and talk to me..!"

"Haha... there is no way to make him see reason now..." Heine chuckled as he joined her down at the floor. "He is a man in love, desperate to set things right... so actually, we have no right to stop him, as long as he follows his orders to be back her by the decided time limit..."

"But where is he going..?" the girl almost sobbed out in frustration and the older man smiled gently, hugging her shoulders softly.

"The Archangel..." he sighed. "Really... he is stupid..."

Athrun smiled as he heard those words up in his mobile armor, closing the hatch and seeing how Heine waved with two fingers to send him of. He had to do this and he knew Heine at least understood, he would leave it all to his sempai, his older brother, but he knew Heine didn't mind. He smiled a little as Shinn and Rey stepped out on the floor as well, nodding at him to go. Really, they worked good together those two...

"Athrun Zala, taking of...!"

Rey and Shinn looked up at the large Gundam before looking over at their sempai and the still confused girl. The black haired young man sighed and leaned a little against Rey's shoulder while a soft smirk was growing at the side of his lips.

"You didn't know Luna?" He said and as the girl turned to him, she blushed furiously when seeing how Rey had put his arm around the dark haired one who had just spoken.

"Know what?!"

"About that pilot..." Shinn chuckled and then met Heine's eyes, seeing in those green orbs the answer to the question he had just asked Lunamaria. "The pilot of Freedom, who is Athrun's childhood friend.."

"What about him...?" She asked in even more confusion and looked back up at their green eyed sempai who had now started to walk down the path towards the door again. "Heine-sempai? What about him..? Shinn..?"

But the younger men chuckled and started to follow their sempai, Rey mentioning something about food and Heine smiling to confirm that he had nothing against the proposal of eating, all of them totally ignoring the girl calling for them.

"Not fair!" She whined and hurried after them, earning a soft chuckle from Heine as he turned to her.

"Hurry up or you'll be without food Lunamaria-chan!"

***

"Cagalli? Where have you been?" Miriellia asked in surprise as Cagalli entered the kitchen almost an hour after the others. "We thought you walked right behind us but when we came here you were gone, what..?" Her voice broke as she saw the red, swollen skin around the blond woman's eyes as if she had been crying even more than before, but still she was smiling, which made them all confused.

"I'm sorry" she said as her smile grew and she scratched her neck softly, almost as if she was embarrassed. "I just remembered something I wanted to talk to Kira about, I've been with him now for a while but he is sleeping finally so..."

Not that Miriellia believed the girl, since her eyes were so swollen but of course, she could have been crying with relief so Miri and the others couldn't really object to what she had told them. They all smiled and involved her in the conversation and soon the red color disappeared from the blond woman's cheeks and she smiled for real again. Miriellia first had some trouble getting over her worry but the more time passed, the more she, too, smiled and joked around with her friends.

Both Deakka and Yzak were the best at being funny in a comforting way and the entire crew kept repeating to them how thankful they were for the boys coming there, even though they hadn't really done anything to help Kira, like they had set out to do. Yzak had started telling stories about his bravery, making Deakka laugh and mock him for the fact that the silver haired one had been shot down AGAIN and just days ago had been in terrible need of rescue.

"I was NOT in need of rescue!" Yzak protested and glared in irritation at his friend, which only made Deakka laugh even more.

"Oh don't be so shy Yzak.." Cagalli spoke up and Yzak blushed terribly, since he understood now that something unpleasant would come over her lips. "we all know how easily you get shot down..."

"Hey!"

But there was nothing Yzak could say or do to prove to the laughing crew that they were wrong, and he spent the nearest hour glaring at Deakka as soon as he got the chance, which of course was even funnier than seeing his usual mood.

"Athrun-san is calling!" Miriellia suddenly called on speaker and Marrue hurried of to the bridge, making everyone's stomachs tingle with anticipation for some reason. They all looked towards the screen on the wall and saw how it sparkled to life, showing the inside of Athrun's Gundam and the young man made salute.

"Athrun Zala here" he said and somehow everyone felt at es when they saw his smiling, green eyes. "Requesting to dock"

The sliding doors to the kitchen aria opened and they all looked over there as Kira stepped inside, holding the door post for support but smiling gently as he saw the screen, then met their eyes. Cagalli hurried over to her brother and gently pulled him close, one arm around his slimmed waist and the other pulling the boy's arm over her shoulders.

"Come on" she smiled and the others nodded. "Let's go down to meet up with him shall we?"

Kira's steps were slow at first, his knees shaking and his body weak from being still in a come for so long but he didn't give up, not even when he was about to fall to the floor, he only gripped harder around his sister and Deakka, who had also offered a helping hand. The others looked at the young man with worry but he only smiled that soft smile of his and kept walking, making them all sure of what Deakka had said before. _"I know Kira is stronger than that... f he didn't give up the first time, the will never give up..." _

The docking aria was filled with people, who obviously had no idea why Athrun would be docking at a time like this. People were whispering here and there about why and about the fact that Athrun would have been in space by now, right? Kira smiled and could feel his stomach grow all warm when he thought about the fact that Athrun only had come because of him, and nothing else. The Gundam had already docked and the hatch had opened, the young man, dressed almost entirely in purple, coming down slowly buy the usual rope.

"Athrun..." Kira heard himself sigh and Deakka smiled, walking slower with his arm around Kira, leaving Cagalli with the others, they way she wanted it to be.

"Athrun!" Deakka then called as the dark haired one removed his helmet, making Athrun look up in surprise too see his old friend almost carrying Kira over the floor, the brown haired one panting with exhaustion but smiling a little with blush on his cheeks.

"Kira...? what happened..?!"

But Athrun stopped in his longing to move over to the brown haired one as Kira stood up more by himself and nodded at Deakka, who let him go gently until he could stand on his own. Athrun understood that something serious had happened but he couldn't move, nor speak. He had hurt Kira so deeply and he had no idea of where to begin to apologize. He hadn't even had time to think of why Kira had wanted to see him... why had he been so stupid not to come up with something to say?!

"You stupid bastard..." Kira almost whispered, apparently fully aware that everyone was watching them, but taking some shaky steps closer to him. "How could you just leave like that...?"

"I'm..." Athrun begun but there was nothing he could say to make up for what he had done and he knew that. He looked down at his feet and didn't know what to do other than that either. What on earth had he done such a stupid thing as to kiss Kira's sister for? He just went around hurting people over and over..! He had probably hurt Lunamaria too, making her think that there might be something between them when all he wanted was to be with the tanned boy now standing so close, yet unreachable.

"Really..." Kira sighed and suddenly grabbed Athrun by the collar, making the dark one tumble forward, straight into Kira's chest. "...you're so stupid Athrun..."

"I'm so sorry Kira..." he half sobbed and gripped around the slimmed boy's slender waist with trembling fingers, breathing in deeply to get intoxicated with that sweet smell. "I... please forgive me..."

"Stupid..."

Athrun didn't care what people said at that moment, they just stood there and he wrapped his arms tighter around the now trembling brown haired one. What had happened to him? Why was he so weak? Was there any way he could make up for all he had done? Was there anything he could do to make Kira realize he was the only one Athrun had ever loved..?

Suddenly a memory hit his mind and he blushed as soon as he remembered it clearly. It felt like ages since he and Lunamaria had been sitting by that table at the Minerva... but he could still remember exactly what she had said. _"Because after telling you what an idiot you are, you will kiss him!!"_

"So stupid..." Kira repeated and Athrun looked up to meet his eyes. It was hard, but he had to admit to himself that Lunamaria for once had been right, even though she had not believed so her self when she had told him. He nodded soflt at Kira's words, knowing deep inside that he was right, also fully aware of the fact that the only think he could do to make up for it all was this.

"You-.." Kira started but Athrun gently placed his slender finger over the other one's curved lips and smiled softly while shaking his head.

"Don't say anything else..." he whispered and gently, ever so slowly, pressed his lips against Kira's while removing his finger. Now, if Athrun had been more aware of his surroundings he had known that there was a hissing sound going through the entire room as everyone drew a deep breath with surprise. Or no, not everyone, Deakka and Yzak only smiled and so did Cagalli, because she had freaked so much over what relationship her brother had with Athrun and earlier she had even gone to ask Kira straight out.

"_I'm sorry Cagalli... I know you like him..."_ Kira had answered with that soft worry wrinkle on his forehead. _"But I can't be without him... I love him... more than ever..."_

Kira's fingers were still weak but he didn't care as he gripper what he could of Athrun's warm body, or if it was his shirt. He could feel his heart beating harder than it had ever done before, making him realize just how alive he was when that burning hot tongue gently parted his lips and met his own. There was no doubt in his mind, Athrun was insane, but the man he loved. There would be no other, not like this. The warmth filling him, the comfort surging through his body and the sensation building up somewhere below his stomach... he never wanted to part from it, never wanted to let go... this was where he belonged, in life and in death...

-

"ng... Athrun..."

The pleasure was burning through his body as the intense pain drove him partly mad with longing for relief. Athrun gripped tighter around Kira's hipbones and panted with longing too, cheeks flushed with pleasure and excitement as the brown haired one's back jerked in a desperate attempt for more pleasure.

"Kira..." The dark one half whispered and bent down over the trembling youth, leaving a pattern of sweet kisses along the tanned one's sweaty neck and chest, sending him into moaning soft, trembling words that were almost inaudible to the dark one. "..What... what did you say..?" he had to ask as his beating heart skipped a beat painfully. Had he heard him right, or was it all the sweetest illusion to his ears?

"I..." Kira moaned as answer as his body almost threatened to explode with pleasure any second now, back jerking closer to Athrun's pounding heart, lips parting to moan deeply as the slightly older man hit his most sensitive spots and weak points. "...ng!"

"you..?" Athrun moaned as well and lets his hands and fingers wrap themselves around Kira's trembling didgets, his body close to exploding as well when the brown haired one tensed underneath him, meeting Athrun's deep green eyes with his own miraculously purple one's.

"I love you...!" he panted and widened his eyes, mouth opening in a silent scream as he came, so suddenly his body jolted uncontrollably against Athrun's, throwing him over the edge and into the world of bliss as he too came without warning into the pounding hot body underneath him. Athrun knew he couldn't keep his weight up on his arms and he thought for a second of falling down beside the panting man but Kira shook his head, as if he had seen those thoughts in his lovers eyes, gripping the dark one by the arms and pulling him down on top of himself.

"I won't ever let you go anymore..." he sighed and there were tears in his voice, making Athrun's entire body tremble with fear of loosing him, pain from hurting him and longing to hold him like this forever. "...no one else than me can ever have you..."

"I don't mind at all.." he sighed and pilled Kira's trembling body and sole closer to his chest and heart. "As long as I'm with you, as long as you hold my heart Kira Yamato..."

"...I will be able to survive..."

_

* * *

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**let me hear you say "awwww..."? **

**I hope you loked it guys ^^ **

**thank you so much for staying with me all this time -bows to show respect- **

**you have all made my day over and over again! and for that I am truly thankful! **

**chu ~~~~  
**


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